Help me get my son on track.

[dentydown]

Currently I am in pre-court proceedings with social services.

i fear all of my children may be removed or my 11 year old son may be removed from me.

One of the problems they stated was my children lack structure and routine. I have structure and routine for my 5 year Old and 13 year old. My 11 year old refuses to participate in the school routine.

it started 3 years ago when he didn’t like school. Eventually I was taking him in a wheelchair and he was screaming as I was pushing him down the street. I was then told taking him in a wheelchair was inappropriate and to use words And remove his iPad.

he has caused me nerve damage by twisting my head quickly to the side when I was trying to get him to school.

the last time I took his iPad, he self harmed. I was advised against taking his iPad. I have run out of punishment/rewards.

he feels that if one thing goes wrong, he will have a bad day and give up. One day his battery toothbrush broke and he couldn’t go on until it was replaced.

He doesn’t want to go anywhere unless it’s somewhere he really wants to go. He prefers to stay home on his iPad or tending to his plants.

He can’t quantify why he hates school. Apparently he is “perfectly happy at school” although he maintains he isn’t. He keeps telling me home is a safe place for him. School isn’t.

any ideas where to start? Either by getting him to school on time or any techniques/websites I can read.

[LargeLegoHaul]

Has DS been seen by CAMHS, OT, SALT? Is there ongoing support?

Does he have an EHCP?

How is his eating and sleeping?

What changes do social care want you to make and have you done them? What has your solicitor advised?

Lots of questions, don’t feel you have to answer.

[dentydown]

he does have an echp. I have requested transport to get him to secondary school. I am not sure he will get it because it is only a mile away.

He is a selective eater. He has a few foods that safe, with some fruit and veg. I have been including this in his diet. He is triggered by texture. The only support they give for this was printed out a4 sheets and suggestions of bubbles as a distraction.

Sleeping is terrible. He will make himself stay awake all night if he has to go to school.

He went on a residential trip and “happily” went to bed because “he had a routine”. The residential trip didn’t have any school work, and he had a lot of free time with friends. It was a completely different environment.

I have been told he doesn’t fit ood because he doesn’t present himself that way at school. I wonder if he has some attachment to me where he feels that me coming back after the school run, he gets alone time with me.

I just need to work out how to get him to willingly get to school. Also willingly to go out with us as a family.

The school have tried interventions, he has had 6 sessions of cahms. Things cahms have suggested were put into place.

he is hyper mobile, his hips are pointing outwards, he has very flat feet and his eyesight is poor +7 +8. he wears glasses but they are super thinned down to make them comfortable (they would be 1cm thick other wise)

[LargeLegoHaul]

Have you had an early review of the EHCP? DS needs ongoing therapy not just 6 sessions, he also needs ongoing OT, physio and SALT. This can be written in the EHCP so if CAMHS can’t or won’t provide it the LA must. Rather than school have you considered requesting EOTAS?

Are the LA providing alternative provision in whatever form DS can engage with?

The statutory walking distance is irrelevant where SEN means the child cannot reasonably be expected to walk.

Have you considered ASD, particularly a PDA profile?

Look at ARFID, you could ask for a referral to a specialist clinic - Maudsley have an ARFID clinic and GOSH’s eating disorder service is also good with it.

Does DS take anything to aid sleep?

[dentydown]

He has a diagnosis of ASD. I will read into PDA. How would I get help for PDA. Currently they are blaming my parenting. I have started to document routine. Unfortunately his looks dire. My two children’s routine looks like “wake up, breakfast, dressed, clean teeth “.
his looks like “wakes up, offered breakfast -refused, offered breakfast -refused, given clothes, reminded to dress, reminded to dress, reminded to dress, given shoes again” etc.
i have to take my little girl to school and then come back and carry on the fight.

currently he takes nothing to sleep. He asked for a face mask that plays music and tries to go to sleep wearing that.

[LargeLegoHaul]

Have a look at the PDA society. Not all areas will diagnose PDA as a stand-alone diagnosis, but instead say ASD with demand avoidance traits.

What is DS like when you remove the demand of school?

Would DS take melatonin?