What fresh hell is this

[Rooandtwo]

If you’re here to say sleep train please move on.

my 11 month old had finally very very recently started to do longer stretches again. Nothing amazing just 4 hours say. And it gave me hope. She did this for a week and now (after a couple days with a fever and no other symptoms) suddenly we have renewed hourly waking and when she wakes she cannot be soothed unless I breast feed her, and I cannot do this every time as it is making me want to throw myself out the window. The fever is now gone to be clear and she’s no other symptoms of sickness. She is fine in the day when awake.

when she wakes up if I go to cuddle her she arches and writhes on me screaming endlessly. What the f is this?? Is she is pain??? Why can she no longer be comforted by a hug? Why the screaming? Sleep has been so bad for so long on the whole I buy that everything is a phase but the fact that cosleeping and constantly being available to her from 7 in the evening (she has done a false start for months now - we’ve tried EVERYTHING in relation to that and nothing has worked so given up there) is no longer enough is just hopeless. I am at my actual wits end. She’s just woken from a nap and done the same, crying writhing? Can someone please just tell me if this is another regression/leap or if I need to call a doctor.

[LegoDeathTrap]

Illness does this, it takes more than a week to go back.

But seriously, if an 11 mo old wakes up every hour, sleep train.

[RainbowZebraWarrior]

I think (if I've got this right) that if she's had a couple of days of fever, she's probably still out of sorts and may be wanting the breast for comfort.

Babies arch and writhe for lots of reasons. Discomfort, tiredness etc.

Have you tried breastfeeding when she's like this (not to say that you need to do this every time - especially if it makes you want to throw yourself out of a window - but to see if it is the thing she wants rather than a hug)

I hope that makes sense.

Sending positive thoughts your way, as I know how difficult it is.

[Rooandtwo]

Thank you so much for replies. She always calms with a feed but I guess I’m struggling with that touched out feeling. It’s just so exhausting at this point and if I have to sit up and feed her every time then I get much less sleep than when I can settle her without really moving much. She is in sidecar cot. Plus she is crying as soon as she wakes which is much more stressful to wake to than moans or how she normally cries.

It’s just so strange that she is completely fine in the day and then at night wakes up and can’t settle anywhere. I fluctuate between believing it will pass (similar behaviour definitely has at other points without us changing anything) and worrying something is really wrong. She also shrieks sometimes in the day for 5 minutes before finally doing a poo 🙄 shrieking with her finger pointed like she’s telling us off, but not crying..so I’ve come to think it would be silly to go to go about that.

[SiberFox]

My 12 month old has just gone through a few days of only sleeping on me - not even next to me, on me, in the night, when she was having fever and for a couple of days after that. She’s back to normal now, co-sleeping and only waking 2-3 times.

I feel for you, she has been waking every hour or more from 3 to 10.5 months and I was on my knees, and then suddenly started improving bit by bit. Just gone 12 months, some nights she sleeps through, others wakes 1-2-3 times. It’s heaven. Have not changes anything and never sleep trained.

i hope it gets better for you soon ❤️

[Rooandtwo]

To clarify if I sit up in to cuddle her she will straighten her legs and writhe then too. She doesn’t seem to be looking for my boob it’s just she will always settle if she can have it.

[Rooandtwo]

@SiberFox Not me printing your comment out to put on the wall and pray our journeys will align. This is exactly what I’ve been dealing with and I would be so delighted with even just 2 wakes a night. The last few days I just really dislike myself I’m so exhausted and irritable. I feel like it has to change soon, but also like there’s nothing we can do if it doesn’t. We don’t want to sleep train, and even when we have thought we might, it’s clear she will just escalate. She’s had times she could settle herself, times when she’s easy to resettle, times before 6 months where she could sleep 8 hours. It just feels so senseless at the moment and I feel like my impatience is making me fail at being the mum I wanted to be.

[FusionChefGeoff]

I'm going for earache. Often much worse at night / when lying down and the sucking would ease the pressure feeling.

Have you tried calpol?

[Rooandtwo]

Yes we have, am I the only one who finds calpol does an impressive amount of absolutely nothing except bring down fevers? It’s never helped even with what was definitely teething. I end up feeling guilty I’ve been giving medication she never needed. That being said I’ve worried about earache as it would be invisible, but I wouldn’t that be made worse by loud noises? Would there be any other symptoms?

[Bobskeleton]

I would definitely say the illness is to thank for the disrupted sleep again. My children have both had phases where they have woken, I've gone to soothe them then they start writhing or pushing away in my arms.... I always sort of took that as them being annoyed that they had woken up and not really wanting me there. This is difficult though as my little girl couldnt self sooth and would also escalate, however my little boy would...

Sleep deprivation is torture. You have all my sympathy. Hopefully once she feels 100% better the sleep will improve again.

I can promise you that you will sleep again.

[Fast800]

@Rooandtwo

Yes we have, am I the only one who finds calpol does an impressive amount of absolutely nothing except bring down fevers? It’s never helped even with what was definitely teething. I end up feeling guilty I’ve been giving medication she never needed. That being said I’ve worried about earache as it would be invisible, but I wouldn’t that be made worse by loud noises? Would there be any other symptoms?

