I don't even know where to start because my life feels like a giant mess but one of my biggest issues is my 8yo DD.
These are the problems:
- she is angry, what feels like all the time. Once she is in the throws of a tantrum, it is very hard to calm her down. We usually put her in her room and it will take upto half an hour for her to calm down but often she will lose it again quite quickly and this can go on all day
- she is violent and will hit, kick and throw things in the house (this is everyday). She's broken so many things. Often the violence starts when she gets frustrated at herself or when she can't have something she wants immediately or if she can't do something she wants to do (either if I say no or she finds it difficult or it doesn't go how she wants it to - failing at computer games and her drawings 'going wrong')
- she is constantly screaming, shouting and swearing at me. Every other word is 'fuck'
- she is incredibly unkind and nasty to her younger DSis. She seems to get pleasure from upsetting people and will smile or laugh if we tell her she is being unkind. She is often rude to my friends and their DC.
- she is anxious a lot, worries about things
- she is generally unhappy and when I talk to her about it she will say that nobody loves or likes her and she is rubbish at everything. She often complains that she has no friends but her school say this isn't the case? Other times she will tell me everybody is her friend. She goes through phases where she threatens suicide and I once found her in her room with a belt around her neck
- she is constantly complaining about being in pain, her foot hurts, her legs hurt, her back hurts. Even paper cuts seem to cause a lot of distress
- she's very particular about clothes and the way they feel. Socks annoy her and her trousers have to be tight fitting but her tops have to be loose
- she is overweight and no longer fits most of her school uniform. She may even be obese at this point (I haven't weighed her)
- she's an incredibly fussy eater and is gradually eliminating entire food groups. She has refused to eat potatoes or potato products for years but now will no longer eat rice or pasta. She only seems to like bread.
- she's decided she doesn't like certain people. Refuses to see her dad (although I think some of her reasons are genuine), no longer likes my DP, now she tells me she hates me
- she is incredibly black and white about things, refuses to compromise, see things from another perspective or humour in things (she's quite literal). Her version of events is often very different from reality but you can't persuade her that things aren't quite the way she thinks of them
I have asked for help on a few occasions. We've had two CAHMS referrals from my GP but both times I was told her issues are behavioural and I should read a parenting book (specific one suggested) or get a family support worker. After that we paid for private counselling but I can't afford it abd she hated going. Only once has she lost it at school and she's doing quite well academically so they don't have concerns. After the incident at school (which included her throwing rocks at classmates) we were referred to a play therapy place for one term. I was self employed at the time so was able to take her (during school hours) but my employment has changed now. It was helpful in that it seemed to improve her self esteem but her behaviour was still poor. I believe we can ask for her to be sent for one more term but then that's it.
I don't know what to do. I'm ill and struggling anyway and I'm totally out of my depth. I often resort to just screaming at her because I can't cope with her behaviour but I know this is wrong and isn't helping. What can I do? Nobody wants to help me. I sometimes feel like telling her dad to have her full time but she hates him and I doubt he would be any better at helping her.
Can someone please suggest something? I'm at the end of my limited resources.