Time to give up?

[Starlightstargazer]

My DD is 14. She has diagnosed ASD, ADHD, SPD and mental health problems.
Life was up and down but ok in primary school. Secondary has been a disaster. We’ve been trying to get an EHCP for the last 22 months but LA constantly kicking can down the road.
We found a brilliant specialist independent, which covers all her needs. The LA have said no and named an LA special school instead.

The LA school is nice and has positive aspects, but it doesn’t meet her needs. Initially I thought, I’m going to fight this, go to tribunal, ‘bring it on’, but I’m so tired and worn down from constantly fighting for things. I’m not sure I can go on for potentially another year like this.

DD has been out of school for 6 months.

How did you know it was time to admit defeat and stop fighting for what you think is right?

[Headfirstintothewild]

Personally, I would appeal. Is the independent wholly independent or a s41 independent? In the meantime, if DD can’t attend school, is alternative provision being provided?

[Starlightstargazer]

@Headfirstintothewild

Personally, I would appeal. Is the independent wholly independent or a s41 independent? In the meantime, if DD can’t attend school, is alternative provision being provided?

Thank you for replying - it’s wholly independent. At the moment, the council are giving her 3 hours of academic tutoring and 3 hours of wellbeing. I’m worried they will pull the plug on that as they’ll say they’re offering her a full time education at the LA school.

[Headfirstintothewild]

6hrs a week isn’t a suitable full time education. Send the LA one of the IPSEA model letters. The LA may try to stop provision but if DD can’t attend you should challenge this. 

[Starlightstargazer]

@Headfirstintothewild

6hrs a week isn’t a suitable full time education. Send the LA one of the IPSEA model letters. The LA may try to stop provision but if DD can’t attend you should challenge this. 

It’s like they have pulled the shutters down now the final ehcp has been given! they’ve never been good at communication, so much so that on Friday , I received a reply to my stage 1 complaint I made in June 2023!!

the education company say the absolute most they have ever done is 9 hours made up of 4.5 hours of academic and 4.5 hours of education.

Ill use the IPSEA letter - thanks!

[Starlightstargazer]

I think it’s just that this has taken so long. 22 months to get the final ehcp. I had such a sense of release and happiness when we got the offer for specialist independent and the LA said no can’t meet need.
The suddenly, LA school comes back as can meet need and finalised hours later!!

it was worse having the hope and then having it snatched away!! DD self harming again as a result.

speaking to a solicitor Wednesday. Fees will go on mortgage.

you’re right though, this brings greatest rewards. Just worried we’ll lose the place at ind school.

[Headfirstintothewild]

Looking at the appeal, if money is tight focus on independent assessments over a solicitor. If you can’t afford independent assessments, Parents in Need can sometimes help.

Even 9 hours is not considered a suitable, full-time education. Take what the LA and tuition company (which obviously has a relationship with the LA) say with a pinch of SALT.

[Starlightstargazer]

@Headfirstintothewild

Looking at the appeal, if money is tight focus on independent assessments over a solicitor. If you can’t afford independent assessments, Parents in Need can sometimes help.

Even 9 hours is not considered a suitable, full-time education. Take what the LA and tuition company (which obviously has a relationship with the LA) say with a pinch of SALT.

Yes money is tight so I think we will need to do professional reports and the rest ourselves. Very difficult to find expert witness reports though. Have only found one and they are booked for months!

[Starlightstargazer]

Interesting what you’ve said about the tuition. We had to wait 3 months for that to start and that was after quoting the section 19 bit. Worried about rocking the boat and them not doing it anymore

[Headfirstintothewild]

Yes, EPs/OTs etc. are busy. An indication of the state of the system. But keep persevering, it is possible to find professional(s) who will take you on and cancellations come up. If money is tight I really would prioritise independent assessments over legal advice. 

If DD is unable to attend school and the LA refuse to provide or stop providing a suitable, full time education get in contact with SOSSEN. Their PAP project includes failure to provide education to those unable to attend school.  

[Starlightstargazer]

Really appreciate the advice

[chronicpainmumandadhdson]

Hi guys, I feel you are basically "left to do it" no direction/ advice / help. School are reluctant to "name" "diagnose" anything. Your child gets constantly suspended and it's only when you actually figure out things yourself after banging your head against a brick wall!! I have had an ADHD diagnosis for my son within 8 months through constantly asking questions/ringing various agencies. I know that dependant on age, area, and even GP they haven't a clue! I fought hard and so so many times felt like giving up! THEN I questioned the school and their reasonings and their reduced hours... I have been left myself to do EHCP which thank god I got! My son would have been another "forgotten child" I heard today that now? He's being assessed for final assessment for autism. I have no family, no support, and my own problems. It terrifies me, that the parents who get told no first time don't know they can still question any decision. My son's primary had never or been in touch with ADHD North-west! It's a flawed system. I only just about got to this point. It's so so hard!! Please remember you are your child voice! Keep fighting. I am really low myself. At least I know my son will get at least some help. Please don't give up

[sleepworkmum]

@Starlightstargazer , well done for everything you have done over the years for DD. It's such a huge, huge slog and so emotional for everyone. It sounds like this whole process is really taking its toll on you and DD. Big hugs to you.

It is 1000% OK to be thinking about just pulling out of the whole process. If it's not working, it's not working, and that is a hard and brave thing to admit. If DD is self harming, that is a huge sign. However, pulling out without a back up in place is a big decision, and if there is one more chance to appeal/push and if there is a decent chance you would be successful, then that is almost certainly worth taking.