Using the Ferber Method when the sleep isn't THAT bad? Advice?

[Sevendayhigher]

Hi everyone,

I'd really appreciate any advice! Our baby is four months and a week, and his sleep isn't that bad - he naps pretty well in the day (although usually fusses a bit before he goes down for his naps if we're at home) and falls asleep fairly easily at night too - although often we go back into his room a second time before he falls asleep because he's fussing.

The main issue is that he uses a dummy, and I'm quite keen on breaking the habit. He doesn't use a dummy every single time he goes to sleep but most times, and we have to hold it in until he settles because he pushes it out instantly unless we do. If we don't hold the dummy in, he usually starts crying hard. When he naps in his pram he doesn't need a dummy, but when he's just at home napping or falling asleep at night in his moses basket he does need that dummy held in for him until he settles enough to go to sleep. Sometimes after that he'll fall asleep by himself. Also, we've dropped one of the feeds in the night now and most of the time, he'll fuss a little bit, meaning I have to give him the dummy again and hold it in, otherwise he'll wake up fully and start crying. He settles quite quickly with the dummy in but I'm just concerned that I'm creating a bad habit for him and stopping him from learning to self-soothe.

I've been planning to start the Ferber method around now but mainly so that there's no issue in the future with him becoming fully reliant on having a dummy held in for him to go to sleep. But I'm starting to wonder whether it's too extreme for our situation, because his sleep really is fine for his age - the dummy is bothering me not because it's a dummy, which I wouldn't mind at all, but because we're having to hold it in for him and I have to wake up in the night before he does to hold it in for him to settle, which is disruptive to our routine.

I understand the Ferber method is the best thing for those with serious sleep problems because it's about the long-term welfare of everyone involved, but I'm doubtful because our situation doesn't seem severe enough to warrant this (I appreciate we're lucky). But I do want to nip this in the bud as well!! Any advice would be really welcome. Thank you!

[Yourethebeerthief]

I don't know what the Ferber method is or what it involves, but I'm all for sleep training when needed.

But "sleep training" is a wide umbrella. The sleep training we did (not "cry it out") with my son, I wouldn't do at 4 months. It's much too young.

If by sleep training you mean teach him to sleep without a dummy, then take the dummy away and work on soothing him in other ways. He's too young to self soothe in my opinion. At this age you're building the foundations for him self-soothing in the future: solid routines, familiar sleep cues, comforters etc.

I would decide what you want to do about the dummy and go from there. Perhaps he pushes it out because the shape doesn't suit him. You could try some others and see if he keeps any in by himself. If he likes the dummy you can fill his cot with 10-15 of them. They eventually figure out how to reach for one and put it back in themselves (bear in mind he's still really young for this, we're talking more like 6 months plus to be able to search for and grab a dummy by themselves). If he is showing a need to suck to soothe do remember that if you take the dummy away he might find his thumb which will be impossible to remove down the line. Some children (like myself!) keep up the thumb sucking into the primary school years.

If you want to ditch the dummy then do that and focus on routine, sleepy cues and maybe introduce another comforter like a blanket or soft toy. He might not take to it now but just keep it as part of his routine solely linked to sleep, and he will eventually.

Our routine was: bath with lavender, dried and in jammies, dummy, bedtime story, music box with soft lullabies (the same ones every night) to fall asleep to, and a favourite teddy. Then, at that age, breastfeed to sleep. We have the same routine now that he's a toddler except we don't do bath every night anymore and he stopped breastfeeding around age 2.

We sleep trained twice: night weaned before one year old, then sleep trained around 15 months when there was a bit of a regression and he was waking more and more in the night. It was only after sleep training for a second time at 15 months that he learnt how to "self-soothe", i.e we would hear him wake in the night and, where he would have previously cried for us to come and soothe him to sleep again (even if it was just a brief pat and find the dummy for him), he now would shuffle about briefly, find and dummy and drift back off himself.

[Swoopy]

Your son’s sleep is fine.

Ferber isn't recommended before 6 months- before that babies aren’t developmentally ready for the kind of self soothing it’s supposed to encourage. I would honestly just leave things as they are- let sleeping babies lie- and work on the dummy when he’s a bit older. Personally I would not use a method like Ferber but appreciate that’s an individual decision.

[GreyhoundGal1]

I would recommend reading precious little sleep, it's a super helpful book. Our daughter slept with the dummy and started sleeping through the night at 9 weeks, but as she got older she was increasingly waking up to get the dummy put back in and it just got worse and worse as it was a big sleep association. Her sleep is now much better having learnt to sleep without it, and she seems much happier in the day too. There are methods other than cry it out you can try (like you put the dummy in before bed and remove it when they're drowsy but not asleep, and slowly increase the time between dummy and sleep to remove the association) so probably worth reading up on them and trying to see what works for your baby.

[InTheRainOnATrain]

6 months and they can replace their own dummy, so I think if you hang in there for 6 weeks and then chuck 10 in the cot you’ll hopefully sleep sorted without really doing anything.

However, if you want to sleep train then you can start now. It’s commonly said in the UK that baby needs to be 6 months but IDK if there’s any evidence to support that as US paediatricians including Ferber himself typically say you can start at 4 months.

My DS2 was a lot like this though and we just waited it out with some guidance on getting him to do the dummy (placing it in his hand, guiding his hand to his mouth, attaching it to one of those animal thingys so less likely to fall out). At 6 months he cracked it and didn’t give us any trouble at night until he learned to climb out of the cot but that’s a whole other saga…