Perm Exclusion, no EHCP yet, SEMH needs, HELP

[TalkMeDownPrettyPlease]

Hi, this is long, and I'm beside myself, so I'll apologise now.

DS is 6, year 1, mainstream primary. His Dad was granted shared care Jan 23. He's my exH following DV. DS started to struggle with behaviour by June 23. Terrible summer, in Sept 23 he went into year 1 and very quickly became deeply disregulated, I collected early numerous times, he then disclosed to me, trusted teacher and a social worker physical and emotional abuse at the hands of his Dad
I immediately exercised my PR and stopped contact. We have an ongoing child in need plan but the support is non-existent, just a never ending circle of pass the parcel between services. DS always someone else's problem.

DS suffered what I can only describe as a violent breakdown at the end of Sept. School has been very part time since October 23. Out of the class room, no demands, 1 to 1 TA. Home life is exhausting and difficult, I've not been able to work at all.

EHCP process has started, early days, have an Ed Psych report. ECNA?

During this time DS had 7 exclusions. He wants to be at school, goes happily, but clearly can't manage once there. It's been torture. Last week he had a prolonged and violent disregulation at school hurting me and a teacher. The Head has now permanently excluded him.

I am doing everything I can to get him some support and therapy but our social worker has been appalling, she says it's just bad behaviour and I need to stablise him. I've complained. The only support we've had is from the Deputy Head at school. This has now been cut off abruptly.

I've emailed SENDIASS, our EHCP caseworker, escalated to our Social Worker manger. We have a CIN meeting next week, I've invited Ed Psych and CAHMS to speak up for DS, both say DS needs therapeutic support because of trauma.

What more can I do? How can I get him therapeutic help?

How do I even consider finding another setting for him in this state? Can I look at specialist without a final EHCP?

I just heartbroken for him for all of this. I battled since 2020 to get him safe and settled and he was until he was went back to his Dad. I feel absolutely bereft and don't know what to do.

This sounds mega difficult - I'm sorry.

If the deputy head was helpful, I think a meeting with him/her might be useful. They may be able to point you towards a PRU or other alternative provision where your son could get more support. There is a thread running on here at the moment where the poster's son has been excluded and there's a lot of information on there about the processes the school should have followed. You could check if yours did.

Regarding trauma support, probably best to accept CAAMHS won't or can't help, or it'd be too little too late. Charities might be the best bet. The kind a refuge would know about perhaps? Place2Be is one and Red Balloon. You can also Google "your local authority name" plus "local offer" for leads.

EHCP support thread no. 2 - www.mumsnet.com/talk/special_educational_needs/4989146-ehcp-support-thread-no-2

Thank you @Phineyj I will have a look through that thread.

We did access play therapy in 2022 but exH stopped it as he was aggrieved it was from a DV charity and he's always denied any DV.

I'm sure school have not followed process, I don't have any paperwork pertaining to the part time timetable or reintegration plan. It was acknowledged the supportive Deputy Head was 'bending the rules' in am effort to help DS keep his place as there is no suitable alternative for him currently, but as she provided a 1 to 1, quiet room and liaised with the Ed Psych constantly I didn't question it.

On top of all the concerns I have for DS I'm also terrified of navigating this with exH in the background. He's no understanding or acceptance of DS and his struggles at all, refuses to participate in CIN plan properly, do the work suggested but will happily veto any decision for DS to 'prove' he has PR.

I just feel sick.

It sounds like the deputy head was actually breaking the rules not bending them tbh. However nice she was, meeting SEN is a requirement not a nice to have and there are procedures to follow around exclusions.

There will be a PRU or AP in your area. Deputy head may not have been very experienced. Poster @searchingforsolitude often has great tips re AP.

Be careful with SENDIASS. Some are good but too many repeat the LA’s unlawful policies. If you haven’t already looked at them, it is worth looking at IPSEA and SOSSEN’s websites. For the PEX, contact The School Exclusion Project. They can help. Also, read the suspension and exclusion guidance.

