how do we keep ds1 safe- near the end of my tether tbh

[Jimjams]

DS1 has spent the last few days climbing on everything. I find him leaning against our dodgy windows particularly worrying, and spent most of Friday afternoon lifting him down (baby strapped onto me). Anyway last night found him trying to climb over the bannisters 3 stories up. I just don't know what to do, I cannot see anyway of making them safe.

The house is in no fit state to sell- needs a lot of cosmetic work (needs a lot of other work as well- but cosmetic to put on market), and I would imagine that any house would have some soort of danger lurking in it.

The whole thing has knocked me for 6. I was thinking back to when we moved in here just under 3 years ago- it was our dream house - which was why we took it on needing the amount of work it needs iyswim. We would never had bought it now (no off street parking for starters so even getting into the car is hell). But 3 years ago I would never have envisaged being in the position we are now- we really thought that by 6 ds1 would be catching up.

Also realised that for the first time ever I feel as if I am losing control over his behaviour. When younger he was very compliant, now he's much less so. Getting cross with him absolutely does not work, he thinks its hilarious and does it all the more, but the constant effort of having to give the "correct" response - which then doesn't alwqays work is wearing me down. I have asked to see a clinical psychologist, but I don't think she'll have any major answers as the people I've spoken to say we are doing the right things anyway.

Think I've been wallowing in it ever since I found him heading over the bannisters. (seemed to set off a cascade of thoughts). Also think my hormones are up the creek- felt very PMTish for the first time in almost a year yesterday. 6 week post baby blues?

Someone give me a kick up the arse please. (or a bright idea on how we can make the stairs safe, or some tips on winning the lottery so we can put in safe windows).

[WideWebWitch]

I'm pleased to hear this Jimjams.

[Davros]

Well you two, I got into the bar out of curiosity, not at all my thing....... enjoyed it and stayed far too long

[dinosaur]

Jimjams I'm so pleased your DS1 has settled a bit

[Jimjams]

I can't work the other bar - think I'm dim. It is a big relief to be somewhere appropriate and not have to move- must be the same for you.I think I'm going to head off to fame academy- the computer keeps doing weird things as well.

[Davros]

Such a relief to have them somewhere appropriate that goes up to 19. Shall we turn this into our own bar? Or maybe I will get back to James Bond, tea and choc

[Jimjams]

Moving wasn't ever really an option- too much to do on the house. I would like to move to somewhere really rural spometimes but there's no way we're moving away from ds1's school. ,He;s there until 19!

[Davros]

Phew! Funny that "just autism" is manageable compared to having extras on top. Our extra is "challenging behaviour", ugh I could do without it but it comes and goes and the little blighter charms everyone the rest of the time. So you won't be moving then?

[Jimjams]

Just to update.

Ds1 has been lovely this week. An absolute delight for the lat couple of days. Still climbing, but he's "back". the flitting has gone and he's "just" autistic - no more hints of ADHD. His behaviour is much better as well.

Think it must have been the additives/wiuthdrawal. Phew.

[Saker]

ds2 has problems with the size thing - he is forever trying to squeeze large things into small holes, including himself. I sort of put it down to the same reasons as make him try and post a round shape in a triangle hole or turn a letter at right angles to the post box, not that I know what those reasons are. I assume it is related to his "dyspraxic" tendencies and wondered if it was your ds1's dyspraxia coming out rather than the autism. However his dyspraxia doesn't seem to be affecting his gross motor skills too much obviously!

Sorry not to have any useful advice. I agree with Aloha that I would consider moving in your position but that's easy to say on the end of a computer.

[FineFigureFio]

omg look at all my typos! I do not live on an open plane

[FineFigureFio]

we live in a 4 storey and it is totally unpracticle so ikwym plus it need smajor renovation so kwym there aswell! The only thing I can do with dd is the limiting her to one room, luckily our main area is open plane, so she doesnt go stir crazy, plus the high handles thing

ou can get grants off certain people for improvements. family Fund can help too apparently

Have you looked at this?
disabled facilities grant

[aloha]

I'd put your house on the market tbh. Lots of people like houses that aren't finished - after all, you did. It gives them the idea that they can put their own stamp on the place.
Then buy somewhere less stressfull with fewer stairs. Why not get it valued anyway, so you know what you could get for it. You can get a couple of estate agents round without any obligation. And I do think it is your hormones & lack of sleep making it all much, much worse. I think the whole post-partum period is very PMT-ish.

[Jimjams]

ah the 10 minutes a day reading to them crap. According to an ex (crap) nursery ds1 would be fine if only I'd stop talking over him.

INteresting that you get the size thing as well Eulalia-- I wonder whether ds1 just gets so mono-channelled about it he can't think of anything else. Rather like the other day when he wanted the cupboard door shut and was freaking out slamming it desperate to get it shut. I would of course been a lot easier if he's removed ds2's head first of all.

