Tell Cif about the most annoying mess you've ever had to clean – you could win a £250 voucher! NOW CLOSED

[MichelleMumsnet]

Cif has asked us to find out what Mumsnetters think about cleaning up their LO's mess. In particular, Cif want to find out what the hardest or least fun to clean mess your DCs create are.

Here's what Cif have to say, "We all know that children see the home as a playground, and playgrounds get dirty. But we also understand how difficult it can be to clean up after your child, so we want to help make that process as easy as possible."

So, what do you find the most painstaking cleaning task when it comes to cleaning up after your DCs? Is it the crayon drawings they leave on the table or on the wall? Or is it the jam they accidentally splatter over the kitchen counter?

Maybe you refuse to clean up after your family? Or is it your family that has to clean up after you ?

Whatever it is, we would love to hear about the worst mess you/your family have ever had to clean.

Everyone who adds their comments to this thread will be entered into a prize draw to win a £250 Love2Shop voucher.

Thanks and good luck,

MNHQ

Nothing too unusual but I was heavily pregnant with dc2 (and extremely
Nauseous) and dd (then 3) vomited all over the new fabric sofas without a seconds notice.

I wretched for England while cleaning it up which upset her hugely and she cried and cried afterwards

I am not sure I can compete with some of these but it was the ever flowing sick that was DD3 this winter. A horrid bug that kept on giving. My washing machine could not come and their was sick everywhere (carpet, washing, me). Not helped by me having been ill the night before. What a night!

When 5 yr old DS1 tripped over and bit through his bottom lip, knocking out a tooth and deeply cutting his chin.

All in our hallway, blood everywhere... Grim.

Spatters of grease on the slate tiles that each time I mopped seemed to return. Kept thinking they would go - eventually I threw all cleaning products including some US illegal toxic lemon liquid that claims to dissolve rock at them...but no. Turned out it was wood oil that my dp had used to oil the table which has some sort of plastate (sp) that sets it. My floor will NEVER look 100% clean again - that feels bad inside.

If we're allowed to consider pets as children (which I know we're not), then cleaning black oil off a cat is my cleaning low point. I used Swarfega and then shampoo, and I lost a fair amount of blood in the process - cat was a ball of hissing, spitting fury.

I was warned, when I was expecting twins, that they would encourage and enable each other to get into trouble; help each other up onto work surfaces, for example.

Two situations come to mind - one was when I left them (aged around 18 months) in front of the TV while I did a quick whizz round upstairs with the vacuum cleaner. Must've been gone all of 10 minutes, but when I came down they had got a bag of flour and some yogurt and rubbed them into the sofa. I couldn't see across the room because of the flour in the air. The little dears just looked innocently at me.

Second time was when my posh and child-free ex-boss came to visit us in our new house. I showed her the twins' bedroom and she asked me what was that brown stuff around the plug socket. I glanced at it, knew, and said "Chocolate," but before I could get her out of the room my daughter put her hand in her nappy and helpfully smeared on some more. The darling.

I added this storey to a thread once. My toddler came down stairs at the grandparents house saying 'mummy I've done a poo' I went up stairs and was relieved to see there was just a small amount of poo in the bed. I went to the bathroom to clean my toddler and it was covered in poo. The toilet, the bath, the soap, the rug.... She's obviously tried to clean up. It looked like a poo bomb had gone off!

Sent dh up to give 20mo dd2 a bath. As usual he took her nappy off in the bathroom and dumped it on the floor. 3am
I get up to go to the loo and stand on the nappy, then realise what it is and kick it out of the way to sort in the morning. All fine until I'm mid-wee and realise I can smell poo. The nappy was poo side down on the floor and the poo is now squelched into the floor and skidded along where I kicked it and also on my feet. I taught myself some new swear words as I scrubbed my feet and disinfected the floor in the dead of night.

My DD at 11 months discovered she could take her nappy off. She had done quite a liquid poo, pulled the nappy off and waved it round her head. The resulting spray was disgusting and I was dry heaving as I attempted to stop her further spreading poo on herself and the floor, prevent myself from being covered and clean it all up.

Dd came down the stairs a couple of years ago ~ she had that look in her eyes, the one that says "I'm about to hurl" and she did! I caught most of it in my cupped hands, but the cream carpet copped a lot of it too. Oh yes! it was home made spag bol. Lots of tomato!!

So many poo stories!
Who would have thought it.

My worst is engine oil encrusted DH coming in and washing his hands on the most splattery way you can imagine....

Over the washing up, the wall, the sink, the floor...

How he is still alive, I am not quite sure.

The amount and frequency of liquid spilt by a child is proportionate to the viscosity and stain fix-ability of said liquid.

In other words, they never just spill water.

DCs are beyond the poo and gratuitous felt tip stage but last week DH was away and I said that instead of a bedtime story we'd curl up in front of Great British Bake Off and eat popcorn in our pyjamas.

