Cancer support Q&A. Post your questions to panel of Mumsnetters, all of whom have experience of living with cancer - ANSWERS BACK

[RachelMumsnet]

Macmillan know that it can help those who have cancer (or who have a family member/friend who has cancer) to talk to others who have experience of cancer to share advice/tips and receive support. And we certainly know, from the many amazing cancer-support threads on Mumsnet, how valuable this kind of peer support can be.

With that in mind, Macmillian and Mumsnet are inviting you to send in your questions to the 'experts'; MNers who have experience of cancer. Send your questions to the panel before the end of Monday 18th February and we'll post up their answers w/c Monday 25th February. Here's some background info about the panel:


KurriKurri
"I was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2008, aged 48. I had a mastectomy, followed by a second op. for lymph node clearance as it has spread to nodes. I then had six months of chemo, followed by radiotherapy, a year of herceptin and now I am on tamoxifen for five years.
As well as my family who have all tremendously suportive, I have had support from two local cancer charities, from two different cancer sports groups I joined, from MacMillan, Breast Cancer Care, from the MN tamoxifen thread (brilliant women), and from friends who have also been through cancer."

SweetestThing
"I was diagnosed with a rare and aggressive form of cancer in my parotid (salivary) gland in April 2011. I had surgery to remove the parotid gland and the lymph nodes underneath, where the cancer had spread to, followed by 30 sessions of radiotherapy. During the surgery, my facial nerve was severed, so I have facial paralysis on one side of my face, which has meant further surgery, physio and ongoing Botox!
I've had fantastic support from the NHS all the way through and have found it to be very joined-up (not always the case, I know). A specialist Macmillan nurse was with me and my husband when we were given my diagnosis and I used their website and drop-in centre a lot, even now, almost two years after my diagnosis."


BlueyDragon
"I was diagnosed with bowel cancer in August 2012. Since then I've had surgery to remove the tumour; I am currently undergoing chemo to mop up any stray cells. The early days of diagnosis were a horrible shock to me and my family and friends, but between them and the medical professionals (including the Macmillan nurse at the hospital and the Macmillan helpline) we're getting through it. Now I have to deal with going back to work after prolonged absence and whilst still dealing with the chemo after-effects - my employer has been fantastic up until now so I'm hoping for a similarly supportive approach when I go back"


tacyn
"I was diagnosed in early 2012 just after the birth of my second child with a soft tissue sarcoma. I have had a lumpectomy to remove the original tumour (on my bum/hip) then further surgery following wound infection. I had 4 weeks radiotherapy on this site then 4 months of inpatient chemo (a doublet regime) to deal with the spread.
My condition is chronic (Incurable) so although I am currently not in treatment and cancer is in remission, I have to be scanned every 3 months to see if more treatment is needed. I have had support from Macmillan, my specialist nurse and the dr/nurses that treated me. I also see a dietician, psychotherapist and a physio to help with the effects of this plus massage and acupuncture. Most importantly my family and friends keep me going."

Pamela, a Macmillan Cancer Information Nurse Specialist will also be on hand to answer questions.

[Meganlillymai]

Hi forum. I'm new to this. I don't currently or in the past have lymphoma it's just one of my biggest worries in life. I forever check my glands and if one swells I worry for weeks. 6 months ago I was I'll with a little cold and one of my glands had swollen. 6 months down the line it's still swollen all though now painless. It's very squishy and mobile and hasn't grown? Should I be worried. I'm also full of cold again and all the glands under my jawline have swollen and are slightly tender. Should I be worried or am I just being stupid yet again. I don't no if its glands under my jaw either as when I hold my head up right they are normal but when I put my chin my my chest and feel them they feel huge!????

[chimchar]

thanks so much for your answer to my question...i'm a lot clearer now on what I might treat my friend too....off shopping tomorrow!

[Wigeon]

Just noticed the answers are back for this - thank you so much to those who were on the panel, in particular BlueyDragon who answered my specific question, and to Pamela from Macmillan .

[RachelMumsnet]

The answers to the Q&A are now back from the panel of mumsnetters and from Pamela, the MacMillan Cancer Information Nurse Specialist.

Thanks to everyone for sending in questions and a huge thanks to KurriKurri, Sweetestthing, BlueyDragon and Tacyn who gave up their time over the last week to share their own experiences of living with cancer and answer the questions. We think this Q&A will be a huge support to a lot of people.

Macmillan Cancer Support Q&A

[RachelMumsnet]

This Q&A is now closed. We'll send the questions over to the experts later today and post up the answers by the end of February.

[Snog]

What do you say and what don't you say to a friend with cancer?

[Meganlillymai]

My mums had a recall. Se had a mammogram last week n has to go for another tomorrow? Anyone had this I'm worried sick!???

[FairyJen]

What I the one thing/tip that you k ow now that you wished you knew before the diagnosis?

Incredible that you are doing this by the way x

[MikeATCISS]

Dear Mumsnetters, just a pat on the back for setting this Q&A up with Macmillan. As a Cancer survivor with 4 children and 2 grandchildren I am aware of the gamut of feelings that being diagnosed with cancer can confront you with, and the dangers of denial. As a trustee of a South Wales based cancer charity (Cancer Information and Support Services) I would like to publicise a recent Macmillan report that highlights research showing that as many of 1 in 4 people diagnosed with cancer do NOT follow through with treatment as they do not believe that their friends/family would be able to support them through it. I hope your forum will go a long way to show that cancer is very survivable - to those in despair please know that Macmillan, CISS and many other local charities are there for you and our services are free.

