To still take my sen neice overnight?

[LizardLegs66]

My neice is 8 and is autistic non verbal, pica disorder, not toilet trained plus other complex needs. We have 3 children of our own and they are all similar ages. We have always taken our neice overnight monthly since she was a baby. This was fine as what's one more in a house with 3 young kids but now they are all a bit older it's becoming increasingly difficult for us. The last time she stayed there were several meltdowns where she was uncontrollable, small toys were found in her stool (polly pockets and lego), and she got up to wander round the house in the middle of the night. My sister and her husband have a great social life and despite their difficult situation have good support and do get a night off most weekends as all the family take a shot at babysitting.

Over the past year other family members have said they are finding it too much and would rather watch child in her own home. My sister has not been happy about this as it doesn't give them the whole night off. She's moaned and moaned at me about it and says she's so grateful we still take child at our home but I'm now at the point where I need to say the same and I feel so guilty about this. At their home they have lots of adaptions and it would just be safer and my neice would be more content overall. I would still offer an overnight and stay at their house but I just know it won't go down well at all.

Am I being unreasonable?

[Headfirstintothewild]

No, I don’t think you are being unreasonable.

If the only adaptation was for the wondering at night, I would suggest DS looks at travel safe space bed, but you say adaptations so I imagine there other adaptations rather than just a safe bed at home.

[BestZebbie]

YANBU - not only for your own convenience but because the child would probably feel less stressed in her own home rather than in a place she only stays once a month and which already has three permanently resident children. If she is melting down badly at yours she is not feeling happy and safe (not necessarily due to anything you are doing wrong!) and that need trumps her parent's desire to go out and then come back to the house to themselves.
They will need to find their 'alone time' at home when she is sleeping, or tell the babysitter they are going for a meal/activity but actually book a hotel for the evening...