So overwhelmed with life

[Cancunchris]

I’ve got three kids and two are autistic and have ADHD. They’re early teens (14 and 12). Youngest is severely autistic, non speaking and very challenging. School have asked for EP to come in to give some advice. Both attend a specialist school.

I’m just exhausted. I work four days a week at home (i’m heading up a big project on something I’ve never done before) but I just feel knackered and worn out. Come the weekend, I find I just don’t have the energy or patience for dealing with our youngest. I’ve signed up for training to help our youngest with his speech so that’s another demand. As I get older, I just find I’m not coping with all the demands of my kids, work, aging parents. I feel broken. How do people balance a demanding job with a child with severe needs and getting enough time for themselves? DH does what he can but has a busy job as he’s the main breadwinner.

[Headfirstintothewild]

Lots don’t manage to juggle a demanding job as well as caring for DC with additional needs, unfortunately.

As well as up to date EP assessments, do DC have SALT and OT input? Have early reviews of their EHCPs been requested?

Have you have social care assessments? A carer’s assessment for you and assessments via the disabled children’s team for DC. (And if necessary have your parents had care assessments.)

[Al679]

Hi

i also have three teens, two with autism and ADHD, and work in a full time, demanding job. I feel broken too. And oh so lonely, as over the years, friends drop away as your child becomes more different from theirs; and you stop inviting people into your home as it’s a sanctuary for your children. You prioritise everything over yourself, with your birthdays and mother’s days passing by unnoticed by anyone but you.

I don’t have any answers for you I’m afraid, I just wanted to say that I hear you and it sounds as if you’re doing an amazing job.

Take care

[Cancunchris]

Sorry to everyone else in the same boat. My DH has started complaining as well which doesn’t help. He’s not getting enough attention.

Social care did do an assessment but moved us to direct payments as they weren’t able to help our youngest. There’s very little for them to access locally and they’re quite severely autistic. Youngest is the most tricky. Salt have pretty much discharged as they said the strategies are embedded in the class with the youngest as they aren’t able to do direct therapy with them and they get OT at school. School have also requested an up to date EP review via county.

It all just seems so overwhelming and I just feel battered. Tired and battered. And there seems to be no light at the end of the tunnel.

[Headfirstintothewild]

You need early review of the EHCPs. DC need more OT, SALT and other therapeutic provision. If DC can’t engage, the SALT needs to amend what they are providing so DC can get to a point they can engage. Even if that means starting with indirect therapy.

You should also request up to date social care assessments. If you can’t find anyone to use the direct payments the LA can do more than just shrug their shoulders and say there’s nothing more they can do. For example, they could up the rate of pay, they could increase the ratio, they could look at other ways of funding respite provision, they could also look at continuing care funding if that is appropriate, but they won’t do anything unless forced.

[Mumtoboys1]

I have 2 kids one autistic and one I suspect ADHD aged 7+9, I feel exactly the same, I don't work but homeschool them both which is honestly not working due to being overwhelmed like you've mentioned on your post. I honestly couldn't imagine also working, I can just about clean the house! So at least give your self some credit for managing that the best you can.
Plus the same with aging parents and no one to help.
It's hard work and draining and no one gets it unless they're also going through it. You are not alone ❤️
Are you in any position to reduce your hours or DH reduce his? . Feel free to PM me if you need to vent/have a rant or even a chat.