I have a 2 year old and a brand new baby.
our sleep journey with the 2 year old has been… tricky. We didn’t start sleep training him until quite late and we know we encouraged sleep crutches for far too long. We rocked him to sleep until he was about 20 months but finally managed to break that cycle by putting him in the cot and lying down next to him on the floor until he falls asleep. He’s normally down within 10 mins and then we can leave.
before anyone says it, I know this is not ideal. It’s a huge improvement on where we were but he’s still very dependant on company to fall asleep.
we now have a newborn. My partner is on his 2 week paternity leave right now so one of us has the baby while the other gets our toddler down, but from next week I’m on my own and I have no idea how I will cope.
the baby doesn’t like being put down and makes a lot of noise when I do. When she makes noise the toddler gets upset. I can’t leave her in another room for long enough to get him to sleep. I’m at a loss for how I manage 😬
at some point she’ll have a nap routine as well! Do people just leave their toddler when they put the baby down? I feel bad putting him in front of the tv 6 times a day but that’s the only way he’ll stay still for that length of time.
I would welcome any advice from those who have been in the same situation. I don’t want to delay sleep training so long with the baby because I know we have caused the toddlers dependency on us.
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Managing naps now we have a newborn
glasspaw · 20/03/2024 12:59
Pinklilly · 21/03/2024 10:44
So I have a 5 month old and a 2 year old. My situation is different in that my toddler doesn’t need me to fall asleep. But my baby needs a lot of input.
so often I leave the toddler with some books or an activity during a nap and I go to put the baby down for a nap.
at night I just bring the baby in toddlers room whilst I dress toddler for bed. I can then leave toddler and settle baby.
i too am worried baby is developing unsustainable sleep associations but I don’t have capacity to train during naps as my toddler is waiting so what I do is I’ve been focusing on her sleep training at night l.
toddler can happily sleep through any cries baby makes but I keep a sound machine in baby room to try and drown sound out.
its tough but I would suggest keeping baby with you whilst toddler falls asleep and perhaps trying a slow retreat with toddler so that you can soon say good night and leave.
the approach I take is whoever is easier to fall asleep I do first. So on days baby is very tired I pop toddler in bedroom with some books and put baby to sleep. Come back to toddler read a book and say good night. But most nights toddler is put down first.
Mrsjayy · 21/03/2024 17:06
I think you could practise putting the baby down or you will be rocking them to sleep at 20 months. Do it for seconds pick the baby back up before they cry and keep doing this for longer periods. OR get a sling and just crack on with the toddler. It's a huge adjustment with 2 children and there is no real wrong way at this stage its just muddling through.
Scottishgirl85 · 21/03/2024 18:49
Why will your baby not be put down? I feel history is repeating itself for you. Maybe I was lucky, but I've got 3 children and each of them napped in moses basket from day 1, and learned to self-settle from the offset. Sleep training shouldn't be required by default. We always put down awake from day 1, I think that's the key.
Mrssheepskin · 21/03/2024 21:04
The whole putting down drowsy but awake etc I think is mostly a load of rubbish 😆 and if it does work it must be down to luck! Mine just cried and didn’t sleep when I attempted that with my first. Plus I enjoyed the newborn naps on me.
When I had my newborn I breastfed him whilst putting the older one to bed to start with.
With the second I think you just do whatever you can to survive. My second napped in the sling for the first 9 months (I then could transfer him to his cot once he was asleep) but you just don’t have the time to be upstairs for aslong as you need when you have the first around too I found.
But then I also still sit next to the cot to get my youngest who’s 2, to sleep (but I don’t mind and actually quite like it and will miss this when one day he tells me to get out I’m sure!)
Overthebow · 21/03/2024 18:38
We have a 3 year old and a young baby. To be honest with the second baby they just have to fit in with your life. My toddler goes to nursery 3 days a week so those days are baby focused, then the other two days I take them out to toddler places like soft play, groups and to see her friends, and baby just naps on the go. Is your 2 year old in nursery? If not then maybe put him in a couple of days a week for a change of scene for him. It’s good for their development at this age too.
glasspaw · 21/03/2024 21:11
He’s not in nursery sadly. We are on a waiting list but 4 local nurseries have closed since Christmas so everywhere is completely oversubscribed with trying to re distribute the kids from the closed facilities. So he’s with me every day through maternity leave unless I get a call to say he has a place.
Overthebow · 21/03/2024 18:38
We have a 3 year old and a young baby. To be honest with the second baby they just have to fit in with your life. My toddler goes to nursery 3 days a week so those days are baby focused, then the other two days I take them out to toddler places like soft play, groups and to see her friends, and baby just naps on the go. Is your 2 year old in nursery? If not then maybe put him in a couple of days a week for a change of scene for him. It’s good for their development at this age too.
Mamoun · 21/03/2024 21:22
What about lying down with him in hour bed while you breastfeed baby on your side?
Maybe you'll all fall asleep?
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