Q&A on postnatal and antenatal depression with therapists Annabelle Hird and Elizabeth Hill - answers back

[SorchaMumsnet]

Hello

It's Mental Health Awareness Week and we're pleased to announce a Q&A with two therapists specialising in PND (postnatal depression) and AND (antenatal depression).

Annabelle Hird is a BACP registered Gestalt counsellor, who trained at London’s Tavistock and Portman and qualified at The Gestalt Centre. She works with postnatal depression charity, Cocoon Family Support.

Instead of Dr Rima Lamba, Elizabeth Hill will be answering some of your questions. She is an integrative counsellor (means the relationship between the client and therapist is at the centre of her work), mainly focusing on family relationships (inc. parenting and loss), ante/post-natal support, life transitions and work-related stress (particularly teaching and medical professions).

Welldoing.org is the UK’s leading therapist matching service for in-person and online therapy, matching people with verified therapists and counsellors since 2014. They have over 800 therapist members and an extensive library of articles and resources on mental health, self-development and wellbeing. Their mission is to improve mental wellbeing support for all, through better access, understanding and efficiency.

Please post your questions on PND or AND by noon Thursday 23 May. We'll collect and send over to the therapists and post the responses on here on Friday 31 May.

Do bear in mind our webchat guidelines (though this won’t be a live webchat!)

Thanks
MNHQ

[ElizabethHill]

@klc75

My youngest child is 17 months and I have terrible intrusive thoughts.. I have not been to the dr about this but feel quite anxious at times. Will this ease off naturally.. what can I do to help this ?
Thanks

It is important that you are able to find a safe space to explore these feelings. Intrusive thoughts can be overwhelming and very scary. Do not wait for them to go away on their own, they can be distressing but are often a symptom of something else – an anxiety or depression which needs to be treated. Seek out some support to help you cope, intrusive thoughts are not uncommon so don’t be afraid to address them with a professional, either a GP or counsellor who will be able to help you get the support you need.

[ElizabethHill]

@Anewmum2018

Hello. I had terrible PND for the first six months of my baby’s life, with no bond at all, and me feeling suicidal. He’s older now and I know that the depression is lifting and I’m so feel a bond with him. However, frustratingly, a still have a lot of anxiety around this bonding- I constantly worry that I don’t love him as much as ‘normal’ mothers for example, and worry that I’m don’t love him enough (even though I know that I do love him!) I know it is just a symptom of anxiety- that my greatest fear is not loving my child as much as he deserves. Do you have any advice on coping with this? I think my problem comes from this media portrayal as love for your child as like a ‘rush’ and I’ve not had that yet. But is this unrealistic?

This idea of the ‘rush’ has caused a lot of problems for my clients! It is certainly not necessary to experience this feeling in order to have a bond with your child. It sounds like you love your son very much and in expressing your worry that you are not bonded properly you are in fact demonstrating just how much you love him. There is no 'normal' when it comes to parenting our children. I remember a truism someone once said to me when I had my first: "You just have to love them and keep them alive, it isn’t more complicated than that". This sounds simple but is fraught with all of our expectations of what love should look like and how we were loved as children and now as adults. I think you would find counselling helpful to address some of these anxieties which could cause you an increasing level of distress if you are unable to resolve them on your own.

[ElizabethHill]

@AgentCooper

Hi Annabelle and Rima, thanks for this chat. I have long-standing issues with anxiety and low mood but in the year I was on mat leave they really ramped up. I felt utterly hopeless, as if I could never feel joy again.

Looking back I think I might have benefited from access to the perinatal mental health team but I was told I didn’t have PND because of my history. This made me feel very ashamed- like normal women, good mothers get PND whereas I was already a crap person. My family also said there was no point in ‘labelling’ how I was feeling as PND. But I do feel like it was different to how I have normally been. What are your thoughts on depressive symptoms in a mother who already has issues with her MH? Is it PND? Should it be addressed as such? I know every case is different.

Hi, I’m sorry to hear that you were ignored and not listened to. PND can happen to anyone and is more likely to happen to women who have already suffered a mental health episode so I am surprised your concerns were not met with the right level of concern. It is no coincidence that you felt so hopeless during this time, not being heard can make us feel powerless, as though we have nowhere to turn. As you point out, every case is different and should be treated as such. That being said, any parent who is suffering with depression or anxiety after the birth of their child needs to know that the right support is in place for them to get better. PND is a different experience as it often connects with our feeling of who we are in relation to our baby and our mothering, this can be very scary and make us question whether we deserve to be a mother and if we will ever be good enough. It is important to be able to access the right support which can address these concerns and help you sort out what is PND and what might be something else. This can then create a pathway to help combat feelings of hopelessness and find a way forward.

[ElizabethHill]

@zobud

So I have always struggled with undiagnosed anxiety etc. Which got worse as my pregnancy progressed. I have bonded with my baby and I love him more than anything in the world. Some days all I want to do is cry for no particular reason. I feel flat and the only reason I need to keep going is for my little boy. I have a partner and he helps out as much as he can with everything but it doesn't always help the way I feel. My little boy is almost 5 months and I thought these feelings would just pass on there own. But they haven't, these 'bad' days seem to be happening more often. My HV wanted me to change my contraception method as she feels this could be affecting my moods but the nurses didn't seem as keen. Is it worth talking to my HV again regarding how I am feeling, could I be PND or is this normal. Any advice is appreciated. Thank you

It sounds like you are struggling at the moment and need to access some support so that you don’t feel alone with all your thoughts and feelings. I am not a clinician so cannot give advice about your contraception method or say whether or not it will be affecting you. However, whatever the reason, you are experiencing a level of distress for which you need help, firstly by going to your GP and secondly by seeking out an experienced counsellor who can help you gain some perspective and insight. Your previous struggle with anxiety means you may have been more likely to develop a mental health issue after the birth of your little boy, please don’t be worried about opening up and talking about these feelings. It will help you to find that you’re not alone and that there is someone who will listen and help create a way for you to have more good days than bad.

[dontfollowmeimlosttoo]

Pressures to breastfeed don't help

[thecheshirecatcanfuckoff]

AnnabelleHird thank you very much for your reply and advice. What you've said makes a lot of sense to me, I had two losses before my daughter and the loss of ideal parenthood or that perfect time of when she finally arrived is definitely what I grieve, it wasn't what it was supposed to be. Now you've helped me recognised it I will look into maybe getting some counselling. Thank you again very much.

[verybookish]

Thanks so much ElizabethHill for engaging with my question so thoughtfully. Thank you.

[blackcat86]

Thank you for responding to my post. It hasn't been the best maternity period at all. Initially the diagnosis issue was problematic as ADs gave me symptoms of mania and CBT was ineffective. I stumbled upon a local infertility/infant loss/birth trauma charity who provided integrative therapy which was much better because as you say, it treated me as a person rather than to a label.

[Anewmum2018]

Thank you for your reply- makes me feel more hopeful, and less abnormal!

[TellMeItsNotTrue]

@AnnabelleHird Thankyou, it's really helpful to hear and I appreciate you replying I'll always be there for her through good and bad, and hopefully it will be leaning more towards the good