Appointment with Headteacher

[geeandfeesmum]

Hi,

We have had a rather busy and quite emotional week. We had a difficult trip to Centerparcs with DD (ASD). The day after we got back we had a tour around the school her and DS (NT) will be starting at in September. They are both in the same year (birthdays 11 months apart!!). This was a complete disaster. We went into the room where they were doing the talk and DD flipped. DH had to take her out of the room because she was so loud. When he took her out, she attracted quite a crowd of teachers etc. She bit a learning advisor, ran into the office and grabbed the scissors and eventually had to be taken outside to the play area where she continued to run off. The headmaster saw most of this as well.

2 days later we had a multi agency meeting, during which she was diagnosed with Autism. This wasn?t any great surprise but I think with everything else this week, things have really come to a head and try as I might denial is not an option anymore.

So on Friday, I received a letter from the head of the school saying that in light of our recent visit and a visit from the Early Years Support Teacher, we need to arrange a meeting with him to discuss DD?s special needs (which were at that point undiagnosed).

I called him today. He was quite abrupt. He said that we need to arrange a meeting. I explained when I was free and he said ?Good because we have a lot to talk about.? He asked if DH would be there. I explained that DH would be at work. He seemed unhappy about this but said ?Well, we will have this initial meeting and take it from there.?

I was wondering of anyone could give me some advice as to how to prepare for this meeting. Are there any things I should be asking in particular? I keep thinking he will just say that they can?t cope with her there. The Statutory Assessment process was put underway on the same day as she was diagnosed. So, her Statement will not be sorted until January at the earliest.

She will need full 1 to 1 support, including at lunchtimes. It has been suggested that she start part time to begin with, which I think might be best for her.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[Starchart]

Right, before you do ANYTHING else, put everything you have said here in writing to the HT as a summary of what he said 'for clarification'.

You have a witness remember.

This is leverage for getting what you want. It might not be at that school, but what he is saying is that his or MS is not suitable for your child.

This kind of evidence is extremely good bargaining power, not with him, but with the LA in future and good tribunal evidence too.

[BrigitBigKnickers]

Good God in heaven- run- run like the wind.

What an unbelievably unprofessional, awful head teacher.

his school is a 50% school dinners school and most parents don?t work and that he wouldn?t send his children there!!

Words fail me- headteachers should be positive and proud of their school- it sounds like he doesn't like it much there I wonder what sort of a relationship he has with other parents in the school and his staff for that matter with an attitude like that.

It sounds like the Autism Unit might be a good place- shame it's so far away. I would however urge you to look at other mainstream schools- some are far better at dealing with SN than others and you might find one closer to home who will embrace your DDs difficulties.

Good luck.

[geeandfeesmum]

Exactly!! And what relevance is the number of students on free school meals to whether they are able to provide an education to a child with special educational needs. I think he was trying to pull everything he could out of the bag to convince me to take her elsewhere!!

I?m glad you suggested another mainstream school as well. The way he made it sound was that most mainstream schools would feel the same way he did about her.

[IndigoBell]

What does your nursery say? They will know if she can cope with MS or not.

No other school will behave like him. He is absolutely out of order.

Obv you could complain about him and make a fuss - but right now I suggest you put all of your energies into finding schools for your kids instead.

[EllenJaneisnotmyname]

Mainstream schools can be very different. My DS's school was really reluctant to have him initially, and had a very open playground that they weren't keen on improving. He did succeed there, but mainly because he wasn't a runner or that aggressive. The school I work in is much more inclusive and welcoming to DC with SEN. Look at some schools, meet the SENCos, your gut feeling will often be correct.

Once your DD has a statement it should be easier to get her a school place. In the meantime, she is very young, and could easily start reception somewhere much nicer next year, so long as her statement recommends it. That will mean she'll go to the top of any admission criteria.

[geeandfeesmum]

Thanks for all the great advice. As usual you have helped me figure out my next step. The preschool had a call from the head to arrange for the teacher to visit DD in the setting. He told them he had had a very positive meeting with me!! I said that he probably means because he thinks he managed to talk me out of sending her there.

I think what we have decided is to keep her in her current preschool setting for the time being. We are going to ring around some other schools to see if they could squeeze in a visit before the end of term. We are then going to find out who we need to ask about getting DS moved to that school but I'm not sure if it will be possible. Then we are going to see if DD can attend a preschool tat the school as well as her current setting so she can get used to the school grounds. Then when her statement eventually comes through we can phase her into a class. I'm not sure whether that would be allowed, whether she would be expected to start in year 1 rather than F2, whether any of this is possible even but right now it looks and sounds net to us. So we shall see. I really didn't like the current school placement before I met the head so I just really want them both out of there now I know his feelings on the subject.

[EllenJaneisnotmyname]

Talk to the EY lady about it, she'll have experience and Parent Partnership. Your DD doesn't have to start school until Easter even without SN, and with a statement you can get them to specify what is an appropriate start date. Good luck, your DD will be fine!

