Fri night too tired for....

[signandsmile]

hi everyone! chezsign has been headless chooksville this week.

finished teaching school basic signs, (they have been brill) made them certificates and arranged to do a surprise presentation in assembly. got whole school signing, good work, well done, and giving a waved round of applause. So sweet!

ds been into school with other newbies for a visit, (been in before, but on own.) met a 'nice' friendly mummy and swapped numbers to meet for coffee, so at least mummy is feeling a bit less insecure. Ds takes it all in stride. !

Will have to start to make all the 'thanks for having him' pressies with ds next week.... (pre-school, portage and special needs group, groups of workers and one to ones...)

How have all your weeks gone??

[EllenJaneisnotmyname]

Horrible parents?! [hgrin] Yes, you are really horrible to care so much and work so hard and allow yourselves to become unpopular with the LA and school! You are a PITA, you'd be getting nowhere if you weren't. [hwink]

[Starchart]

You know I am also lucky that ds is pretty easy going and ALWAYS happy. It makes people like him.

Some of the way he is (not all, biology and sheer luck plays it's part) is because of the way we work so hard with him at home. I reckon people wonder how such a lovely child can come from such horrible parents, but fail to realise that he is lovely partly BECAUSE he comes from horrible parents.

[EllenJaneisnotmyname]

I know how you feel, Star. I've said that we had a very similar attitude from my DS2's school, initially. The headteacher has never spoken to me about DS2 since just before he started and has never attended a review since his transition one, seven years ago, when DS's Paed asked him if he was saying he didn't want my DS at the school. He obviously didn't, but the teachers were good, my DS1 was very happy and settled there. So I worked at it with the support of the advisory teachers and it has been successful. The vile headteacher has just made DS's lovely TA redundant after 7 years. It's hard going in, but it's actually rare for teachers not to want to do their best for the children in their class. I know you have a plan, hopefully this school will allow you to achieve it. [hsmile]

[Starchart]

Oh, the school have already lost their appeal against having ds. They have been told to take him.

They made up extra disabled children that they pretended they had in order to look like they had exceptional pressure on their SN budget but the LA response to that was very funny.

I expect you all think I'm mad for sending him there, but sometimes you just know what you are doing, and I do know what I am doing with this one, and it will work out for the best I'm certain.

[tiredoffightingwithjelly]

Star, sorry you had such a bad day, hope that the school give you a justifiable explanantion. if they don't then..........

Hope you have something planned to enjoy over the weekend.

[Starchart]

it does mean no pussyfooting around.

We're starting from the bottom with this one and I think knowing me, that is better as I find being accused of getting it wrong, or alluding to someones immoral or unprofessional practice stressful. I don't need to allude to anything.

This situation is also better for tribunal and might help us win what we need if the school are incapable or unwilling.

[Starchart]

Do you know what? It IS shit, but it is also helpful.

Most of you/us would be treading carefully with a new school in order not to upset relations and be careful about being critical or making too many demands and our dc's will miss out due to us trying to get the balance.

But I now have permission to demand from the start and be as much of a PITA as I need to because the school have already set the tone. No pretence. No 'we only want the best for your ds'. No 'we're working hard for him' and no 'we want to work in partnership with you' crap.

It's not what I want, obviously, but it doesn't mean no pussyfooting around for a year with declining relations.

[Becaroooo]

star Thats really shit. I'm sorry.

Off to run around today - summer fayre, furntiture shop, estate agents....sigh

[Starchart]

Well our news is that we attended the County training for the parents and school to learn about ASD and talk about the child and how we are going to work together.

DS' new school didn't show. No apologies.

It was also DS' last day at nursery (we're taking him out a couple of weeks early) so an emotional and frustrating day.

[EllenJaneisnotmyname]

I'm back! Has everyone gone to bed? Hallooo, anyone there? No? Goodnight then.

[FickleFreckle]

goodnight everyone, have sweet dreams...we'll rise in the morning ready to fight another day! Thanks for the moral support, feeling better now :)

[FickleFreckle]

moosemama how horrible and frustrating to have something that was once a strength become a battle.

I do not have serious health problems but the chronic fatigue syndrome I once suffered from is rearing its head and I can get very fuzzy and even have difficulty speaking and typing and feel fluey, shivery, spacey, nauseous and so on. The symptoms are usually ones I can battle through as they are relatively mild (and nothing compared to what other people on Mumsnet have to deal with) but I am ever wary of the possibility of a complete relapse. Other days I can be energetic and my mind is clear (it was in the meetings thank goodness). But it really is unpredictable and I do think this undermines my confidence when it comes to taking on battles. I think keeping things on the computer is the way to go as paperwork tends to get lost and when very tired I have difficulty reading my own writing

creatovator have you been waiting 2 years for money you are entitled to?? I can't believe it! But I can imagine a social worker would be a great help. I actually would like support but am just a bit wary because I have had so much "help" that wasn't really, IYSWIM when I suffered from PND. I just felt as if the school were actually using it to undermine my credibility -and I hadn't told the headmistress of my difficulties either, only the class teacher!

