Problems with Ritalin and being bullied....help! (long, sorry)

[Chocol8]

I wonder if I could pick your rather clever collective minds about a couple of things:

Firstly, my ds's school have reported that in the last fortnight or so that there is a "fluctuation in his behaviour" in the afternoons. I can't say that I have noticed this at weekends, but will monitor it this weekend. Apparently, he "fidgits, is unable to sit on carpet in one place, crawls around, shouts out and makes noises". I suggested it may be due to a growth spurt and his med may need to be increased, however I was not happy to do this until I have spoken to his consultant.

I am seeing his teacher next week to speak in more detail. However, the second thing is that my ds is being bullied.
Last week he was forcefully pushed from a standing position to the floor by his head and into a lying position. Then a "big boy" took a jump into the air balled himself up and landed on my ds's chest. He was unable to breathe in without sharp pain for quite a while and was obviously very distressed and upset.

I received a note telling me that he had a hurt himself on the chest but there was no bruising! For Gods sake he is all skin and bone with not an ounce of fat on him at all - especially on his breast bone. He did have a mark that showed up a few days later however.
Various incidents have happened more recently one where he had his shoes taken (don't ask me how) and he was left with just socks on on a muddy field. Today he was tied to a tree with a skipping rope and kicked. I am told that his teachers and dinnerladies are keeping an eye on him in the playground...yeah right! He wears a bright orange anorak for a very good reason ffs, to attract the dinnerladies attention incase he gets any hassle. It's obviously just not working.

I called to speak to the new headmistress as I know she has zero tolerance on bullying, but she was busy and I spoke to the monosyllabic deputy head who just said that they would not be taking action unless it happened again. He could not see (maybe cos he is male??) why I was so upset at the jumping on chest incident.

I realise that his peers cannot figure why he is different, they just can't work it out but they know instinctively that he is. He is such a friendly, helpful little soul (when on his Ritalin) and is having a really hard time understanding why his "friends" are hurting him and picking on him all the time. It seems to be the national passtime to pick on him at the moment! What can I do, what can I tell him? I feel like saying he should punch them back but I can't. How far should I take this? I told my ds that I am going to write down all that he remembers about the incidents and speak to his teacher about it. Should I insist that the headmistress is present when talking about this?

Any suggestions gratefully received, sorry it is so long.

[Davros]

I am pretty sure that the parent is supposed to be part of the IEP process and be able to give input before and after it is written. Possibly its in some guidelines or other somewhere....

[Chocol8]

Davros - that's outrageous!

I spoke to a friend of a friend tonight who said that an IEP should be agreed between parent, school and the child together. TBH, prior to this latest form, there has never been a part to sign or make suggestions. Is she right?

She knows the SENCo at ds's school and said she can be a right b*h (she ain't joking!). It was suggested that it was very wrong for the PiP to be an ex colleague of the SENCo...a conflict of interest.

Any ideas? She suggests that they are doing quite a bit wrong and ds should be moved to a different school after a formal complaint is made.

[mrsforgetful]

chocs- will post tomorrow...sorry things are still so cr*p

[Davros]

i got something once from an LEA person, can't remember what it was and DS was called George and he isn't George !!! I've also heard of a Statement with the wrong name in parts where they've just cut and pasted their default paragraphs!

[hmb]

The iep being pants is a very different thing. There is no excuse for that and your ds deserves and needs better than that.

[Chocol8]

Sorry, hmb I didn't see your reply before I carried on ranting!

I do understand what you are saying, totally. I know the teacher didn't produce the IEP form but feel that as a specific form, this should have been checked and double checked for typos. The school letters I get at home have usually 1 or 2 typos in them also...I just think they reflect badly on the school.

I take my hat off to you hmb - at least you bother to get it right, and you are aware of the fact that you may be dyslexic - I have the feeling that the schools excuse would be that they had no time or something, not that they are too lazy to get it checked!

It's probably just me, but I feel that as an educational facility, they should take more care in making sure that forms/letters/reports etc are spelled correctly like you do.

His IEP, when I eventually managed to decipher it was a load of pants anyway, so will go through it on Wednesday night with ds and come up with something better.

