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SN children

I am so sick of my fucking SEN life

29 replies

Mrsmaudwatts · 24/05/2016 22:12

I am so sick of it all. The relentless fucking groundhog day of ffeelinlikeg the crappiest parent on the planet I wish I could just fucking runaway from it all.

This is not what I expected my life to be and it's not want I expected for my dcs or my but here we all are. Stuck in this shitty situation that has no end in sight. I can't do anything at all to fix anything. I'm just powerless and angry and fed up of the whole fucking shebang.

I'm totally wallowing because our situation isn't even that bad. But I want to scream I Am fucking sick of it!!!!!!!!

I'm sick of teachers. Of school. Of fucking books and experts and well meaning people and people who don't give a shit. Everything and everyone. I'm sick and tired of it all.

But tomorrow I will suck it up and try and drag my family through another shitty day and cry myself to sleep.

I can't be alone?!

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Msqueen33 · 17/06/2016 13:59

Seems it's a constant battle. Support seems woefully inadequate in most areas. Everything is a fight.

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elliejjtiny · 17/06/2016 01:42

Yes, although now I'm recognised by professionals as "mother of child who has aspergers syndrome" rather than "over anxious hypochondriac mother" which helps a bit when he does something that most nearly 10 year olds wouldn't do and I have to explain to a dr why he swallowed a £2 coin and why he is reluctant to tell anyone what happened.

I have to try and get my 3 year old an ehcp soon. My mum thinks that if he doesn't get one that means he doesn't need special school. I'm far more cynical and know that the LA will want him in mainstream because it's cheaper. And because he has an unknown syndrome it's really hard to get advice from people who have been through similar. He is very like children who have downs syndrome except he has hydrocephalus and a cleft lip/palate instead of the heart problems associated with people who have downs syndrome.

I find the support here is quite patchy and you have to really look for it. I'd had dc with SN for 7 years before someone thought to tell me about the local monthly SN drop in group. Some professionals are great (DS4's paed and portage worker) and some just give me a patronising look and tell me that they see parents with children who have much more complex needs than mine do and who cope much better.

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Msqueen33 · 15/06/2016 22:53

The system is royally shit. I'm tempted to go to the council building and beg and cry in person. No one seems to listen. When people say a diagnosis opens the door to support I'm always tempted to laugh as the support here is minimal at best.

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elliejjtiny · 15/06/2016 22:44

Can I join you on your island? It's not so much the children with SN that I find so hard, it's the system, some of the professionals and the mammoth task of organising everyones appointments, meetings etc. Also the way if my dc get something from the family fund or if they don't have to queue at LEGOLAND there is always someone who says we don't deserve it or it's not fair on the nt/healthy/non-sn children.

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Msqueen33 · 13/06/2016 21:50

It's fucking relentless. Youngest is three, doesn't talk, has screamed the entire day and trashed our dining room. I have to go in tomorrow and beg the council early years team who I sent a desperate email to on Friday to help us because I just cannot cope anymore. I'm sick of the lack of services, help and support. This is my second child with Sen which makes it even more devastating. I often wish the group would swallow me up.

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Loveandstuff · 13/06/2016 14:39

I feel the way you do. It's stressful, hard and unpaid. You are not alone. Much love x

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uhoh1973 · 09/06/2016 11:12

Take up squash. Hitting a ball very hard is very good for the stress relief!

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2boysnamedR · 06/06/2016 09:11

I think professionals recently have made my life hell. I have asked for help on potty training and was told I was engaging as ds is capable as a nt child. I think I know he's not so then then feeling of "it's me then" kicks in.

I have disengaged with all the negative unhelpful people and told them they are no longer needed. Honestly if people don't help just say so.

It's quite liberating and lessons the stress

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MaterofDragons · 02/06/2016 17:47

Flowers for everyone. I can relate on so many levels. For me it is the relentlessness of SN that I hate. I feel sometimes I will be consumed by everything that I have to do (and it still won't be the end).

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Mrsmaudwatts · 02/06/2016 16:07

Msqueen, me too. I have never known anger like it. I used to be quite easy going but I am a snappy, arsey cow generally. Full of rage for this shit my whole family has to deal with and for my lovely D's who is just being himself and then guilt because sometimes (completely unfairly) I am angry with him too. If he would just cooperate occasionally... I know it's not that simple but in a bad week, I can't help myself from thinking "couldn't you have just sat down like you were asked. Or not hidden up a tree, just this once".

