11 month old - waking numerous times a night - help!

[Chewbecca22]

We have an 11 month old who has never slept well. The best we have ever had is 1/2 wakes, and that was months ago when he wasn't well..!

He goes to sleep independently for both naps and bedtime - he changes position and finds his dummy etc and is quite happy.

Naps are about 30/45 mins for the first and 2 hours for the second, and I have to wake him up.

When he goes to bed (7.30pm roughly, about 4 hours after he wakes from nap) he always wakes up about 3 hours later, pretty upset and the only way to comfort him is to feed him back to sleep. After that, he wakes every 2 hours all night, and I feed him back to sleep every time as it is the quickest way.

He's quite clingy during the day so I don't know if it's separation anxiety or anything like that, but I am going back and forth between rooms all night and I'm exhausted. Really need to figure out how to get some more sleep as I struggle to get back to sleep once I've fed him so it's just waiting for the next wake..!

He doesn't eat amazingly, but has 3 x 8oz bottles a day, 3 meals and 2 snacks, and I bf in between whenever he fancies. Maybe he's hungry?

We aren't interested in letting him cry it out, but would really like to figure out how to get more sleep!

My boy is the same age and exactly the same. I can only suggest cosleeping. Then you're not up and down all night but in the same bed and it's far easier to roll back to sleep after you've fed him.

I'm not keen on Co-sleeping, just that I suffer from quite serious anxiety and that just gives me the fear! Just not something I want to start as I know we'll never manage to stop!

You say he's never been a good sleeper which would suggest this isn't separation anxiety but more his association between being fed and falling asleep.

There are other options between CIO and co-sleeping I'd say. For example, could you try for the initial wake up first when presumably you're still most alert and try beginning with resettling some other way, even if it takes much longer just with cuddles or some rocking, or even feeding him until he's calm and almost asleep but waking him ever so slightly as you put him down?

You could also try pick up/put down or if he's standing in his cot put down/put down - there will be crying but you would stay in the room the entire time so even though he's frustrated he doesn't feel abandoned.

Unfortunately the strong association with feeding to sleep is difficult to break. Of course it will disappear on its own at some point, but it can take a long time depending on the child. If you want to make changes then breaking that association is the only way to do it. I read a book that described it as imagine if you woke up in the night and someone had moved you from your warm bed, taken away your pillow and locked you out of your bedroom and put you on the cold living room floor, you wouldn't be able to go back to sleep, you'd need to get back to your warm bed with your pillow to be able to do so. This is what happens when babies rely on one thing to fall asleep and then wake up in a different environment.

Yeah, I think we do need to break it! Unfortunately my husband drives a truck for work so can t do the wakes unless he's off the next day as he's too tired to drive so it's just been me and it's the quickest way..! I'll try and reduce the feedings until they're gone - hopefully that helps! I just figured that because he goes to sleep on his own at the start of the night, he would be able to do that again? But maybe he just wants a cuddle. Who knows! Thanks :)

The fact he goes down on his own is great - it means he does know how to do it and at that time of night when sleep pressure is at its greatest he finds it easy. He just maybe finds it harder later on when there isn't as much sleep pressure and it takes a bit longer.

It means hopefully whatever route you go down he will catch on quickly 🙏