Could I ask those of you with autistic children

[Flightlite]

whether this list makes any sense to you?

It was on some parenting website, I was googling for signs and this was listed under what your baby should be doing by 12 months:

By 12 Months
She doesn't crawl.

She doesn't say single words.

She doesn't use gestures such as waving or shaking her head.

She doesn't point to objects or pictures.

She can't stand when supported.

Ds did just about crawl.
He still has no words whatsoever - he's almost 15mo. He babbles but nothing makes any sense. Even 'Mama' isn't reliable.

He rarely waves, seems to be an accident when he does. Doesn't shake his head or nod.

He doesn't point to things.

He can stand now - is starting to take first few steps.

Should I be worried? He has also started to flap his hands quite a lot but this tends to be when he doesn't want to do something, not generally in excitement iyswim.

Thanks for any thoughts.

[FlightAttendent]

Hi Poshpaws, thanks for adding your story.

I spoke to my mother this morning while she was here - she kept pointing out things that he does that are normal, and indicate he has Ok social skills etc...but even though she worked with children as a music therapist ages ago, I still have my private concerns about him. I guess we will just see how things progress.

I hope your Ds will be Ok at school too

[barmymumma]

I think these 'standardised' milestones on the net or anywhere are an absolute nightmare and all it does is worry you. It's even harder when friends kids are miles ahead. DD1 had very slow gross motor skills, she started to bottom shuffle at 15 months and eventually walked at almost 2years. She is now 3 and you would never know she had a slow start, she's right up there with all her friends. DD2 however (only 14 months) has very slow gross and fine motor skills. The gross doesn't bother me as I can see DD1 now and see how it doesn't matter, but we have various therapies for help DD2. At the end of the day all kids develop at different rates and they'll do their own thing in their own time. Hopefully one day we'll catch up, but to be honest if she doesn't she'll still be the light of my life! What I'm really trying to say is ignore these so called milestones, they do it in their own time.

[sickofthisrain]

Don't for goodness sake ever pick up the Miriam Stoppard guide for first time parents. She reckons babies should be pointing at 9 months and clapping from 6-7 months if memory serves. It's crazy and has caused me a lot of needless anxiety with DS2!!

[CaptainPlump]

When DS was around 13 months old I found the CHAT (checklist for autism in toddlers) screening tool. It's discussed on the NAS website here -

www.nas.org.uk/nas/jsp/polopoly.jsp?d=128&a=2226

Basically it says that a child who doesn't point, follow a point (engage in shared attention) or engage in imaginary play by the age of 18 months is at a high risk of developing autism. DS was doing none of those things at 13 months and I spent the next 5 months obsessively watching for them to appear, but they never did. He's nearly 5 now, has a diagnosis of autism and has just started to point, sometimes.

I wouldn't change him for anything!

[IAteDavinaForDinner]

I've read this thread with interest and am probably being super-PFB but I sometimes have concerns about my DS (13 months). He's so young that I think it's probably just me stressing, but he does do a lot of hand-flapping, especially if presented with an interactive toy (shape sorters are for bashing - if you demonstrate putting a shape in a hole he kicks the box and flaps his hands) or often at mealtimes, where he tires easily. He is can't-put-my-finger-on-it odd - he'll be mega-interactive, chatty and babbling one day, then a few hours later he goes into "the zone" where he doesn't make much eye contact and potters off, preferring to climb or crawl by himself. I don't have much experience of babies, but sometimes I do wonder about him when he seems so wrapped up in his own wee world.

Having said that he points lots, only when in good form though, and smiles, laughs, engages with other peopls - it's just these periods where he seems so withdrawn and reserved that concern me I guess.

I guess it would make sense to talk to the HV but DP will be most displeased about more "unnecessary worrying" on my part ... ho hum!