So p****d off with school - again!

[debs40]

DS (6) has social communication difficulties (possibly AS) and has just entered Y2.

He has two teachers. One pretty straight (taught at the school we moved him from as it was sooo uninspirational and strict). The other seems a bit more understanding but we have not seem much of her yet.

They have been good (or the TA has) at settling him. I had a long chat with Teacher 1 at the start of term. So far so good.

However, I had a battle about his handwriting the other week as he has hypermobility and hyptonia and is finding it a struggle. They were insisting he persevere and he told me teacher 1 shouted at him for being too slow and that he was prevented from joining the class in the next task because it took him so long to finish.

He was hysterical when he got home and it took me an age the next sunday to get him to write.

Teacher 1 called it a matter of 'self belief' and said they would encourage him to join the letters but that was what they expected. She said if he was upset he could come and talk to her himslef. He has social communication difficulties - daaaah! . I reminded her he had physical problems with it and this was acknowledged by all the doctors' he had seen.

Teacher 2 then agreed they wouldn't push it.

I supplied pen grips and have offered to supply a Movinsit cushion recommended by the OT. Teacher 1 has been the only one in this week and she has ignored the email I sent on it.

Today DS comes home and says his reading book hasn't been changed all week and his homework hasn't been marked because he has been bad. I know he is supposed to get his books out of his book bag at the start of the day to leave on the desk for the teacher. He says he keeps forgetting what to do with it. He said everyone got a teampoint but him.

The annoying thing was with the new pen grips and encouragement and writing how he liked, he did his homework brilliantly this week and enjoyed it. It was really neat and I was really proud of him. I emailed the teachers to mention this - without response.

Tonight, I've had him punching himself with frustration for not knowing what he did wrong

I don't know what happened but this is can't go on. I have asked for a meeting but I feel let down. It's like they say they understand. They've got him in a social skills group and 3 hours TA support a week but they don't tell me anything about that or even whether he is on the SEN register. Then as soon as it's tested e.g. he forgets something, or he has problems writing, he gets punished.

If I wasn't so numb and sick of all this I would cry!!!!His teachers really accepted him for him last year but now it feels like he's just the nuisance kid who doesn't always follow instructions and forgets to say please and thank you again (that's how they saw him in his old school)

[claw3]

Thanks Debs40, i am taking notes for my meeting on the 30th. Any other suggestions or advice is much appreciated.

Apparently the other child had to miss some of his play time, as did DS when he strangled the other boy.

Obviously ds should be punished for strangling the other boy, but i truly believe he would have only done it in self defense, when no other choices were available to him.

What kind of options do they use at your ds's school, so if the school cant suggest any, i have some?

[debs40]

At the end of last term, DS lashed out a couple of times when he was being teased/pushed. He just doesn't have the skills to deal with that by stopping and telling a teacher.

Fortunately, last year (this year is a different ball game!) his teachers understood and would ask him if he was ok at playtime and tell staff in the playground to look out for him. They also made provision for staff to enquire more deeply into any incident involving DS. DS is not very good at explaining why he lashes out and so can get blamed for hitting when protecting himself.

The staff were told to not simply hand out a red card but to take him to one side and ask what had happened.

They also suggested he could go somewhere quieter to draw or read a book but where he could be seen

At home, I get him to shout 'alien' when his little brother winds him up. This means he is getting worked up. I've told teachers about this too. They probably think I'm bonkers but it provides an exit strategy without having to explain yourself.

Hope that provides a few ideas.

Looking back now, I can see this is why I'm so disappointed with one of his new teachers. The two last year were great and really saw him as an asset to the class because of and not despite his little quirks.

[claw3]

Debs40 - Im not surprised you are disappointed with his new teacher, it really does have a big impact on how well you ds manages in school.

The school told me on Friday when i went to pick him up, that another mum had complained about my ds! very helpful, seems we are playing the blaming game now, rather than admitting the B word! I suggest that perhaps they should keep him in at play time, for the safety of others and his own, 'oh no, its just kids being kids'.

As i stood there talking to the teacher, my ds approached a little girl from his class and you could see him trying to talk to her, she started swinging him around by his coat and hitting him. I said to the teacher 'look', 'oh yes, that just a bit of rough PLAY'!

[debs40]

Oh claw we had exactly the same as this at my son's old school. Honestly, it was exactly the same. They just blamed my ds or the other boy and talked of them 'just learning how to play with each other' or 'playfighting' etc etc. Yet, on the way out of school I saw DS being kicked and pushed and he used to tell me he was dragged around by his coat.

We have not had this in the new school because their playground management is much better.

It is hard because they make you feel as if you're trying to say your child is without blame when it's really 6 of one and half a dozen of the other, and boys will be boys etc.

But it really isn't on.

[claw3]

Debs40- Thanks Debs, its like im banging my head against a brick wall with the school. Its really helped talking to you x