I think going through all these battles teaches us to believe in ourselves as well as our dcs doesn't it? It's forcing me outside of my comfort zone bigtime.

moosemama I do hope you get a break. You do deserve one! If you feel guilty, which you shouldn't, think of it as...a sort of tactical retreat. You'll be stronger after. :)

[TheNinjaGooseIsOnAMission]

night all, have a good weekend

[TheNinjaGooseIsOnAMission]

they're trying to cut pp here as well, tis crap as they are the ones that don't spout the lea party line and tell you the truth.

go moose good on you for doing that. It's our dcs that are important here and we're only trying to get what they are legally entitled to so they can access an education, I find it hard to understand the attitude of some professionals that can watch a child struggle and do nothing. That said there are some really good people out there that go out of their way to help, not everyone is obstructive.

[creatovator]

Signing off now as I have a girl's day out tomorrow with Mum and sister. Hope everyone has a good week, lose lots of calories, get lots of success for dcs and generally have time for some fun stuff .

[moosemama]

Right folks, I have to go to bed. Thought I would be in bed for 9.00 tonight, so I've done remarkably well.

Hope you all have good weekends.

Night

[moosemama]

I think you are right about them thinking you don't know your place. Not in all schools, or all professionals, but it does seem to be very common.

I am still petrified of going for a statement, even though it is happening and I have stood up to both the school and inclusion team to say I want to submit the request myself. Fortunately it worked out well, the new SENCO is great and we have agreed to work as a team (head of inclusion support/SENCO/me) to try and produce a watertight application for SA.

Doesn't help that I bolshily snapped at the last SENCO in front of everyone that I didn't care if she said ds wouldn't get a statement, I would apply anyway and take it to tribunal if necessary. I honestly don't know what came over me, think I was finally tipped over the edge by her attitude and continuous rolling out the LEA party line.

[FickleFreckle]

ninja, that is comforting to know...PP seem very helpful but are rushed off their feet - all four of them! - I know this sounds like something out of Terry Pratchett but actually it's just because the council in their wisdom have cut the staff to 2 people. Including admin.

[creatovator]

Fickle - thanks for the explanation. Things seem to work differently in Scotland and we have different terms for everything.

Regarding support, I used to feel threatened when the school mentioned it, but I asked for an assessment for DS and got a social worker. This was a great support for a while, though 2 years on we're still waiting for Direct Payments .

Can understand you feeling small with school doing what they did and they know the system well. You're not small though - you've got far more power than you think in terms of legislation. Have you thought of an advocate as well?

[moosemama]

Negative calories - now I like that idea!

I totally understand the intimidation and loss of confidence with it all. I'm only just getting past that stage and still have regular wobbles. I actually used to be really good at admin and organisation, but now have cognitive problems which mean I'm brutally aware that I no longer have those skills. I have to wait for a good day to sort paperwork and files etc and find it easier to keep everything on the computer than deal with actual physical paperwork.

I spend much of my time bemused too, the SEN system is such a huge animal and seems to almost have a life of its own that consumes you if you don't fight it and make sure you maintain some degree of balance in your life.

I've decided to calm down on it all over the summer and gear up again a couple of weeks before we go back. I've seriously had enough at this point and am desperate for a break. I was just thinking today that I can't remember the last time I was without at least one dc - I think it was when dd was 5 months old and we went out for the night - she's two and a half now!

[FickleFreckle]

moosemama I agree the system pits parents and professionals against each other, there is so little flexibility and so little funding. I was horrified to find out how little School Action+ actually entitles you to.

In addition to the crap system I do find - not just in this instance - that there are certain expectations of "mums" - when you do learn the jargon, do research, try to come up with ideas and so on it almost seems to wind people up more - as if you don't know your place. Or am I just paranoid?

I feel encouraged re: statement now. But I can admit here (after trying to stay calm and collected) that I am really petrified of doing it. Still, I felt that way about filling out the child tax credit forms and I managed to get over that one, which is just as well as we'd be bankrupt by now otherwise!

[TheNinjaGooseIsOnAMission]

fickle, if parent partnership are any good where you are they may well advise on the paperwork you need and there's always plenty of advice here should you decide that's what you want to do.