Mummy with insomnia

[JayEll]

Hi all 👋 

I have a DD who is almost 16 months old, she has the most beautiful sleep routine after a momentary disruption after 1year vaccinations, we’re back on track 😌. We’re so proud of her!

But I am now facing another issue.. I am a mummy with insomnia. I’ve had it for a very long time but it’s more of an issue now than ever. I am so determined to have a synchronised routine with my baby girl but the only way I am managing to do that is by having little to no sleep. 

Her father is constantly offering to do the morning routine with her alone so I can have more sleep but then I just feel like I’ve missed a massive part of the day with her. 
I want to be an active mum - play groups, soft play, park trips, nature walks. But they’re all day time activities and if I’m sleeping then I will miss out on all of that. I also love breakfast time with her. 

BUT I am also close to burn out (my eyes are starting look like I’ve been in a boxing ring, which is not great for my confidence either 😭). 

Im waiting for a call from my doctor, In the meantime I’ve spoken to a pharmacist who was in agreement that sleeping pills aren’t the best idea with a baby incase the baby wakes up through the night or there’s an emergency and I’m completely zonked out from them. Also there’s risk of becoming dependent on them. He suggested more natural remedies. 

Just a quick mention that I am suspected to have adhd but I am a long long way away from getting any answers, this is a whole other conversation. But I mention this as it’s common for adha’ers to struggle with sleep - Without diagnosis, no medication.

does anyone have any recommendations of something that actually works please?! 
I’ve tried different sleep teas and nytol(before I had my baby) which didn’t work with me. I’m so so desperate to have a functional sleep routine that doesn’t strip me away from day light! I know people would probably say I’m making it more difficult for myself but I refuse to sleep through the day and miss out on my mornings with my DD, I’d rather not sleep! 

thank you in advance 

[GailTheSnail]

You might miss out on a couple of hours with your daughter but also be more present and awake when you are about. When I'm knackered i don't feel like ive got a lot of energy for playing games etc with mine.

Also not all sleeping pills completely knock you out. I would still wake up if my kids cried in the night on a low dose (3.5mg) of zopiclone. And i do it very occasionally when the burn out is bad and knowing my partner can also deal with the kids

Natural remedies...bath, writing down feelings before bed, no devices close to bedtime? Youve probably heard all these before though .

Best of luck and please don't let mum guilt let you run yourself into the ground. You can be a fab mum and have needs of your own x

[pieceofpasta]

Mirtazapine

[Brandnewskytohangyourstarsupon]

Bonkers to not take the offer to catch up because you don’t want to miss a moment.

Sleep deprivation has all kinds of mental and physical implications. You are making yourself ill, you will miss more than moments when unable to function due to self inflicted illness.

How will you cope when it’s time to wave her off for full time school?
I think you need to have a word with yourself and think beyond your current situation because it just isn’t sustainable is it.

[Upinthenightagain]

I take phenergan nightly. I still wake up if my children cry or need me. It’s not ideal though but I nearly stepped out with the pram in front of a bus once because I was so exhausted

[HermitCrabby]

I look back on 2012, the year my dc turned 2 as ‘the year of no sleep’. I have struggled with insomnia all my life, but 2012 was the worst, compounded by my dc waking regularly and being an early riser too. I didn’t take anything either and found that lack of sleep left me depressed, tearful and under weight. Motherhood is a long project. Don’t risk your long term health for fear of missing a few hours with your daughter a couple of times a week. Take your partner up on their offer to look after your child. Get as much sleep as you can maybe twice a week and do the daytime things on other days. You can balance your desire to be present with your need for quality sleep, and your partner will have some great opportunities to spend time alone with your child too which is also really valuable. Hopefully this sleep phase will pass and you will be back on a more even keel soon. Best of luck to you!

[JayEll]

Thank you@GailTheSnail, I know you’re right.
I am still managing to do activities ok at the moment. Luckily I’ve always had quite a playful personality which has helped, But I know it won’t last forever if I continue to push myself.

oh that’s super helpful and reassuring to know! When my doctor is able to get back to me I will mention this to him. Thank you very much!

yep, I try these things all the time, I get so frustrated that it doesn’t work with me. 😫

thank you, I appreciate you saying this so much! I have mum guilt a lot, but I’m sure this is probably regular first time mum stuff. X

[JayEll]

@Brandnewskytohangyourstarsupon

Obviously I know this isn’t a productive way to continue, hence why I’m reaching out for advice before it gets to any of these points.

I have many words with myself, I am always trying to better myself for my DD.

I would’ve preferred a less judgemental response. I am a first time mum, it takes a lot to reach out and ask for help. but thanks anyway..

[JayEll]

@Upinthenightagain

Thank you so much for your suggestion! I will bring this up to my doctor.
And also for being open about your experience, I hope you're feeling more rested and better now x

[JayEll]

@HermitCrabby Thank you so much for your advice, you’re absolutely right.
I appreciate your openness and honesty so so much!
i feel like there are so many parent shamers out there and it can scare you about speaking to people for help. And then theres mum guilt which makes me feel like I always could be doing more.
I know this is anonymous but I’m still shaking whilst I was typing this out so having someone share their own experience like this is so so helpful! I will definitely be taking the advice given to me today, I want to be the best I can be for my DD!

thank you again & I hope your sleeping better now x

[JayEll]

@pieceofpasta Thank you, I will bring this up to the doctor

[HermitCrabby]

@JayEll I am really glad my comments were helpful. You are much more likely to be the parent you want to be if you are properly rested.

[JayEll]

@HermitCrabby so so much! Can’t beat real advice from real experiences.

totally agree! Definitely feeling more hopeful now

[HermitCrabby]

@JayEll How are you getting on? I hope you are getting a bit more sleep and finding things easier.

[trampoline123]

I'm kind of the same actually and my sleep is awful. So tired I fall asleep early then wake about 2am and can't get back to sleep. Kids are both finally sleeping well and I'm still awake.

I sometimes take a sleeping aid, I'll still wake when I hear the kids but can get back to sleep once they're settled.

Try and remember, it's also important for dad and child to have alone time so stepping back a bit is a good idea.

[JayEll]

@HermitCrabby its so lovely of you to check back, thank you!! I hope you’re doing well too. X

I have good & bad nights but the doctors have finally given me an appointment, so when that comes around I have plenty of suggestions to bring up to them. In the mean time I’ve been listening to the advice given to me & also have been taking BD up on the offer of some lay-ins to get some extra rest in where I can. The sleep situation is not 100% there yet but having all the advice and extra support has definitely made me feel soo much better 😌

[JayEll]

@trampoline123 It’s so frustrating isn’t it! I’ve had this too! Trying to go to bed early and then just waking up in the middle of the night anyway.

I was so nervous by the thought of taking sleeping aid but now that I’ve heard so many others taking them just fine, I’m definitely more open to the idea. I’m just waiting now to talk to the doctors so they can give me guidance on the right one for me.

I totally agree! They have the best bond! & I’d never do anything to get in the way of that. It’s just horrible mums guilt playing tricks on my thoughts, it’s silly really. Thank you for your advice 😊

[HermitCrabby]

@JayEll Glad to hear that you are doing better. I hope the doctor has some practical solutions for you.