This is why I go straight to nurofen. I get her ears checked to rule out an ear infection.

[pelargoniums]

I was going to say blocked ears too. Does she scream blue murder if you put her on her back for a nappy change? That’s ears. Try baby nurofen. Has she got a water sippy cup? The sucking seems to help, hence the relentless breastfeeding. If you can night wean (which is absolutely OK physiologically at 11 months, though I know it’s harder to do in practice and emotionally), you can share the nights and stop feeling like you want to hurl yourself against a brick wall every night waking because you’re getting a bit of sleep back, and a LOT of bodily autonomy back, which really works wonders. It’s no miracle cure: DS still wakes regularly because of bloody molars but at least now I’m back to keeping my eyes closed and me horizontal and just cuddling. Except of course for illness: but I can take it in turns with DP. Honestly, even if your baby’s sleep doesn’t improve with night weaning yours will, because it’s way less disruptive to you to not have to sit up to feed. (Like you I had to sit up; my children wouldn’t climb aboard the side feeding, don’t-wake-me-help-yourself train. Gits.)

[LittleOwl153]

Did you do baby massage when she was younger? I'm wondering if it's stomach issues - wind or needing to poo etc. she's waking up with. There was a baby massage move around rolling legs to tummy that might help if so.

[NuffSaidSam]

I also thought tummy ache maybe to blame.

Before making a decision on sleep training I'd take a look at the side effects of chronic lack of sleep and factor that in to your decision making.

[NoCloudsAllowed]

What happens if you do nothing? She might be crying out but not fully awake if you see what I mean, if she resists you offering comfort, she might just get through it and go back to sleep.

I co slept with dc1 until 13mo, in hindsight she was often just a bit pissed off with us trying to rock/soothe her, she wanted to yell a bit then go back off. She wasn't asking for intervention, ifyswim.

And gently, sleep training doesn't equal locking your baby up in a tower and throwing away the key. There are many forms and they involve nudging your baby towards the sleep habits you'd like them to have. For example, going for patting rather than feeding/picking up. I wouldn't dismiss it entirely. At 13mo my back was bad and I was exhausted from feeding overnight, a few nights and we all slept better and felt better. Not for everyone but not the devil's work either.

[Rooandtwo]

Sorry I did mean calpol and calprofen. It’s so strange but she has scarcely ever seemed to be helped except after vaccines.

She had a couple of days of refusing to have her nappy changed but it definitely seemed to be associated with having just learnt to crawl and being outraged at having to stay still. Generally she’s ok lying down now and the fuss definitely doesn’t start with being put down, more so when she wakes up between cycles (not every cycle and she definitely has been capable of linking them). She’s also dropping feeds gradually rather than wanting to feed constantly in the day at least. We did reach a point at one stage where she seemed to be feeding more at night than in the day which is another reason I’m trying to push back a bit.

i used to be able to gently turn her on her side or something and she would settle again but suddenly everything is much harder. I’ve tried giving her probiotics in the past in case it helped with her gassiness because she definitely struggled with that a bit early on but maybe I should revisit the possibility of tummy ache as solids are still increasing. I’m so exhausted with problem solving honestly, especially as virtually everything so far has just suddenly changed of its own accord.

[VivaVivaa]

I’m a bit confused. Does she not settle at all overnight or does she settle with a breastfeed?

A million and one things knock off baby sleep and this often manifests as 1-2 hourly wake ups, ie between sleep cycles. It’s not as common as others but we had a hideous 12 month sleep regression that displayed exactly like this. But likewise could be a virus, could be teething, could be developmental, or a mixture.

When she wakes between sleep cycles she doesn’t want to be awake so gets upset. Breastfeeding mother responds and the quickest and easiest way she knows to get back to sleep is a breastfeed. Cuddles and the like do not get her off to sleep because fundamentally babies find comfort in sucking and milk, not being cuddled. They become used to feeds between sleep cycles, which is understandable.

Do you have a partner? What happens if they try and settle between wake ups?

[Rooandtwo]

She will settle with feeds, and until recently often without. I’ve managed to keep it to only 2 night feeds for the last month or so despite her waking around 5 times on average. I have a lovely husband who would do anything to help but she won’t settle for him either at the moment. What you’ve said makes sense @VivaVivaa i just don’t understand why previously she could be gently reassured with a few pats and sushing and now suddenly she seems much more upset and disturbed to be awake.

[Brightandbreezey]

Watching this post with interest!! In a similar situation… my DD has never been a great sleeper either but things did get worse around 10 month mark. I think for us it was always something - teething, coughs/colds, vaccines, learning to walk. I hate to say it but we’re coming up to 14 months and it’s not improved that much. Some nights are better than others, most aren’t great. She does a similar writhing around when being held sometimes. The only guarantee we get is in a sling on those nights.
Can you side feed? That gets me through… at least I can snooze or rest. I get the touched out feeling… generally I’m ok with it but some nights it’s relentless!!
@SiberFox - you’ve given me hope!!!
Good luck @Rooandtwo i hope it gets better soon xx