step mum who jointly owns house - say no to step son moving in?

[Lasvegas]

Could do with some opinions please. DH thinks that our home is also the home of his 2 non resident kids. Has said to his son aged 18 that if he wants to move in feel feel free. The son said what about Lasvegas I don't think she would like it, so now DH thinks I am unwelcoming.

DH works away about 70% of the time, so he is effect inviting his son to move in but not having to share a home with them often.

We jointly own the house and jointly pay the mortgage. His kids live far away and visit 5 times a year for a week- 2 weeks at a time.

We don't have a guest room, when they visit DD gives up her room and sleeps in with me.

We have been together for years and we have never had a conversation about his kids moving in. Except the hypothetical they would move in if f their mum and step dad died.

[Lasvegas]

Yonic. I am happy to have small double as that room also comes with its own sky box, and i series link everything I like to watch.

Also I am 5 foot 3 and DH a foot taller so his feet would stick out of the small double. It is unfair to swap.

Funky - if he invites kids to move in her will be sharing a room, but while they are just visiting i am happy to try and make it pleasant environment for them. Yes they have no rights to a large bed and room... but it isnt their fault their parents are divorced.

[FunkyBoldRibena]

You are all missing the point.

He wants his kids to move in with him. Perfectly fine, as he is away 70% of the time so they also go with him, 70% of the time and share his room when he is at home.

Problem solved.

[YonicScrewdriver]

Good idea, OP.

It is fair that the step kids come and visit you, whatever the reason.

Why doesn't DH permanently have the small double and you the king size room? You could get a regular double bed if you need more floor space in there?

[Lasvegas]

I don't want to move DD as he room is painted the colour she likes with matching curtains. I can't afford to decorate a 'new' room.

The room with king size bed has little floor space so no room for DD desk, book case etc.

Your posts have led me to this decision though. when the step kids who are very big 6 foot and 6 foot 3 visit. They will have DD room, ie a single and a truckle bed.

My self and DD will move into the king size bed room and DH can have the small double bed. i wonder how often he will continue to invite them when he is put out.??? I don't want to massively put out the skids as they are guests and sent to us as there mum and step dad want kids free time. The situation is not their fault.

When all the kids were small and DD tiny I was happy to share a bed and she liked it to. Then it just becomes the norm until mumsnet give their considered opinions aka Mighty Penis King!

[YonicScrewdriver]

Repeats awe of Castlemilk

[TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams]

I agree - boot him to the middle room.

[Castlemilk]

Why not?

Doesn't it make sense?

You're there all the time. Your DH 30% of the time.

When your stepkids visit, your DD sleeps in with you.

You should have the larger room, why would you not sort it like this?

The only reason would be gross sexism. That's what your DD is learning, absorbing without even realising it. Mighty Penis King indeed.

Do your DD a favour and calmly tell your DH that this whole issue has made you realise just how silly the bedroom arrangements are. Swap now. Much more efficient, fair and workable long term.

Or - don't be surprised when you see your DD automatically kowtow from the off with her partners, not assume basic equal rights, not be prepared to stick up for fair treatment.

It's absorbed without you even realising it. Do her a favour and redress some balance here.

[Lasvegas]

yonic not unless step kids move in, which I now doubt they will.

[YonicScrewdriver]

Are you thinking of talking to DH about swapping bedrooms?

[sanfairyanne]

your dh is so transparent! he was hoping to paint you as the bad guy.

haha! play him at his game

[Lasvegas]

thanks for laughter castlemilk. I have welcomed the moving in of the step kids as I don't want to look like the bad person. Oddly enough he is now back peddling 'it was only a suggestion to them that they move in'. This is before I even mentioned about him sharing a room. Him sharing a room is the obvious thing. Sometimes iy is hard to see obvious solutions without aid of mumsnet.

[TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams]

Outstanding Castlemilk

How was your weekend OP?

[StercusAccidit]

@ Almighty Penis King

[riverboat1]

Almighty Penis King!!!

[YonicScrewdriver]

Joining in the castle milk awe!

But I would say that, regardless of house size, your DH should have discussed with you the practicalities of such an offer to his DSS before he made it. Like: would DSS contribute to expenses, how would "parenting" work, which of the rooms in your imaginary mansion would he have etc.

[SantasLittleMonkeyButler]

That post Castlemilk, is one of the best things I have ever read on MN .

[caramelwaffle]

Yes. Everything that castlemilk said.

[Kimaroo]

Yes! Everything that castlemilk said!

[Petal02]

Castle milk -bravo!

[pictish]

Castlemilk I love it. I have laughed out loud at your post. Jolly succinct.

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

Oops - bolding fail.

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

Lasvegas - please, please, please present your dh with *castlemilk's analysis and proposal - it - and she - are brilliant!

[partyskirt]

Fantastic post Castlemilk!

[catsmother]

Yay - go Castlemilk - your plan is abso-bloody-lutely the only fair solution !

[waithorse]

Castle I love your summary.