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Msqueen33 · 02/06/2016 14:07

I'm glad it's not just me with the rage. I get so angry at people who moan about trivial things such as not finding shoes to fit their kids feet, or people wandering along smoking or the fact that I never drank or did drugs at any point. Ate well in pregnancy and adore my child and have ended up with two kids with autism. I'm so fucking angry all the time it's a wonder that I haven't shouted randomly in the street. I keep thinking what if we hadn't conceived that much and waited would they still have autism. I love them all dearly but I hate witnessing them struggle.

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Mrsmaudwatts · 02/06/2016 12:54

I really do wish I could whisk us all away. Its shit. Just shit. I wish I could get to the point of acceptance. But I can't. I angry. I'm livid actually, fucking livid. Constantly. I can't seem to get rid of my anger. I walk around close to melting point everyday. The littles of things send me batshit. Even the well meaning people. I hate having no power, no control, being patronised every single day and school telling me how "hard" it is for them. I KNOW!! I live it 24/7!!!!

Maybe I need buy a baseball bat and go and smack a tree or something. I need to try and get passed this pit if despair but I just don't know how. Its not helping anyone.

[Flowers] to all of you and your lovely DC's x

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Msqueen33 · 31/05/2016 22:13

I thought I'd written this and forgotten but I feel exactly the same. 2 of my three kids have autism. Youngest is three and I'm literally at my wits end with her. I can't believe this is my life. I love all three kids dearly but I hate this life. The supposed professionals, the hitting, the screaming, that my three year old is preverbal. I hate it all.

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zzzzz · 30/05/2016 18:26

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Shortbutsosweet · 30/05/2016 16:30

Feel exactly the same!
It's hard enough being a parent but having a SEN child makes it almost impossible at times. I'm sure they all have the same manual with the useless patronising phrases the really piss you off!

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BlackeyedSusan · 30/05/2016 11:28

what I am sick of is professionals who say you need to do xyand z for dd... and a, b and c for ds... when xyz and aba are incompatible with each other.

eg swimming... yes swimming for a hypermobile child sounds great... but not when you have to take a non swimming, spd autistic water hating child as well.... when you are only one responsible adult and two are required.

and the patronising professionals all of whom (head, nqt, advisor) had taught less children to read combined that I had...

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Tonis2297 · 29/05/2016 20:26

Know where your coming from Flowers we have some shitty days but youv just got to remember tomorrow's a brighter day (well that's what I tell myself Grin)

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Ineedmorepatience · 27/05/2016 10:51

I got pushed to the edge of a breakdown last yr! Dd3 was really struggling in yr 7 and we had done 3 tribunals in 13 months! It was horrendous!

We walked away, we deregistered Dd3 and are now home edding! Her stress levels are significantly reduced as are mine.

Being stuck in that situation for so long has damaged us all, although I think Dd3 has come out of it with least scars in the long run.

Feel for all of you still stuck there! SadFlowers

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TarkaLiotta · 26/05/2016 14:39

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Mrsmaudwatts · 26/05/2016 14:19

If I hear "we're very concerned about xx." One more time, I am going to ask them to finish the sentence... what then?? What do you suggest???????? I am very concerned about your lack of empathy, ideas and compassion!"

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TarkaLiotta · 26/05/2016 13:34

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Mrsmaudwatts · 26/05/2016 12:47

Thanks everyone, I have been lurking but too upset to reply. It does help to know I'm not alone but it's shit for all of us. I am so sick of dealing with "professionals" who don't have an ounce of compassion or empathy.

And I'm just sick of it all really.
I keep getting thinking about all the lovely sen families and children, pushed to breaking point but it. Perhaps we should club together, buy and island and fuck off and just ride the crazy that is our lives.

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RuinedLife · 26/05/2016 11:48

Story of my life Sad

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determinedmumof2 · 25/05/2016 15:46

This is defiantly how I feel today/week ds kick gate, shouted at teachers, tipped over a picnic bench, refused to do any work and then given minecraft all afternoon, than come out of school crying and now hiding in his bedroom. Hurry up bedtime need this day to end.

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PunkyBubba · 25/05/2016 15:15

I could totally have written your post. Sad I just keep thinking one day it has to get easier...

More hugs from me, and just know you are definitely not alone.xxx

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