[Chocol8]

The form has been done on the pc and they have always been handwritten! It's not like they don't have the technology!

There is literally a line to fill in for mine and ds's contribution, which I suppose I should be happy about as this has never been on any other IEP!

Tonight, he got one piece of homework and it had been drawn (badly) and then photocopied. The drawing and the numbers are so feint that I can bearly read them - and the numbers have been written very badly. It's not the photocopying as the text at the top is very clear.

I am just fed up when I hear of the high standards and proper homework (which is at least marked, or commented on) that my friends children receive. I have tried to involve myself with the school and show willing - always on hand to help with trips, displays, taking stuff in, paying towards outings, birthday cakes etc etc, but I feel like I get nothing back at all.

The SENCo and ds's teacher wanted to revert back to using smiley face charts - he had these when he joined the school ffs! They treat him like a baby or a naughty child, not a child with special needs. I am very wound up that we cannot discuss this at the meeting on Thursday, but to bring this up will just be like banging my head even harder against a brick wall!

[hmb]

Can I just put in a little teeny plea for mercy. I'm a teacher and I can't spell. I have done a variety of online tests and they seem to indicate that I may well be dyslexic. I realise that this isn't the same as having a proper diagnosis, but when I was in school dyslexia wasn't recognised.

I try my very best, I use OHPs that are spell checked whenever I can ...I generate these in my own time. The trouble is that my spelling is so bad that I often don't know that I can't spell a word.

Before you all fall on my and say that I am a disgrace to teaching, my spelling of scientific words in relativly unaffected. I still manage to correct the spelling of the kids I teach, but I know that I do make mistakes.

But can I say that I try to be a positive role model for the kids who have been diagnosed as dyslexic? I hope to show that that anything is possible. I also feel that I have a great deal of understanding for children who may be ashamed of their spelling. I know that I am of mine.

Yes, they should be careful and spell check, but some of us do try and sometimes make mistakes. I am not the only possible dyslexic teacher in my department. There are many with a formal diagnosis in teaching.

[coppertop]

So much for having a parent/school partnership! Ds1's IEPs were handwritten at pre-school as they had no IT resources but they were always clear. At school they are typed and spell-checked.

[jakbrown]

Sorry you got that 3 times!
Wanted to add, why can't they arrange another meeting to discuss 'other issues'?!!!!

[jakbrown]

Totally understand Chocol8- had that MANY times. Makes you feel as if they can't be bothered to take their time with it or use a bloody spellcheck

[jakbrown]

Totally understand Chocol8- had that MANY times. Makes you feel as if they can't be bothered to take their time with it or use a bloody spellcheck

[jakbrown]

Totally understand Chocol8- had that MANY times. Makes you feel as if they can't be bothered to take their time with it or use a bloody spellcheck

[Chocol8]

Hello you lovely people, i'm sorry - it's time for a rant again....!

I got my ds's IEP tonight. Well, I can't even read some of the writing on it! The form has obviously been redone, and get this: 2 typos: "Parent/CAREER contribution" (with a very small gap to write in) and then "AREA'S of concern". WTF?

Am I the only one who finds it infuriating that schools cannot write proper English? How can I go through the IEP and agree it with ds if I can't bloody read it?

His teacher makes spelling mistakes all the time: YESTURDAY, UNFORTUNATLY, CONSOLTATION etc etc. Urghhhhhhh!

I guess I should be lucky that I even got a bloody IEP this time, but am not impressed - they just don't seem to get it. Have a parent consultation on Thursday, but apparently there is a structure to the consultation and so they cannot discuss "these other issues"

I am going to go away and implode somewhere (don't wanna explode and have to clear up the mess afterwards).

[Davros]

Agree Choc, the only way you will get support that doesn't disappear will be with a statement. I'm sure he is entitled to one with an AS dx and how come the SENCO didn't know? Maybe you need to think about how his AS and "social" needs impact his ability to be educated

[heartinthecountry]

I think, chocol8, but am not sure, that a Statement would cover social needs as well as academic ones, someone else with more experience will know. So, maybe it would be a good idea if your ds was statemented. That way, it would mean, for example, that they couldn't just stop providing his classroom assistant (in theory anyway). It would also mean there is an official record of his dx and what this means in terms of his extra needs.

