If I listed these behaviours, what would you think?

[WoodchipPicker]

I'm concerned about a child in my family's behaviour. Parental discipline is very lax, but I'm worried there's more to it than lack of boundaries, structure and consequences.
If I list some behaviours, could you please tell me what you think?
5 year old boy. Late walker and talker. Now has a very wide vocabulary.

Very confident, cocky with adults, not so confident with peers. Dictates what and how they play. Has an overwhelming obsession with transport. Has memorised whole timetables and talks about these constantly. Watches hours of transport videos on YouTube. Is word perfect quoting films he watches over and over.

Very limited food likes. Poo withholding, monumental tantrums. Manipulative behaviour to get what he wants. Very impulsive with little concept of cause and effect. Constantly interrupts conversations to talk about something unconnected, usually transport. Has anxiety about everyday situations. Hits people, randomly pokes eyes, spits, bites and laughs when he hurts someone.

Has no sleep routine and seems to function on very little sleep. Selfish, demanding and never satisfied with the here and now.

He will start reception class after the summer holidays. The family know his behaviour is challenging, but think he's just a typical boy, is ready for school, hilarious and highly intelligent yada yada. I'm not so sure and would really appreciate your thoughts.

When 2 additional needs occur for example, dyslexia and dyspraxia.

Could be 2 or more actually.

Co-morbid is often used but co-occurance is becoming more common. I think it's an attempt to move away from the idea of 'disease' iyswim. It's maybe a gentler term.

RunnyRattata
My experience as a parent of a child with relatively mild ASD is that the family shapes itself around the child and it's later, when you see the child in context of other children from outside the family, that the penny starts to drop

This was so true for us with DS1. We did shape ourselves around him without realising we were doing so. It was only when he started in reception that we could clearly see he acted differently to the others. It was very clear when the teacher kept stopping us for a chat at hometime about some problem DS had that day.

I don't think there is urgency in getting a diagnosis in the case of the boy that the OP is talking about. Obviously a diagnosis and some help would be good for him but nothing drastic will happen if it turns out he does have ASD and the parents take a bit of time to realise.

OP, I'm sure your heart is in the right place and think this is such an emotive subject (experience of dx and criticism of parental style) that many parents of a child with special needs would find it hard to read.

As someone who is a parent of a child with different special needs and with a child in the extended family similar to the one you describe I would suggest you do things yourself with him that will help develop skills that sound weaker eg offer to take him out for an afternoon regularly and engage in conversations involving true turn taking. Remind him to wait until people have finished speaking before he speaks etc.

If asked for my opinion I would be honest about what you see while being very tactful eg "hmm you are concerned about his social skills? Is it worth asking school senco if they have any strategies or gp if they have any advice?"

Please try to support the parents and come across as sympathetic. I'm sure they are doing their very best and they are probably tired and worried.

He can't be 5 yet if he is just going into Reception. Do you mean he is nearly 5?

I think how he responds to school will be key. His interests may broaden and social skills develop and all may be well. They may not and there may be the suggestion of investigation for HFA- but it sounds like this would be much better accepted coming from the school than you. There is not much you can do really.

He's 5 past We're in Scotland and I wrongly thought that primary 1 here was the equivalent of reception class in England.

sarah if you are so thrilled with the progress your daughter has made and the treatment received from this EP why not start your own thread? I have seen 2 of your comments now, both irrelevant to the threads they are on!

Oh and many people dont have access to £1500 to spend on independent EP's!

Correction 3 comments!!

FFS! 4!! I am off back to face book

OP if you are still there? I guess, despite your concerns, it will come down to your relationship with his parents. Once he starts reception, then any behaviours will have another set of eyes. If you have a good relationship with his parents, I'd just be direct and say, 'Do you think your son could have some autistic traits?' And direct them to a useful website or something. Tell them that of course you may be wrong, but that you'd heard there might be a wait for services, that school may or may not pick things up, and it might do no harm to just check this out.