WWYD?

[StarlightMcKingsThree]

Requested a change of placement for ds for a Sept start and gave LA our preferences which included a concession of a mainstream school with a resource unit, whilst indicating we did not currently think it was suitable (as they rejected ds before) but are willing for them to be consulted in case they have provision now which can meet need. Our preferences are Independent Out of County.

LA has written to mainstream school declaring that it is our preference and challenging them to declare themselves unsuitable, which will be hard for them if they think the parents are determined, given the whole inclusion law stuff.

I don't want to contact school and tell them that we don't want ds to go there. I have another child at this school in any case. But nor do I want them to feel obliged to take a child that they cannot cater for and pretend they can because well, they may well have to and any protestation at this point may well get them my ds anyway, but just with a more expensive (for them) statement.

[lougle]

I think you're being very wise, Star. HE may well be the right choice, one day. But to feel confident that it is THE right choice, rather than 'a choice as good as any other', you are wise to do what you can with the current school.

[StarlightMcKingsThree]

I've survived a lot worse zzzzz but I'm not sure HE isn't actually the right choice. But once chosen all doors are closed and any change in circumstances mean prizing them open with more than a small loss of face.

At least this way HE remains an option. I am terrified of ever having no plan B.

[lougle]

It's not backtracking, Star. It's reevaluating in the light of available evidence and the current educational landscape.

[StarlightMcKingsThree]

Thank you so much, my friends. You don't know what it means to me to have so much support, even when of the challenging kind.

I spoke to the EP this early evening and he explained that moderate functioning applied to the child rather than the ASD. Which means HFA with severe language disorder on top iyswim.

A very kind MNer bought me dinner, a bottle of wine and took me for a walk.

Tomorrow I'd better do my OU assessment and then I need to get on with some serious backtracking.

[lougle]

DD1 is like that, zzzzz, and DD2 to a lesser extent.

[lougle]

Star, that sounds sensible.

The generalising thing can be quite subtle. DD2 is finding bridging through 10 difficult. The SENCO said 'well she needs to really learn her number bonds to 10.' She knows her number bonds to 10. What she doesn't know, is that number bonds to 10 can help her with bridging through 10. To her, they are separate subjects - she can't join the dots.

An example from my life is Geography. I have a mental block with geography. I learn routes as discreet journeys. So, when I went to Chichester University, I learned that I drove to the M27, then kept going past Portsmouth, past Havant, past Emsworth, past Southbourne, until I reached Chichester.

When I needed to go to Brighton, I had to relearn the route. No kidding. I had to learn it as 'Go to Chichester, then......'

There is one memorable day etched in my mind, when I visited a cake shop with my friend and her baby. We went to Winchester and the shop didn't have what we needed. So I, in my wisdom, said 'Let's pop down the motorway to Hedge End.' Hedge End is on J7 of the M27.

So, we were trundling along the M3 from Winchester, talking as I drove, and all was good. Except that when we got to Junction 7, I exclaimed 'Wait a minute.....they've changed the road sign .' To my amazement, the road sign said 'J7 - Basingstoke'. I realised, after a bit of a panic, that I'd forgotten that I had to change from the M3 to the M27 at J4 of the M3, so I was at Junction 7 of the M3.

The point I'm making is that I'm crap at generalising geographical knowledge. I kid you not, that every time I come to a particular Motorway roundabout, I have to say to myself 'I'm in X town. The motorway goes from Southampton to Portsmouth. X town is at y point, so I need to head towards Portsmouth to get to J7......' It's very stressful when you've got the time it takes a set of traffic lights to change from red to green to make your decision!

[mummytime]

Sorry but "EP said ds was like a boy without ASD in the learning context, but during the unstructured time he looked to be the most severely affected in the class."
I don't know much but I do know this is total twaddle!
The son of a friend of mine was able to sit GCSE Maths at 8, I think he taught himself to read at 3 - but he is very severely affected in the area of social skills. They fought and managed (after a lot of heart ache) to force our LA to pay for a placement at a local Independent school for HFA. Academically he is "better" than all his contemporaries there, but he still has huge issues.

[ouryve]

My experiences of lack of generalisation with DS1 tend to relate to situations. He knows how to cross a road safely. He can tell me all about it. It doesn't mean that he can do it, but he knows that if he sees a car moving towards him, he needs to wait. However, if that car is coming towards him on the pavement because someone is coming out of their drive, he just keeps walking at it. He did that, just yesterday and I had to yell at him to stop and wait for it to go several times before he registered.

Lack of generalisation when it comes to learning and academic skills IME is universal amongst most slower learners. It makes phonics difficult to learn and it makes maths difficult to learn, even with lots of repetition and reinforcement. By the time they're attempting GCSEs they may, for example that H is the chemical symbol for hydrogen and they may learn to recognise it in H20 as hydrogen but that doesn't mean that they'll recognise it as hydrogen in HCl. They may have drawn 20 line graphs, but don't remember that this line graph also needs an even scale, labelled axes and to be a smooth curve, rather than join the dots or a bar chart. (line graphs were a lower level skill in Science than Maths NC, to our eternal frustration).

[StarlightMcKingsThree]

Yes Polter I think 'functioning' is misleading and is 'supposed' to be going, though I doubt it will disappear any time soon in the way that people still talk about dyslexia iyswim.

EP said ds was like a boy without ASD in the learning context, but during the unstructured time he looked to be the most severely affected in the class.

You can't be both. Or maybe all ASD is both!?

[StarlightMcKingsThree]

Another thing I need to work through is ds' generalisation skills.

People have been banging on about ds' poor generalisations skills, but in all the years since he has been born, I have never seen this. I have never seen anyone give an example of this either. I certainly can't.

I can see language issues. i.e. being asked to circle half of the 10 sweets on a page and him circling half of every single of the 10 sweets. That is indeed a problem that needs work, but is that what they mean by generalising?

DS came home yesterday and said 'Unfortunately Daddy is late home and can't read the bedtime book'. I said 'unfortunately? Where did you learn that?' ds said 'at school'. I said 'what other words have you been learning?' he said 'luckily'. So I said 'and what does that mean?' and he said 'luckily, Daddy will be back tomorrow and can read the book'.

Or is that not generalising?

I am not denying rigidity in his thinking. But the generalisation thing I have NEVER got to grips with.

Perhaps I should open up a general discussion thread on it!?

[StarlightMcKingsThree]

Thanks both. zzzzz I don't know where is best. And all options are not equal and require compromise.

Unless DS can weekly board at yours of course. That might work.

[StarlightMcKingsThree]

baby ds to nap, not ds.

Thanks Polter. That's the big risk isn't it? That I lose a place where ds is happy never to regain it again. But what will I say to ds when he is 18?

'Sorry you can't read or write son, but you WERE happy'?

I suppose if you HAVE to chose, I would chose happiness over academics because mental health gone wrong is a lot harder to address in adulthood than academics gone wrong.