I can understand your frustration with the school having no record of his dx.

[808state]

Chocol8,

I am late to this thread but have read it all.

It may also help you to speak to IPSEA about your son as they may well be able to advise you further. Their website is www.ipsea.org.uk. Would also suggest you look at www.bullying.co.uk for further suggestions.

I wonder also how the school did not realise that your son has an AS diagnosis?. To my mind having seen the experiences of many SN including my son (who now has a statement) no statement = no support whatsoever.

I know of someone whose autistic son had very similar problems with regards to playtime breaks and lunchtime. The dinnerladies were also of not much use either. It took his mum a lot of fight to get extra support for him but she got it eventually. She is also now going to remove her son from this school (he is now 6) as she's had more than enough of the way her son has been treated over the past couple of years.

I wish you all the best with your next meeting on Tuesday. Write down everything you want to address before you get in there.

HTH a bit

[Chocol8]

Just a quick update...being unable to get an answer to whether the head would be at the meeting, the long and short is NO. The SENCo then called me back explaining that the head will not become involved at this stage but may do in the future if required (much further down the line).

I didn't mention that Parent in Partnership would be attending on Tuesday because the SENCo used to work with him and I didn't want there to be any conflict of interest prior to the meeting.

The SENCo was then bringing up the subject of Statmenting, and told me this would take 6 months where I hadn't even mentioned this subject, so don't know what's going on there. My ds doesn't need one as he is fine academically, but not socially, hence the bullying problems in the playground. I asked her to bear in mind that since he's been at the school (he's now year 2) he has had a classroom assistant along with another boy in the class full time, and this has now suddenly disappeared. I said that I felt he was coping well with this sudden change considering he is AS. She told me that there was NO RECORD of this dx on his record and then proceeded to ask me who, when where etc he got the dx! I lost my rag then, and spoke through gritted teeth for the rest of the conversation, some of which she spoke over me.

I am not a happy bunny and it has taken over 3 hours to calm down as I was in tears when I put the phone down.

She said that there are a lot of staff (head, ds's teacher and herself) and they were still trying to "get things right". I said that my ds was not a guinea pig and that new things should not be tried and tested on him. I am considering looking for a new school for him, but know that the Special Needs schools are at bursting point.

Today is my first four day week and I have completely blitzed my ds's bedroom ready for the decorating - next week hopefully. It's not been a good day so far and i'm more wound up than ever.

Am I being unreasonable to expect that my ds is watched a little more closely during playtime to ensure he is not hurt, and that having reached year 2 that they are even aware he has AS? I despair.

[marthamoo]

Chocol8 - they are taking the p*ss, what is wrong with them ? Sorry you didn't get anywhere today..how has ds been at school today?

Jimjams - glad your meeting was positive.

[Davros]

Jimjams, you're right they do read the Grauniad round here as well as Variety and Kaballah Weekly . I'm strictly Private Eye and Heat, good combo I think!

[heartinthecountry]

Sorry Jimjams - when I said 'better support' I was really meaning 'even better' as I thought he did have good support already... the problems with virtual chat and lack of intonation . Sounds like this Ed Psych will help push things in the right direction with more specialist support for school and therefore ds1.

They were talking about the inclusion thing on Radio 4 today - as you say Jimjams - stating the bleedin' obvious. The Telegraph have been covering this issue quite a lot (I have to read it at work before you ask!). There was an article last week about More House in Surrey as an illustration of how inclusion is not always best.

Sorry for hijacking your thread chocol8 - hope you manage to get them to listen to you properly.

[Jimjams]

Not sure BH- possibly- it would depend who becomes the coordinator I think.....

[Jimjams]

My god Davros- I thought everyone read the Guardian in your area

[blossomhill]

Glad to hear it all went well today jimjams

Are they still talking about outreach to a sn school (I hope that's right?). If so how would that work?

[Davros]

Do you always have fish and chips on Wednesday then? Must be good where you live