If DS has not been attending school full time for months, is alternative provision in place?

If you collected DS early because the school requested you collect/sent DS home to calm down or cool off, they were unlawfully, informally excluding DS. The part time timetable should not be used to manage behaviour and should be short term aimed at reintegration - after which DC should be in school full time or alternative provision provided as well as part time school or instead of school at all.

A special school place is unlikely without a finalised EHCP. Alternative provision or PRU (look carefully, some are good, some are horrendous and not not therapeutic at all) is possible.

Is the LA sticking to the EHCP timescales? Has advice been sought from OT, SALT and a MH professional (I know there is CAMHS involvement but has advice for the EHCNA been sought) as part of the EHCNA?

The EHCP is the route to guarantee specific therapeutic support. In the meantime, push CAMHS and social care - both have access to support (although not to the same extent as what an EHCP can secure), but both will try to pass the buck and fob you off.

Do you already receive DLA for DS? And are you claiming all the benefits you are entitled to? If DS’s part time timetables has meant he is missing lunch, are you receiving other provision for FSM?
Has DS had a home OT assessment to look at making the house safer for DS and better meet his needs?
Social care - is DS under the children with disabilities team? Have you had a carer's assessment? Are you receiving any respite?

Thanks @Headfirstintothewild , no word from SENDIASS yet so I will check out IPSEA as have details for them too.

There has been no AP at all for DS. We found a suitable option within the local offer but LA said they wouldn't pay until EHCP was finalised. Children's Services said they would pay then reneged on that, and here we are. I'd hoped he could spend some time in the AP to rest and reset and avoid perm ex.

I've contacted the exclusions team at the LA today, they were aware of DS, I've given them our background and asked for the AP to be the setting we'd requested initially. It's therapeutic and mostly out door farm type, it's perfect for DS, he just can't tolerate traditional school at the moment.

EHCP is all on track but I can't get hold of the case worker. DLA application went in at the start of March, 20 week turnover, then hopefully if successful I can apply for carer's too. I've been on paid leave from work until now but it's run out, I've advice UC as was getting a small top up from them. I've not been getting any alternative to FSM but it's on the list to ask.

Our Social worker from the CIN plan hasn't bothered to make contact at all, I'd raised a complaint at the end of Feb, I've been emailing her Manager but she's not fussed either, it's just a bloody white wash. A paper exercise.

I opened our parenting app today too. ExH has continued to send me all the exclusion letters from school. It's thinly veiled harassment, its not like I dont knpw, I asked him to stop before Christmas, he's already had one non molestation but sadly that ran out some time ago. He's let me know that all this is my fault as 'happened on your watch'. Nothing to do with DS reporting strangulation and locking in the boot of his car on his watch.

The head mistress turned up with a pack of work today. I had to ask for it to be delivered as per her email, as school asked me to go and fetch it. I pointed out that I'd have to take DS with me and I'd been told he shouldn't be out in public anyhow 🤦🏼‍♀️

How do I go about approaching the disabilities team? I think it'd be really helpful, I've asked and asked for SEN groups and respite from our CIN social worker and she just ignores me. DS currently presents as ADHD and PDA, I had to stop all his group activities before Christmas as he could no longer cope. I'm going up the wall and so is he. He needs a full day of physical work or his behaviour is hard to manage.

I've taken him out for an illegal walk this afternoon and we both feel much better for some air and mud stomping.

For provision under s.19 of the Education Act 1996, IPSEA has a model letter you can use. This does not require an EHCP. If the LA refuse, email the Director of Children’s Services threatening Judicial Review. Then, if that doesn’t work, contact SOSSEN for help with a pre-action letter.

For FSM, Contact has a model letter you can use.

Contact also has model letters to request the right social care assessments. A carer’s assessment for you and an assessment under s17 for DS - which you can push to be undertaken by the children with disabilities team. If you have to appeal the EHCP at any point you can also appeal social care provision.

This sounds really hard OP.

