Navigating life in a PRU

[Whysomanyfoxes]

DC is year 2 and recently started full time at a PRU following a very near permanent exclusion from mainstream primary. The teachers and staff there are wonderful and the setting is small and beautifully kept with few children. DC is supported and encouraged but has had a few meltdowns and incidents similar to those in their mainstream setting.

The full time placement at the PRU is to give DC and mainstream a bit of a breather from the hot house that school had become. DC is dual-registered and we are awaiting EHCNA assessments.

I know that for now they are in the best place because if the behaviour carried on in mainstream school they would be px’d and we’d be in even more of a pickle than we find ourselves in. And I also trust the staff and know that they will help us (hopefully when agreed) with the EHCP and finding an alternative setting for DC.

DC had a torrid time in mainstream, with very little support and I was constantly made to feel bad and judged by staff - that DC was just bad, just made bad choices and was not welcome in the school. I’m also paranoid about phone calls from school, which had become almost daily in mainstream and quite frankly made me very anxious.

After my DCs meltdowns recently at the PRU, we were treated with kindness and compassion by staff there which was so welcome. Despite this I’m struggling to get out of the mindset that I was in at mainstream - a feeling of helplessness and frustration at the whole situation and I can’t help but remember some of the things that were said to us and ways we were treated by school. I also am worried that some of DC’s behaviours (and language) is new and as a result of the placement and I hope it’s not replacing one set of challenges for what could be a new set.

Are all these mixed feelings normal? Does anyone have any good news, happy stories about life after a PRU placement? I know they are getting brilliant support there, but there are just so many unknowns and it all feels in the lap of the LA. Thanks!

[Relaxinghammock]

The uncertainty is really difficult to accept. Your feelings are normal. It is a bit like a trauma response, and the stress of MS will take time to recover from. Make sure the LA stick to the EHCP timescales.

[24Dogcuddler]

Hi I’d ask for a meeting at the PRU to explain how you are feeling. None of it will be news for them at all and hopefully they can reassure you.

DC may naturally pick up on the behaviour of others. Often children who have had a difficult time in MS will try to push the boundaries. Staff in specialist settings are not easily shocked and may be using planned ignoring as one strategy.
DC may also be used to a pattern of throw something/ meltdown and miss a lesson or phone call to Mum.

Remember a child from special school who had a really difficult time in MS who had a meltdown then said to the deputy “ I’ve thrown a chair, now you phone my Mum”
When she said “ I’m not phoning your Mum, just waiting until you are calm “ he literally didn’t know what to do.
That was Y5 and he went back into MS in Y7.
Lots of help and support inbetween of course.

Speak to them you will feel better even if just a phone call.

[Whysomanyfoxes]

Thanks @24Dogcuddler yes I will speak with them. They’ve given me some really helpful books and they are very kind. DC has been through a lot of change so it’s understandable that this is reflected in their behaviour.

[TalkMeDownPrettyPlease]

Hello @Whysomanyfoxes , can I ask how you DC, and you, are getting on now?

I'm in the simialr situation with DS except he's been permanently excluded from his MS last week. I need to start navigating our next steps and have all the feelings you have had.

[Whysomanyfoxes]

Hi @TalkMeDownPrettyPlease . I’m sorry for the situation you’re in and that you’re feeling that way, I can completely relate. It’s just the pits.

We have worked really closely with the LA and have had some good advice. Our child was awarded an EHCP first time round, and our first choice of school was agreed. They are now in an independent specialist setting which is marvellous. Our placement in an independent specialist school was helped by the fact that our child doesn't have an ASD diagnosis but needed a SEMH provision. The LA told me clearly that if they had a diagnosis they would have been sent to a mainstream school with an ASD base 😬

my anxiety levels have taken a long time to come down. I’ve had lots of counselling (Scope offer mentoring which was brilliant) and the new school is very kind to both my child and us as parents which has made a huge difference.

You will get there and your child will find their happy place and tribe of friends in a new school. You’ll meet parents of children and built up a new set of contacts and friends. It takes time but it does come. Good luck! PM me if you want to chat more. Don’t feel that you’re alone - you’re not. X