20 month old does not sleep-HELP

[Sleepydad85]

Hi,my 20month old daughter Sofia has always been a poor sleeper. The current situation is she co-sleeps on a floor mattress with her mum. She goes down fairly easily by laying with her and hand holding. We have a very strict nap schedule and bed time routine. She naps from 12:30- 2:15 (1hour 45mins). Then goes to bed at 7:45. She has a snack and milk before bed, and a magnesium spray massage before stories and her dummy is given. However, she now wakes every 3 hours, often shorter. It takes at least 30mins, up to 3 hours to get her back to sleep by laying with her. She insists on holding our hand during this time while fidgeting non stop. Would any kind of sleep training work here? Any recommendations? How long would it take? We are both willing to take time off work and commit to it, but I guess we’re skeptical it would work. My partner is suffering terribly with sleep deprivation and our mental health and work is affected badly. Totally at our wits end.

[JacquiDaytona]

Posted a very similar thread a few days ago!
My little boy had been generally an alright sleeper but same as you, we lay next to him to get him to sleep and if he woke in the night. About 6 weeks ago he starting waking in the night and could take more than 3 hrs to get back down.
We’ve cracked getting him to sleep in his cot rather than next to us - just persevered with lying him down when he popped up and lots of reassurance and hand on his back. Eventually went to sleep within half an hour the first time and now a few days later, we’re doing this for bedtime and he’s slept much better.

[OnlyFoolsnMothers]

its a habit and you need to break the habit- children cry and fight against change but if you want to change things you have to ride through the wave.
I personally think own room, remove the dummy (in case waking because that falls out) and sleep train where by you come back in every few mins to ssh lay them down and walk out.
What time do they wake up? Do they seem tired? Might be too young to drop the nap but having said that my youngest dropped it at 23 months- if she napped she wouldn’t go down until 9pm or later.

[Sleepydad85]

Last night she woke 10, 12, 3 and 5. Not often super tired. So I don’t think the issue is over tiredness. She seems to need less sleep than average in my untrained opinion.

[InTheRainOnATrain]

It sounds like issue is that she’s falling asleep with someone laying with her, then she’s coming into light sleep which is totally normal, and then waking fully because she’s wondering where you’ve gone. And can’t say I blame her. If you fell asleep all cuddled up with your partner then stirred to realise they’d disappeared without a trace you wouldn’t just shrug it off and go back to sleep, you’d wake up fully and go look for them. So I think you have unrealistic expectations of her!

She needs to fall asleep how she’s going to stay asleep so either embrace the cosleeping or focus on sleep training that has her falling asleep in her bed, on her own. For that you probably want to go back to the cot, unless she’s a climber or you’ve got rid, then put a stairgate on her door. Ferber/controlled crying is likely to be the quickest, typically it’s 3 nights, but not everyone has the appetite for the crying.

[GinnyBee]

We had a rough period like this at around the same age. He’s 22 months now and the split night are pretty much over and he sleeps a lot better on the whole. Still have early mornings and the occasional quick wake up either at 10-11pm or 3-4am but usually sorted in 15 minutes. Lots of other babies from my antenatal group (mine is the oldest as a May baby, the youngest in the group are July) are having similar issues, so I think it’s developmental. There isn’t a difference with babies who go to sleep independently and those who are cuddled, they are all having rough nights.

He goes to sleep with me laying next to him and when he wakes he either wants me next to him to settle back to sleep or I sit next to his bed and hold his hand or stroke his back. I didn’t change anything, it just improved on its own.

[CoSleepingmum]

@InTheRainOnATrain

It sounds like issue is that she’s falling asleep with someone laying with her, then she’s coming into light sleep which is totally normal, and then waking fully because she’s wondering where you’ve gone. And can’t say I blame her. If you fell asleep all cuddled up with your partner then stirred to realise they’d disappeared without a trace you wouldn’t just shrug it off and go back to sleep, you’d wake up fully and go look for them. So I think you have unrealistic expectations of her!

She needs to fall asleep how she’s going to stay asleep so either embrace the cosleeping or focus on sleep training that has her falling asleep in her bed, on her own. For that you probably want to go back to the cot, unless she’s a climber or you’ve got rid, then put a stairgate on her door. Ferber/controlled crying is likely to be the quickest, typically it’s 3 nights, but not everyone has the appetite for the crying.

The parents are Co-Sleeping according to the thread but issue seems constant and prolonged waking.

[InTheRainOnATrain]

@CoSleepingmum

The parents are Co-Sleeping according to the thread but issue seems constant and prolonged waking.

Ohhh I read it as if they cosleep to get her to sleep, then go off, hence the takes 3 hours of lying with her comment like they weren’t already there! But rereading it I think you’re right. If cosleeping isn’t working then definitely time for sleep training then. Everyone needs rest!

[JacquiDaytona]

@Sleepydad85

Last night she woke 10, 12, 3 and 5. Not often super tired. So I don’t think the issue is over tiredness. She seems to need less sleep than average in my untrained opinion.

sounds soooo similar to mine! He’d wake up, want to play, chat, wander about, try to prise my eyes open….then be up at 5:30 bright as a button whilst I was like a zombie and feeling sick with tiredness. I do think it’s developmental as others have said, but attempting to get your little one to sleep in their cot will help. Good luck.

[Lalarara10]

It sounds like this isn’t sustainably OP - all of you need to get some sleep.

if you’re committed and consistent then sleep training will work quickly. It’s not pleasant but I couldn’t believe it when my daughter started sleeping through by night 3.

As @InTheRainOnATrain said, you’ll need to think about how you’ll do it if she’s able to climb out of her cot but if that’s not an issue it should be fairly straightforward.

[Sleepydad85]

@Lalarara10 what type of training did you use?

[Lalarara10]

I used taking Cara babies, which is similar to Ferber although the times you go and check in are more spaced out as our presence made my daughter more upset and prolonged the crying so this worked well for us.

night one was pretty brutal as she decided not to settle at bedtime which was unusual for her, but by night 3 she was sleeping through.

she was only 5 months old but the ‘program’ we followed was up to 24 months. Before that she was waking all night and wouldn’t really resettle after 3 am.