[mariamagdalena]

Do not send her there. BUT.... do not withdraw her from her allocated place until you have evidence to help you in your quest for a really great plan B. If he is telling the truth about her additional help coming from his overall budget, this will be the case for all the other mainstream schools roundabout. And so the same pot luck for TAs etc.

She needs a statement, which will name a school. Which you can choose. And then you can take advantage of the sibling preference rules (crossing fingers you have them in your area) to get your ds into the same school. And if she tries the new, better school and you find that even with help it can't meet her needs effectively, your ds's place there would be unaffected.

This head / his governors can write now to say they don't want her. Listen to star, this is all evidence. Or you could keep the place even if you have no intention of sending her there and at the last minute, if nothing better has turned up and the statement is still not ready, you can 'decide' to defer her start date until she is of statutory school age.

Worst case, you could send her every morning at 9am for a few weeks and wait round the corner till they call you to pick her up at 9.15 (and remember, that's a temporary exclusion). The LA would soon arrange a 'managed move' to the school you prefer. Then sibling preference for ds and bob's your uncle.

[mariamagdalena]

And special school usually welcome a visit even for children without a statement (providing they do have significant SEN, obviously ). My impression is they are justifiably proud of what they provide for their pupils, and often encourage parents to persist in requesting statements if they feel a child would benefit from accessing their provision.

[geeandfeesmum]

Thanks for the advice once again. I ended up taking the afternoon off work to try and sort things out but didn't get very far. I left a message with Parent Partnership to call me. I rang the school that I think might work for both of them (locally). They have said I can visit the school for a tour next week but that they have no spaces available. I rang the local council who dlwerent really any help at all other than sending a form in the poet so that I can get them on the waiting list for that school. I mean I don't know why it's so difficult to move when he has said he doesn't want her there.

The EP said last week at the diagnostic meeting that she would start the statutory assessment process at that point so we are only right at the beginning of the statementing process.

I really am not sure what our best next move is now. The woman at the council was completely unhelpful but I don't think she could hear me particularly well. Her understanding wasn great either and I think she thought I didn't want DD to go to that school otherwise I can't understand why she wasn't more supportive or helpful even if it was just words.

I guess in my naivety I thougt that this was pretty awful and that someone that could help would attempt to.

Thank goodness for all of the help from you guys otherwise I really wouldn't have a clue.

[IndigoBell]

If you haven't received something from the LEA then the statement request has not been submitted.

Submit it yourself. Today. So that at least that's done.

Also find out from the LEA. Which schools do have places.

And put both kids on the waiting list for all the schools you can get to.

It's not simple because the HT is acting illegally. He can't not accept her. So there is no procedure for anyone to follow to get her into a different school.

Maria is right. Don't withdraw them from this school until you have another one.

[geeandfeesmum]

Yesterday the head sent his senco and the class teacher to the preschool to see how DD copes in a setting. Unfortunately DD was asleep for most of the visit. She woke up for the last 15 minutes. She was pretty good but did try to sneak out the door to the corridor and climbed up onto a table. Apparently they were quite rude and from the things they were saying it's like they have never been in contact with children never mind SN children in their lives!!

DH and I have another meeting with the head tomorrow to discuss things. We also have a visit to walk around another school that has 1 space left so might be ok for DS (NT).

We are currently planning on keeping DD in preschool at least until she has her statement. Her EYS said that although she can't say for certain she is pretty sure we will have no problem getting a full statement considering her complex needs, although whether that will be the case in practice I don't know.

The problem with this would be that next year DD would have to go straight into Y1. It is generally felt that she will not cope with this in mainstream so it looks like special school will be a better choice.

I'm still not sure how I feel about this. I mean seeing how she is now I can't see her coping with mainstream anyway but I didn't see her coping with preschool either.

I don't really know where she is in terms of severity. On the one hand from what people are saying she seems fairly severe. On the other hand to us she is just DD and we have no other autistic children to compare her to.

If we go for the deferral then special school option am I giving her the best chance or would it bebetter to let her try her hand at mainstream in a sink or swim scenario? Who knows?!?!?

[IndigoBell]

Great news about a diff school for DS.

You wouldn't necessarily have to start in Y1 if you kept DD in nursery for a year - sometimes they will let children (esp statemented children) stay back a year. It depends on your LEA.

All SS are diff the same as all MS ones are diff. You would need to look round all possible schools and decide which one would suit DD best. There may be a lovely SS near you - or the only one you could get her into might be absolutely wrong for her.

This is not about how 'severe' DD is. This is about in which school she will make the most academic and social progress, and be happiest in.

[geeandfeesmum]

Zzzzz are you sure it's not the same school with the same so called head. He sounds very similar lol!!

[Agnesdipesto]

gee I think look at the special school, places in SS are very fluid - if SS think she will be ok in mainstream they will move her on. So it might be she does 1-2 years in special and then moves gradually to m/s. Special school does not have to be forever. Our plan was SS for foundation stage with expected move at Year 1, but we got refused SS place.

[geeandfeesmum]

Just back from a much more positive meeting with head probably as a result of us telling him DD will be deferred for a year. He is happy to put his thoughts regarding the schools unsuitability for her to help with statementing etc. So at least we are all on the same page now.