[TicTacSir]

My friend has a returning tumour for a third time. Early 30s. 3 young children. Don't know what to do or say to support her. First one (stage 4) in the mouth; second one and this latest one in lung. Also appeared in lymph nodes. Already had chemotherapy, radiotherapy... several ops. I so much want to help her but what is she fighting against here? She feels well. Thank you.

[LIZS]

Can I ask for tips for telling others, especially children , about another family member's illness even when we ourselves know relatively little and are not local. Also what support was most helpful to the patient at each stage of treatment - pre/post surgery, during chemo/radio and beyond.

[invicta]

Great thread! ( and hello to Kurri who I have 'met' on the tamoxifen thread).

One question I have is regarding the ' blackheads' I have on my boob following radiotherapy last year. I assumed they would just go. Should I squeeze them, or am I stuck with them? Thanks.

I found telling me post diagnosis the best for my breast cancer. I didn't want to worry people until I knew.

[WaterBiscuit]

I should clarify she is now in pall care.

[WaterBiscuit]

My best friend will not be having any further treatmnt. How do I stop myself from calling her every day? Or should I do so? I live 100s of miles away in a different country. Should I go home? How do I be 'normal' with her when the situation is far from normal? How do I balance concern-from-a-distance against hovering-over-a-crisis? She has her husband. I don't want to impose. But I want to support. I miss her already. I don't know how to do what's best for her right now. It might be too late soon. She'd never ask for me to do anything; we talk almost every day but not really about "it".

[Floweryhat]

How can a friend best be supportive when the treatments are over and th remission starts? I guess there may be more feelings etc at this stage, but you don't want to remind your friend abut it unnecessarily, yet want to be an ongoing support. Practical help when needed was easy, but how to remain supportive during life after cancer with the ongoing checks etc?

[Wigeon]

Thank you for taking part in this, and hope you are doing ok at the moment.

A close friend of mine's husband has testicular cancer and has had his first round of chemo. I am really struggling to know how best to support her. I live about an hour away, and she works 4 days, so not very practical just to drop round periodically. I text her sometimes, especially if I know her DH has had a big hospital appointment or something, but she often doesn't reply, which is of course fine - I'm pretty sure she just feels overwhelmed by it. But I don't know how often to be in touch - what is enough so that she knows I'm there for her, but not so much that she feels hassled and annoyed! What sort of support did you and your DPs / DHs find useful when you were going through treatment? How much contact from friends was good? I'm also not sure how I can help, practically - is there anything which you found useful?

[camacha]

Is Lobular Neoplasia Cancer?

[RachelMumsnet]

Thanks to everyone for posting so far. As the Q&A was a little slow taking off, we've decided to extend it and we'll be taking questions until the end of Monday 18th Feb. Do keep them coming in.

[MTBMummy]

I think this is an amazing idea, and I had support from our Dustbin when my mum was diagnosed, and eventually passed away as a result of cancer.

No real questions, still dealing with our loss - but I think you're all amazing women

[Doyouthinktheysaurus]

Firstly, best wishes to all of you, I hope your treatment and recovery continutes

My question is about living with having had cancer iyswim. I had cervical cancer 7 and a bit years ago and have since had the all clear. I've never really got faith in my body back though. I had no symptoms, didn't know anything was wrong until those fateful words. So now I'm healthy, but there's still that nagging doubt that comes up every now and again.....how do I really know what's going on inside me!?!

I fear if its happened before, it could happen again I know there is no basis for this and I do keep myself fit, running a lot and stuff but I don't think this fear will go. Does anyone else in recovery feel like this? or am I just weird

[Quickchick1000]

My sister-in-law was diagnosed with AML leukaemia the Friday after Christmas, she is now in hospital for her second round of chemotherapy. My brother has been keeping a blog about how they are all coping with everything www.theleukaemiaconclusion.co.uk an inspiring read for anyone unfortunate enough to be affected by cancer.

[Hopeforever]

Having visited my GP this morning to talk about a lump in my breast, I'm waiting to be seen in the 2 week fast track breast clinic.

My question is, other than my husband and best friend, is it best to wait until I've had a diagnosis or will my close family be upset that I've kept this from them? I obviously am hoping its just a cyst, but with 2 family members who've had (and survived) breast cancer I'm keeping an open mind.

Who needs to know, who will be my best support?

Thank you

[chimchar]

Hi all.

Thanks for doing this...I hope that you are all doing ok.

My question is....what sort of gifts did you, or would you like to have received when you were undergoing treatment?

A lovely lady I know is having a really shitty time at the mo, and has been told her survival is not likely to go beyond five years at the most.

I really want to give her a gift to say that we're thinking of her, but I don't want to seem insensitive or belittle what she is going through.

Is there a right or wrong thing to say?

You seem to be the ideal ladies to ask.

X

[JediGirl21]

Thanks to all of you who've offered to help out with this - think it is a brilliant idea.
We have a friend who has recently been diagnosed.
We have been a bit crap at keeping in touch since we all had DCs (life getting in the way) and now finding it hard to be supportive without being trite/disingenuous or worse e.g. Realised today I was moaning on FBook about my vague sniffle fgs

Advice on how to be helpful - what really helps? Especially when you can't actually go round and watch the kids/force a casserole upon someone as it's too far?

[bestbefore]

my question is what do you say when someone says their dh/ dp etc has cancer? i always feel so useless and offer to give practical support but just wonder what the best thing is to say to those affected by cancer indirectly.
thanks.