Support during school holidays?

[cakecoffeecakecoffee]

I’m clutching at straws here I expect but I just don’t know what to do.

DS is 4, not yet diagnosed, waiting on assessment but current line of thought from various professionals involved is ASD/PDA/ADHD.
He’s on the SEN register and has a 1:1 all day at school, just putting together an EHCP application.

Im running out of options for after school and holiday care and just don’t know what to do!

we both work f/t and can’t afford to give up either salary as we wouldn’t be able to cover mortgage etc. not entitled to any state support at all (applying for DLA for DS but that’s far from a certainty).

no family to help with childcare. After school club and 2 holiday clubs have said he’s no longer able to attend as they can’t meet his needs or keep him and other kids safe. Desperately trying to find a suitable childminder but struggling with that. Once we do find one it’s going to be hard to cover the cost.

What on earth do people do after school and in the holidays with their high need children??!!

I feel so trapped as any option leads to us spiralling into debt.

[ElizabethBennetsBoots]

I think there are some sen wraparound and holiday clubs but they're so expensive (here, think £300 a day) I ended up swapping my high ish earning job for one that's part time term time only. I know you can advertise for a pa (personal assistant) but it's hard and finding someone who gels with your DC can be tough. DLA will help one of you to go part time. It is tough.

[SearchingForSolitude]

I second looking at a PA. Although it is more expensive, so may not be viable for you.

It won’t cover all after schools/holidays, but you could look at your LA’s short breaks offer. Might not be suitable, but worth a look. Have you requested social care assessments? A carer’s assessment for you and an assessment by the disabled children’s team for DS.

I know you said you aren’t entitled to any benefits, but if DS is awarded DLA, it is worth relooking at UC. If DS receives at least mid rate care DLA and you are eligible for the whole childcare amount (e.g. maybe during the school holiday periods) you would be eligible to receive some UC with an income after tax, NI and pension of just over £4.5k per month. More if you have other DC or DS receives high rate care DLA.

[Beninthesortingoffice]

We have never had a great solution but mix and match of the following has worked. DS now 6 and both of us still in work so far:

1. The PE teacher at DS's school runs a holiday scheme. He took DS with a one to one (which he provided but we paid for - we were very clear that we would pay). This was great as DS does need a one to one to keep him and others safe but it's not a challenging role - just someone to watch him if he runs off and refuses to participate. He only charged us £50 a day for the one to one (it was amazing I think he uses a lot of quite junior sports coaches to staff his clubs so if DS was OK the one to one could do other stuff). But then he changed the venue and DS refused to go to the new place ... but it was great while it lasted!
   
   
2. Stuff run by his school - DS can't really cope with new stuff or activities but his infants school runs a before and after school club which he can manage because it is basically just the same as school. Well mostly. We offered to school to pay for a one to one, and they said they would see how he goes without and he does OK without. Probably because it is just school. They are doing 12 days holiday club this summer which is amazing. We will manage the rest with annual leave.
   
   
3. We tried to hire a nanny but at the rate we could afford no-one was interested. Also, he is really hard work - I think being in clubs is easier for the people with him
   
   
4. We play free and loose with the concept of working from home and sometimes during school holidays he is just at home on his ipad (not brilliant for anyone and we try to avoid this - but it does fill in gaps).
   
   
5. I took time off last summer, and swapped to a term time only contract for a bit.
   
   
6. I looked at the local offer website - SEN holiday playscheme. Wow, I thought. £152 a day - expensive but doable. DS has an EHCP. We can use his DLA to pay towards it. But apparently not eligible because he needs to be referred. I said "that's fine, I'm happy for him to be referred" but apparently not. I guess because he can sort of manage mainstream childcare he isn't eligible. But I cried when I realised that what I thought might have been a solution really isn't.

[Beninthesortingoffice]

So yes - my recommendation is go to mainstream holiday camps and offer to pay for a one to one if this is what he can manage at school. But I share the worry. No easy solution.

[cakecoffeecakecoffee]

Thanks for the replies.

unfortunately, even if he was in receipt of DLA we definitely wouldn’t get any UC. We both earn over the threshold so if either of us gave up work, we’d lose that income but get nothing else. We definitely wouldn’t be able to pay the mortgage etc on that 😔

I’ve put in a request to finish work earlier 3 days a week which I know will be accepted but I’m worried sick about the financial impact. And I’m in total panic mode about holidays as everyone I work with has kids so will also be trying to juggle holidays.

I'm speaking to school about a 1:1 for after school but currently they’re saying he can’t be there as he is too much of a risk to other children.

my manager was really kind about saying I could work from home with him there but it’s just not possible as he completely dysregulates and I can’t take a single phone call or send an email.

i can’t find any SEN play schemes here but I have booked a phone appointment with the local authority SEN family support team for this week to go through all options.

I feel like I’m on the verge of some kind of breakdown as no matter how hard we try, nothing is enough and there’s only so much we can do.

sorry for my pity party, I’ve never felt this stressed before 😔

[Beninthesortingoffice]

Yup. I know. We make the same calculations.

If you did give up work completely you would get carers on top of the DLA which is another 300 per month. Not means tested. Not very much at all but not nothing. Also gets your NI paid.

We did split shifts for a bit (me 6-2, DH 9-5) - does that work at all to keep you both full time? Good for money but not really sustainable though. I was doing 6-2 at work and then picking up DS from school at 3 and doing all evening with him for a few months. OK in the summer when we could hang out in the park, but really hard in the winter as we just hung out at home . I really struggled when we had this set up and felt much better when it ended.

Doesn't help with the money but unpaid parental leave is a way to increase leave to cover the holidays https://www.gov.uk/parental-leave/entitlement

Forest school holiday clubs? DS is better outside than inside. And MUCH better in clubs where he can just potter around, rather than an expectation that he takes part in stuff. He can't do activity clubs.

Sorry no solutions, just lots of sympathy - I had last summer off because we didn't have a solution.