Stepchild - video/photos around house

[Flossy210]

Thoughts on stepchildren using phone to video/photos around house??
I'm a step mum to 11 yr old gIrl. I feel like I have no privacy in my own home!! Everything goes back to the ex as it is without pics & vids inside my house! I can't eat breakfast in dressing gown or no make up in my own home without the phone coming out! I've put a ban on it so she only does it in her room but my husband thinks wrong & complete do not support me on this one. I feel She needs to learn to be respectful of privacy & what happens behind closed doors is our business. I'd be interested to hear from a mums point of view & any other step parents angle on this. Also to add I have no access to her phone or Instagram so I'm trusting her mum & my husband with photos of my own children that she's putting on there.

[redredholly]

I'm with you Westie.

[westielover]

That's right jingle. On one hand step mum is a nothing stranger to mum... On the other, it's cool for mum to see photos of stepmum in her dressing gown because we're all family. Another bonkers MN thing.

[lunar1]

Mummy why isn't your step son allowed pictures of his siblings? Do you not see him as family?

[TheJingleMumsRush]

I have to say, I wouldn't like my DH ex seeing pics of me first thing in the morning, nor would I like my neighbour seeing me like that. I have asked Dss to delete pics (not of Ds, only me) and he wasn't bothered.

I think some won't give a flying fish but that doesn't mean all will feel that way, all situations are different.

[Quesera21]

westie - bit childish.

The Berlin Wall does not need to exist between the old and the new. Personally do not give a flying fish finger to what the new DP looks like, wears etc. The thought of her naked is repulsive. She knows what I look like, wear, work etc because of the sporadic contact and the fact she was a family friend! I know what she looks like - C'est la vie!

The new children are my DCS FAMILY, why can't they take appropriate pics and show who the hell they like.

Some people need some chill pills around here

[westielover]

"So what if mum sees them" yeah because we're all totally cool with our husband's past lovers seeing us looking shit.

[Quesera21]

Fairly sends a message to your DSD, she is not part of the family.

I can accept not taking fotos of you and posting them on social media but why not her siblings if appropriate, ie not naked.

It is her family and home aswell. So what if her mum sees them.

MY DCs take fotos of their half sibs and yes they do show me - it is how we have established that they are not a threat to them because they know they can talk about ALL THEIR families and not avoid subjects with me. To be honest they would have hated their Hlaf sibs, if I had not encouraged them to get involeved because Exand his new DP did the sum total of zilch to prepare them for the arrivals - ah yes, mentioned it once, lied about the due dates and then they got to his house and new babies there - stellar prep!

[MummyA1984]

We've just been through this as dh bought SS an iPhone. I deleted any pics off it before he went home - any that had us in and any videos. Luckily (sorry to be mean) he's broken the phone!!

[westielover]

I think it doesn't really natter what others think. It's your privacy, you have the right to choose whether to be filmed or photographed, especially in your home.

I wouldn't want photos of myself in my dressing gown going back to my husbands ex either. Some people wouldn't care.

I also don't think it's nice to drag other threads up. Isn't that against the rules?

[springalong]

My DS took a picture of me asleep early one morning. His dad (my ex) is now using that in court proceedings against me. So I am absolutely sympathetic towards people wanting to keep their privacy. It was a terrible picture of me - I am gutted But seriously pictures taken for a fun purpose can so easily end up being distorted.

[Hulababy]

I don't have a stepchild but I do have a child with social media access, and a phone capable of taking photos/video.

Even here, at her home, with both her parents, DD knows that she is not to take photos or videos of either her parents without asking - and they are not to be posted on social media without our permission either. Likewise, these days I check DD is happy if I post something of her on my social media.

That is just common courtesy.

I also won't let DD randomly Facetime when we are around - she has to do it in her room, so I am free to wander round in my PJs or whatever with no worries of being seen on screen!