[Eulalia]

Yes my ds can be a bit like that with the size thing. I'll explain to him that whatever is too big/small but he just gets cross as if he thinks "well it shouldn't be". The odd thing is that he is even using words like "bigger" so he does understand the concept - I think he just expects things to fit into his world view because he wants them to be ifyswim. And to confuse things the school said that he is still sometimes gets opposites mixed up eg hot/cold and the psychologist started going on about social stories (a favourite) to stop him hurting himself with hot things. I had to explain to her that he knows perfectly well what is hot and cold (ie he has the concept in his mind ok) its just that he uses the wrong word by mistake. To him hot and cold are opposites but he forgets which word applies to the right concept. I dont' think she really understands the semantic difficulties properly. I said it was similar to people sometimes getting left and right mixed up.

Sometimes I feel like I am the only one that understand my ds.

Know what you mean about the HV - my one was so insistent I was depressed after dd she even sent a counsellor round. I wish they'd spend NHS funds where it is needed.

[pixel]

Ha! my previous hv was like that. Kept saying "how are you FEELING" in an 'oh-so-caring' way! (She also told me ds would be fine if I spent 10 mins a day sitting reading to him but that's another story.)

What's this about 27 things? I'm living in a tip myself, despite my best efforts. I only really need to throw away one item to be tidy, DH! He's the one who spreads clutter wherever he goes!

[Jimjams]

ROFl @ the urine idea jmb- you've seen our stairs- any ideas?

pixel I don't think there is much in the way of grants as dh will earn too much. Unfortunately all our money went into buying the house - probably not a choice I'd make now- but still.

My HV is good, very caring, she came out last week to weigh ds3, but she always gives me the impression she thinks I should be depressed. She gives me those questionnaires and when I come out as happy as larry she eyes me suspiciously, so I tend to get a bit defensive In fact when she was round last week she told me not to just answer that i was fine, as she knew I would do that but to ask for help if needed- ime thought there isn't really the help out there (or its a battle to find!) I will ask her though (or ask my mum to- my mum works from the same clinic).

Right house is a pigsty, and I've been reading fly lady so cup of tea then I'm rolling up my sleeves and looking for 27 things to throw away (dh's comment? "it's going to take a while if you nly do 27 things a day")

[pixel]

What about the council? Don't they have some system of grants available to homeowners and private landlords who can't afford necessary improvements to their properties? You might qualify for some help with the windows as it is a safety issue.

[pixel]

Jimjams, to answer your earlier question about judging sizes, my ds had a toy farm with a barn. The only attention he EVER paid to it was to spend hours trying to fit the tractor through the hayloft hatch, even though it was twice the size. He was also determined to fit into dd's doll buggy but there was no way that he could. Didn't stop him trying though!

Sorry I don't have any useful safety suggestions. It took us ages to find this house to rent because we had to make sure it was as safe as possible for ds. You'd be surprised how many staircases are like yours! It's a shame because we've ended up with this pokey place as time was running out, but hey! the staircase is totally boxed in! Plus the front door opens on to a green, not the main road like some places we looked at so we at least stand a chance if he dashes out. What fun it all is!

Just a thought, presumably you still have a health visitor as you have little ones, is she the helpful sort? I know mine has taken the trouble to find out about things for me before now, and put me in touch with people who could help me.

[jmb1964]

Jimjams - sorry to hear half term has been difficult, but at least it's over now. I had dips with all of ours at about 6-8 weeks, and you've certainly had a lot to contend with this last week especially.
Musing on the electric fence deterrent thing, I was wondering if you can paint window frames, banisters etc with something that would put a really nasty taste on his hands (if he licks them much?), or makes them uncomfortably sticky?? Our ds1 used to go bananas with certain textures like playdo, couldn't BEAR having sticky fingers.
Just been reading one of those getting-a-dream-life-in-a-fallen-down-house-in-a-hot-country books, and they painted young trees and vegetables with diluted (human)urine to keep the sheep off them.. Maybe not

[ImuststopdrinkingBlossomhill]

Jimjams - Please don't apologise, it's fine. You have just had a baby for christ sake!!!!
I still think you are an inspiration. Wish I was half as good with dd as you are with ds1.

[Jimjams]

Thank you - you are both very sweet but you wouldn't have said that if you had seen me last night ranting at dh and reaching for the wine bottle (good job ds3 is being mixed fed I think). BH I'm very aware that I didn't reply to your last email- sorry I am useless at the moment though- I haven't replied to Davros either

[ImuststopdrinkingBlossomhill]

I agree sm - you are an inspiration jj x

[ScummyMummy]

Total aside- but I can't believe how brilliantly you're doing with 3, jj. You are such a star.

[Jimjams]

high handles would be - but high locks would probably be better- he soon learns to get a chair, and also I'd worry about ds2 being shut in with high handles.

[ScummyMummy]

Hmm. I referred quite a few kids with learning disabilities to O.T. when I was working in SE London- mixed results admittedly but sometimes they were great. Certainly didn't question the referral, anyway. Very ed at that, Davros. Would high door handles be an option for your house, jj?