I put the popcorn on - went into another room to pick something up, and the phone rang... When DH looked out of the patio doors the next morning he saw the carbonised remains of a saucepan full of popcorn, which I'd dumped out there to prevent the smoke detector kicking off, staring back at him. Three overnight soaks, four trips through the dishwasher, and several scrubs later, and my favourite saucepan is still not itself again.

DS1, the pre-school years. Tumbledrier filled with 2 litres of ribena, then turned on. Flat liberally coated in purple poster paint whilst I was on the phone. Sugar sandwiches created at 3am leaving the kitchen encrusted with sugar and butter. That boy was a handful. Imaginative, destructive in a creative kinda way. On the plus side I learned how to dismantle and reassemble a small tumbledrier!

Projectile vomit (with pasta lumps). All over the carpet, walls, my bed, DDs bed, her hair, her pj's - everywhere. That was at 1.30am so not at my best either. Now got a very lethargic daughter sitting next to me watching Tickety Tock...poor wee mite.

Worst mess.... DD1 was about 2 and she found a tub of tester paint in he bathroom. She painted herself an went walking around the house touching things, not only did I have to deal with the puddle on the bathroom floor but the footprints on carpet and handprints on the wall. Funny enough I used Cif on the bathroom but my carpets never recovered!

On Sunday there was a lot of vomit in my daughter's bedroom after she caught a stomach bug. I surveyed the scene with dismay and thought we'd need a new carpet (thankfully my gadget obsessed partner bought a carpet shampooer a while back..) and it was a nightmare to clean up. And not at all fun.

Other people's children. My sister's kid, after me saying 'Oh, I think he needs a wee' and 'I'd rather the kids stayed in the play room', was allowed to go and bounce on my new sofa where he promptly did a huge wee.

Jet black vomit on a pale coloured carpet after ds had eaten a load of black icing from his cousin's birthday cake (made to look like a black widow spider)
It was horrific.
To be honest. I can STILL see the stain in certain lights...

DS1 is autistic and had a very long phase of smearing poo (common for those on the spectrum- they think it's like play doh.. sigh )

I used to be in tears bleaching and disinfecting walls, floors, beds, tvs, toys, you name it, he got it! every time he pooed, for an entire year and rarely now! but it will sometimes crop up again when he has a growth spurt, seems to trigger slight regressions in him

Or the time DD smeared an entire large tub of Vaseline in her hair.. That was fun! You wouldn't believe the amount of uses bicarb of soda has

Or the time DS2 got the sudocrem, a whole tub, all over himself, he looked like Casper the friendly ghost!

I could go on forever...

Apologies for the random exclamation marks, damn iPad has a mind of its own

Paint spatter right up my kitchen wall. Frequently, from 2 small DCs getting right into their painting.

Same kitchen wall when DS was starting to eat. We called his place in the stinky corner. He would smear the wall and drop food off the stray into the very corner deliberately. We had to put his chair there though as in every other place he could push his chair over by kicking against the table. Grrr

Ooh the top of our cooker when DH had been trying to cook a chilli. I say trying to. He'd had a few drinks, and there was chilli sauce literally burnt to the top of the cooker.

Oh and when he left cold custard in a saucepan. In my defence, I absolutely cannot look at custard without feeling nauseous and ill. He cleaned it up eventually, but I really feel horrid every time I think about it.

Thank you everyone for adding your thoughts and comments. Congratulations to NotAFeminist who has won the prize draw!

The worst ever, ever, ever. In the world, in the multiverse. In the entire history of time.

Picture this. Some years ago: shower room leaks and is therefore never used, shower itself in a partitioned off corner (bought the place like that, not my fault). We had outgrown our flat since dd was born and this room was full to overflowing with stuff.

As well as dd, we had cats.

Some time after we last squeeeeeeeezed something into the room, I notice an odd smell whenever I go past the door. I know what I'm going to find, and I am scared so ask dh to help me. He knows what we're going to find too, and is also scared. We pathetically put off moving everything out of the spare room and searching through it all for the source until the weekend.

Saturday. Day One.
Monumental task. All day we search through mountains which are unscalable without paragliding equipment and oxygen. Oh and crampons.

There is nothing but the smell. Nice and strong. No sign of its source.

We make camp and sleep. DD has been sent to Granny's to keep her out of the way safe.

Sunday morning. Day Two.
Our crampons have failed, our supplies are running low. Oxygen is out and tempers are fraying. There is only one place to go now, but it is dangerous. Why oh why did we not bring masks?

First approach is made by dh. He employs his ice axe with flair and flips the shower door open.

We have reached our goal.

There, in the base of the shower, semi-liquid and fragrant, still feathered, is our reward. DH splutters those immortal words: "I am going outside. I may be some time."

You may feel that this is clearly a pet mess and should be disqualified; indeed, it started as one. However, when dd was returned to us, we told her of our epic adventure. "That's my bird!" she says. "I put it in a very safe place so the cats couldn't play with it any more." (NB, it was already dead before she got to it ).