I just wrote a massively long thread and it just disappeared ouch..
basically... I can't believe the response this has had, and there is a lot of contention in here too. I have read and taken on board but it is impossible for me to address each individual point but here goes.
A lot of people are appearing to say could we not have made alternative arrangements for DSD - no, we cannot. At the moment under our roof there is Me DP and BIL soon to be MIL. Me and DP this set of days off have to move MIL out of her home. It has to be this next 2 days because he will get released on bail on Thursday before his plea hearing (He was out on bail before but breached bail RE contacting MIL and got rearrested) We cannot risk MIL staying there.
We also cannot ask work for extra time off either. They helped us immensely in Nov/Dec when BM left DSD with us for two months without word of when she would be back, no contact or anything. In this time we had to juggle work best we could, opposite shifts, using up all holiday entitlement, and also trying to get as much paid time off as possible as dependent care leave. We could not afford childcare as NRP we didn't get any help/vouchers and we also had to pay CSA during the whole two months we had her - the time we had her will only go towards recalculation at the end of the year. We do not know what BM spent all this on. She only went back to BM when she sent the police to us with a search and recovery order because apparently we were witholding DSD going back to her. Police turning up on our doorstep was the first we knew she wanted her back.
We cannot afford to take unpaid time off either as then we would not have a roof over our heads, we are living very hand to mouth atm.
Addressing the issue of someone else being able to have her on contact days, we have no-one who could do this. As you know me and DP work shifts and on arranged days we are moving MIL. We cannot take DSD with us... It is not a fit environment, i have seen the house we are moving her from and i would not even house RATS there. It is an abusive home with the feel of it and you can tell MIL Partner is abusive and an alcoholic too. This is not a fit environment for a child is it? We also have no family round here, we have BIL living with us when he is not away with work. MIL who is in no fit state to look after a child. My parents live half hours drive away but would you be comfortable as BMs letting your child stay with you Daughters stepmums parents. They would gladly have her but BM would not let this happen. We have no-one else and no other support network. And as mentioned before we cannot afford childcare and do not get help with it.
WRT the relationship we have with BM, we try to keep it civil, not arguing etc. However she seems to think we have a problem with her. We do not care for BM, we just want what is best for DSD (this is why custody may be an option veryy very soon). She will pretty much argue with herself down the phone and not let DP speak.
She always says well its part of being a parent - isn't being a parent having to cancel their plans sometimes. All she cares for is having a night out this week (apparently someone is paying her out - seems funny its just the week when she gets a backdated CSA payment, BUT there is no proof etc. but she is always skint otherwise - workshy tbh). She has in the past said down the phone when we have DSD here that 'mummy is going out to get pissed speak soon'. I can't think of anything else of relevance but please more replies, i really am taking it all on board and will show DP this thread when get chance.
The messages have being saved and all phone calls recorded too.
and MJ that is HORRIBLE!