Has DS been assessed for autism and ADHD or is he on the waiting list? With a diagnosis it is possible there may be psychology services attached to a neurodevelopmental team (standalone or part of CAMHS - it varies from area to area). You need specialist support that can cover both neurodevelopmental and trauma-informed bases, and given your child is traumatised following the experience of DV, his needs should be being proritised.

I'm sure you are doing this, but I'd use the CIN meetings as a platform to make concrete support demands on local services to meet DS's needs: can the team expedite any outstanding assessments, can they expetite access to specialist mental health support in recognition that his current distress has led to his exclusion, can they expedite access to your preferred alternative provision etc etc. Be as specific as possible, get this minuted every time, and chase up via email between meetings.

If ex-partner is derailing the CIN meetings/plan, and his presence is intimidating you, ask the SW not to include him in future meetings given the DV history.

Good luck.xx

The CIN plan will be the outcome of a S17 assessment.

I know, but it doesn’t sound like it has been conducted correctly or by the CwD team and DS’s circumstances have now changed. Hence me suggesting requesting a new assessment by someone more appropriate. Which will then hopefully be more comprehensive and thus lead to a more appropriate outcome. A reassessment in these situations is requested in the same way as requesting an assessment for the first time.

Thank you @Headfirstintothewild and @Irisginger

I am going to try and call IPSEA tomorrow for advice. Reading more about exclusions and SEN I feel DS may have been unlawfully excluded. He's had 7 fixed term exclusions and now a permanent exclusion since October 23, each time he's had a dysregulation that has come to the attention of the headmistress basically. Everyone involved is aware he has been the centre a CIN plan since the end of our S17 assessment in December.

His EHCP assessment was started in January. I don't want all this on his permanent record, he's only 6. He sailed through preschool Reception with no special support or attention.

I feel awful, I asked everytime he was excluded, what now? Whay help does this trigger? and apart from the EHCP there was nothing. Clearly the efforts of the school to keep him there, although well meant, have lead to his unmet needs, and resulted in escalation in his violent dysregulations. I wish I'd taken him out before this stage but the social worker was very vocal thay she thought it was 'just behavioural', LA wouldn't provided any AP and most of all I didn't want to put a foot wrong and give exH more ammunition for when he drags me back to court. DS has shown improvement along the way too, in his least full week he joined in assembly and spent some time in hos class happily.

I will look up the model letters for a social care assessment from the disability team. I asked our family support worker about that today, she said she'd ask, but it was almost impossible to secure unless the child was completely and profoundly disabled.

We have a CIN meeting on Thursday. I've got the supportive Deputy Head, Ed Psych and social worker from CAHMS attending and I understand it is being chaired by a more senior SW. Luckily they've always held separate meetings for me and exH.

I have found out that in order to appeal the permanent exclusion I will have to attend a meeting with the governors and exH as they won't hold them separately. I want to ask them remove the exclusions from hos record, then seek AP from the LA while the EHCP is finalised before I look at a SEMH school for him. Wishful thinking I should guess, but I have to try for him.

As well as IPSEA, contact The School Exclusion Project. They can help you.

The LA must provide alternative provision. If they refuse remind them of their statutory duties and inform them if they fail to comply you will be forced to pursue judicial review proceedings. If that doesn’t work, you need a pre-action letter, which SOSSEN can help with.

she said she'd ask, but it was almost impossible to secure unless the child was completely and profoundly disabled.

This is just the support worker fobbing you off or social care fobbing her off. Profound disability is not essential for involvement from the CwD team. If you appeal the EHCP at any point you can request social care needs and provision are looked at.

You can request the governor meeting is held remotely so you don’t have to be in the same place as ex. You also don’t have to attend. Instead you could make all your representations in written format. You can also request the IRP is held remotely

I'm glad you've got some supportive people at the next CIN meeting. Stating the obvious, but if you are looking for particular outcomes, do send emails explaining the outcome you are seeking, and testing the views o professionals who have been sympathetic before the meeting. If CAMHS etc are supportive of what you think your child will need, and they know in advance, you may find they are able to advocate for this during the meeting, so you are not having to make the argument on your own.