Disabled toilet debate in "chat" I need opinions, please.

[Ineedmorepatience]

As most of you know I have a Dd with Asd, she is in mainstream school and is academically able. She does however have significant difficulties with sensory issues.

Public toilets have always been a challenge for us its either too smelly, there is a queue, the toilets are dirty or the hand dryers are horrendously loud!

This came to a head on our most recent holiday when I struggled to get her in at all and had lots of judgy people glaring at me when I left her by the door until a cubicle was free and then called her in, thus jumping the queue

Anyway when we got back I ordered a RADAR key so that this wont happen again.

Today a thread has been running on chat about using disabled toilets and now I am doubting myself and thinking that Dd3 maybe shouldnt be using the disabled toilets after all!

So what do you think, am I being unreasonable to allow her to use them? She is getting big now and I cant just manoever her into the ladies. Or should I be more strict with her and just hope she wont refuse outright.

Not a life or death dilemma I know but I hate being judged!

[claw2]

Its such a shame that people choose to express their opinions out loud. Ds used to use the disabled toilet and have no problem with using it.

However he has ASD and continence difficulties, he is not deaf and now refuses to use the disabled toilets or the ladies because of loud comments made to us.

[Ineedmorepatience]

Great timid I am glad the thread has helped you. Sorry you had such a bad experience in Asda though

[TimidLivid]

This helpedme I was in despair last weekend trying to queue up to take ds to toilet screaming and kicking in his buggy people staring hand driers going off in asda and it was radar key for the disabled loo so I just had to leave with him pull ups wet and dripping went to another part of the mall where a cleaner let me use different unlocked loos. I was wondering how can I get a key Other ds is also asd And 14 it would have really helped if I had known when he was younger. So these threads helped as I have ordered a key for them.

[Ineedmorepatience]

Thanks everyone. I have put the radar key on a key ring in the car so we dont forget it when we go out.

We are going on holiday next week so will definitely be using it then

[2old2beamum]

Thanks bigblue pleased to know I am not the only one. I have never had any funny looks!
Good luck

[bigbluebus]

2old I do the same as you. DD is doubly incontinent and in a wheelchair, but not a cat in hells chance of changing her in a disabled loo these days. But sometimes when we are out, I need to use the loo and I can't leave her by herself, so the disabled loo is the only option. Don't get any funny looks from Joe public though because she is in a wheelchair.
I actually got our Radar key when DS (who is 2 years younger than DD) was toilet training. It would have been impossible to get into a toilet quickly with a wheelchair if I was out on my own with both of them, so I used it for him too until he was old enough to go in the gents by himself - and I don't give a damn what other people think.

[AgnesDiPesto]

I had to use them when I was pregnant and too fat to get myself and a toddler into a normal size cubicle!

[2old2beamum]

I am far worse than you lot
Both DC's in wheelchairs. Both incontinent and if I need a wee I use the disabled toilet so I can take wheelchair in with me, a bit dishonest !!

[Saracen]

I have not yet come across any disabled loo in which a RADAR key doesn't work, so you should be fine!

Mind you I must be lucky as no one has ever given me a funny look, even when dd hasn't been in her disabled buggy. Or maybe I just don't notice! I usually have other things to think about.

[signandsmile]

we are another one who uses the disabled loo with DS with ASD, I had never thought about other people's opinions,

Mind you, I am usually too busy repeating the mantra 'no dryers, no dryers, all ok' steering him in with my hands over his ears... .

[nonstopholiday]

See you've ordered one now, sick of, but wanted to add for others that we got ours in the Bentall Centre, Kingston. Top floor, in Centre Management (or similar) they sell them (or did, a couple of years ago). Worth a shot if anyone is in the area.

[Ineedmorepatience]

sickof I think they do work in all standard public disabled loos. I am willing to be corrected though!

[Ineedmorepatience]

Thanks everyone, I do feel more confident and zzzzz I agree that I wouldnt want her to completely refuse to use a toilet outside the house. She has already had a UTI this year from holding her wee at school. She has been using the toilet at school since then though as she didnt want to be in so much pain again.

Agnes I will think of something to say so that I am prepared for if someone says something

I wondered if I could try offering to let them have her for a few days and then tell me she is not disabled

[StarlightMcKenzie]

TBH I think I find it funny when people comment now.

There are so many difficult situations that I have faced have often been so very VERY stressful that when someone sticks their oar in my whole body response is a belly laugh and the ridiculousness and inappropriateness of their opinion or them even having one.

No idea how I got that way. I think it is just survival.

[toffeelolly]

My D's 8 has sn and I bring him into disabled toilets, because he can walk and looks OK some people stare,and you know what they are thinking. But sod the lot of them.

[ScramblyEgg]

I use the disabled toilets with DS(4) who has not-yet-diagnosed Aspergers and major issues with hand driers.

Nobody's said anything so far, but my planned response is 'Being disabled doesn't just mean using a wheelchair'.

[AgnesDiPesto]

It's useful to think of what to say to people who query you in advance as I was once shouted at by an elderly lady who told me I should know better than to use it for ds. I couldn't think of anything to say fast enough. Now I am prepared and just say 'I know it doesn't look like it but he is entitled to use this toilet' and leave the rest to their imagination. There could be any number of medical conditions that would require privacy and space or washing facilities.

[StarlightMcKenzie]

There WAS a disabled loo btw, but quite frankly she didn't need it. What she needed was some compassion and humanity. She's not disabled.

[StarlightMcKenzie]

I guess I must have developed the much needed thick skin. People are funny about loos and queues. My NT 4yr old left it far too late, we ran to the loo to find a queue. DD shrieked about how desperate she was to be completely ignored.

First I took her shorts off, in case of accident, then her knickers off, and finally gave up completely and sat her on the sink.

[sickofsocalledexperts]

Ordered a Radar key - thanks! Do they work for all disabled loos across the country? Wow, if so!

[dinosaursarebisexual]

I couldn't care less if someone thinks my child looks too normal to use a disabled toilet. Sod 'em.

[Ineedmorepatience]

radar-shop.org.uk/

[Scottishdancer]

Ds (Aspergers) age 10 always uses the disabled toilet. He can't tolerate the noise of the hand dryers and won't even go into the toilets if anyone else is in there in case they use the dryer.

[RippingYarns]

I saw that thread first thing this morning, it started right after someone else started one about being pissed off at the word 'meltdown' being used to describe certain behaviour.

Then I went out and probably drew looks at setting up DDs pop up tent for her to eat her picnic in and then escorting her to the disabled toilets - ThisIsMyChild ;)