Children and food.

[mosaicone]

I wrote a long post earlier explaining that my soon to be step children eat nothing. Whenever I cook they turn their noses up (IN FRONT OF ME) about it.
My own kids are quite adventurous so for example, lamb kebabs, falafel and pitta and hummus is a normal meal, but the sc loudly said things like "ugh" "its not my kind of food" "it tastes funny" at the dinner table etc.
I was coming on to complain and say I dont know what to feed them when I realised my kids will prob have to sacrifice their tastebuds instead.
There is no way I can get my dsc to eat what mine eat. Simple. But I suppose it wouldnt be out of the question for mine to eat plain pasta, (reeeealy struggling to think of what else they like!) and pizza whenever they are here.
I just hate cooking that food and am a bit that I have been asking bf to cook for all kids when theyre all here as I am out of ideas. Everything I suggest is met with distain and when I do cook, it is left by them but eaten by my own which means it cant be that Im an awful cook, its just different taste buds.
Has anyone conquered this problem without ww3? And any ideas for really plain food - theyll eat pasta but one will eat with tomato sauce - one wont etc.
They dont "do" vegetables and are very fussy about meat.
No spice.

And please, I am not trying to be a bitch here, I am genuinely stressed over meal times when they are here as I want meal times to be nice!!!

[purpleroses]

That's nice to hear.

I think you're right - 5 kids tucking in happily to sauce from a jar with pasta and bacon is hugely better than 3 kids rudely refusing to eat the food, your own kids wondering whether there must be something wrong with it, you feeling hurt and cross that they're so difficult, your DP feeling got at, good food being throw out..... much nicer :)

[ChiefBillyNacho]

That is brilliant. My dsd also got into pasta bake from a jar after being really fussy. 7 meals decided upon is fantastic too. And you are absolutely right, the bigger picture is everyone feeling relaxed and enjoying each other's company. Get that bit right IME and some of the issues that come up in blended families are more manageable.

[yoyo27]

Get your partner to cook what you would normally cook and I bet money they eat it!!!

[mosaicone]

They wouldn't!
My cooking is just a bit too from scratch for them and they are totally not used to it. Their mum only eats chicken nugget type things apparently. My bf Had to invite friends over when he wanted to cook a nice meal as otherwise he was coming for one.
Food is quite a big deal for me n him. We cook together, we experiment, we research, we try new things, it's just not a big deal for some people.

[mosaicone]

My bf Had to invite friends over when they lived together, otherwise he'd have been cooking for one, even.

[fuzzpig]

Well done for approaching it as a family. At their ages they are definitely old enough to be involved and also to understand that you won't necessarily have the same approach to food as their mum, and that eating well is important for health. I would say that at least one portion of veg per meal is non negotiable. Even if they only eat one type so you end up chopping cucumber several times a week!

DSD was about that age when she started trying more food, having been very very anxious about new things and particularly textures. It's a temperament thing - her twin was always much more laid back and happy to try new things. There is a similar difference between my own two (younger) DCs.

It started getting better around that age and she got involved in cooking with me after school, and although there's still lots of individual ingredients she doesn't really like, she will try anything even if she does end up leaving bits of it. In a totally unanticipated twist, she is actually the one (as opposed to twin) who is annoyed at the lack of variety at home with her mum, and the nuggets/chips type meals. I'm planning to spend lots of time this summer cooking with her - never imagined that when she was younger!

Sorry for waffling, just wanted to say it can get better. It's really frustrating that any progress you might make at yours will feel 'undone' when they go back to their mum's, but they can understand that dad and stepmum do things a different way. Involving them was a good idea - and 7 meals is a good start, you should be able to not have too many repeats in a fortnight. From there you can try and build up, I agree with the suggestion to put something on the side for them to try in addition to the 'safe' food. FWIW with my 4yo I say he has to try a bite of anything, and he does (sometimes with theatrical eye rolling!) BUT this may not be appropriate if the food anxiety is severe.

Good luck! :)

[impatienceisavirtue]

They don't get treated any differently to my kids, who live with us. I don't pander to it, as I wouldn't with mine, if they were just being fussy rather than something specific they had a genuine dislike of.

[AiringDirtyLaundry]

Oh, I can sooo relate! I've had many sleepless nights and anxious days, feeling resentful that we have to eat bland food whenever DSS is with us. However, I can say that it may actually get better over time.

My DH's ex has an eating disorder (was hospitalized for anorexia) and I can only assume that she has inadvertently passed on some of her strange attitudes towards food to her son. In the last few years he's put on quite a bit of weight and has developed atrocious eating habits (I suspect a bag of Doritos often counts for lunch at school). We've spent endless weekends eating tasteless pasta, pasta, pizza, pasta.

However, he is a good kid and I think he's aware that his dislike of most foods stresses me out so he really does try to make an effort to try new things. In hindsight, I think I did myself a favour by maintaining a positive and encouraging attitude whenever he complained. For example, I would often say things like "Don't worry, I was a really fussy eater at your age, too. Then suddenly my tastes changed and I started to like different foods. Maybe you will, too." And guess what? His tastes are beginning to change and he will often try new things, even if he doesn't like them. I try to encourage that, although I have to hide my eye rolling when he continues to dislike all vegetables. ;-)

My only advice is to try to minimize the issue so it doesn't become a big deal every time you have a meal together (even though you are screaming on the inside). Separate meals was always out of the question for me, I agree with the suggestions for "make your own" type meals.

[BrevilleTron]

I had a call from DStep about DD (13) turning her nose up at a dish she had happily eaten before, throwing a tantrum and daring to say that 'My Mum never cooks anything like this' upsetting the two younger children.

Oh really daughter?!

Two choices. You take it or leave it. You wouldn't dare do this at my home. You won't do it at yours.
DD got a telephone bollocking from me for that behaviour and lost her iPod and Hollyoaks for 3 days

It was a dish I'd cooked before and she'd eaten so my only real option was the above bollocking as it was just a ridiculous tantrum.

[brdgrl]

Breville, you sound great and it is nice to hear about a unified response between houses. It must happen a lot, but rarely shows up on these threads (understandable, since people mostly post when something is not working).

[BrevilleTron]

Thanks brdgirl I'm not trying to be smug and I know that so many step parents have a horrible time of it. Not all mums are daft enough to think their precious darlings are angels. Not all step parents treat their step kids badly.
My DD was in essence a 'practice child' for lovely DStep and she has handled everything DD has thrown at her with the utmost patience, love and consideration.

( I keep asking if I can take ALL the children when I go to collect DD if she ever wants a break with DExp!
One day she'll take me up on it )