[CalicoBlue]

I would be absolutely furious if my DSS did this. He already tells his mother everything he sees and hears in the house. The thought that he would do this with photos never occurred to me.

Her father has to understand that this is not acceptable. You are entitled to privacy in your own home.

I looked with my DD at the instagram account she was following, and I saw one from DSS that I thought was inappropriate. I told her to stop following him and told his father. I just got told that I was invading his privacy for looking at what he was posting as I was not authorised to follow him. I explained that I was checking what my DD was looking at and I thought he would want to know what his son was posting. Apparently not.

Have a ban on photos of you or your kids.

[MeridianB]

My view is that each person should decide if they are happy to be photographed and whether they want those pictures on social media.

DSD (thankfully) is not interested (yet) but when she is, I will be opting out and her half-sibling will be opted-out by me.

I guess that makes me sound old fashioned but I like my privacy and you never know where images will end up.

[Runnyhunny]

I have to say my dd 17 has her friends on Skype most evenings constantly and I have to be careful what i say! You absolutely have the right to tell her not to film u in your dressing gown as that's an invasion of privacy too far. In my opinion if your children are her half siblings and she wanted to film them then I would see that as normal.

[Storm15]

I understand. I deleted some photographs from my DSD's phone a couple of weeks ago - she'd been taking pictures of our younger kids and I in the bath...innocent fun at the time but I wouldn't want Mum seeing them or anyone else for that matter!

Fortunately my DSD doesn't have any social media accounts yet and DH has disabled the Internet on her phone / iPad apart from 'approved' websites such as the National Geographic... DSD's understandably not too thrilled about that ;-) DH and I are on the same page with this stuff though, basically we both find the concept of parenting in this digital age utterly terrifying!

I won't have any problem with DSD posting pictures of her (clothed) siblings on Facebook / Instagram etc though when the time comes. I think that's a little unreasonable. What real harm could come of it?

[TheJingleMumsRush]

All I mean is I can only respond to what I'm reading here. And people may comment on other threads in a one sided manner or without the whole story having not read all of it themselves. And I think MN themselves say not to refer to other threads in a post (but I could be wrong)

[ArsenicFaceCream]

Not really bothered what other threads you have going.

I think it's the attitude that's a bit concerning Mumsrush. I completely agree I wouldn't want to be filmed at home. But remearks about the DSD's clothes and 'nobody fancied sporty spice did they?' plus a generally hypercritical attitude won'thelp.

OP you need to decide if you are in or out of the marriage, set ground rules in partnership with your DH and try to find some warmth for ylour DSD is this is going to work.

[TheJingleMumsRush]

Not really bothered what other threads you have going. I would feel uncomfortable too if I knew the ex could pic up the phone and see pics of me first thing in the morning. I don't think many exw/new partners would want the other seeing them like that. You need a few ground rules regarding the use of the phone

[ArsenicFaceCream]

This is the 2nd thread you've got slating your step-daughter.

OP also has a thread in legal about whether she'll recover her equity if she divorces.

[LetticeKnollys]

I wouldn't care about pictures of myself, send her mum a signed photo if she's that interested!

The videos of your DS though would piss me right off and I think you're within your rights to kick up a right fuss about those.

[RainbowFlutterby]

This is the 2nd thread you've got slating your step-daughter.

You really don't like her at all do you. I think whatever she does will be wrong in your eyes.

[stayathomegardener]

DD knows she is not allowed to take film or photos of me at home unless she asks,same would apply to any step children or friends of dd.

[BrainyMess]

Oh and she's not allowed to use it after bedtime, the bloody thing stays downstairs at night.

She's also not allowed ignorantly to be glued to the ffing thing all day.

I will not be ignored or grunted at whiles she's on social media, stuff that rude bollox.

[redredholly]

It is a nightmare all round. I hate smartphones, both for this picture issue but also the fact that the kids demand newer and better ones despite having recklessly lost/broken the 'old' one. Grrr.