@Dillybear
Hello, I just wanted to add some thoughts to this. As a child, I remember feeling kind of sick before going to bed quite often. I’d be having a perfectly nice time and then I’d realise bedtime was approaching and I’d be overwhelmed with a feeling of dread - a bit like how you feel the night before going back to work sometimes after a weekend or time off or whatever. As a child, I may have described this as loneliness. I found it very hard to fall asleep. I don’t remember that I woke up very often but I know it would take me ages to drop off. Being little, I probably wouldn’t have had the language to describe how I felt properly - I think I probably would have said something like I felt lonely.
I’m not sure sleeping away from my room would have helped me much - it was familiar to me and I think my parents would have woken me in the night going to bed. Your DD feels like that could help - it might help as a short term solution to reduce the association between going to bed and bad feelings. Sometimes feelings like that can almost become a habit and a little time away from the routine of feeling like that can help to break the association.
I was also a worrier and an anxious child, and remember being awake at night as a young child worrying about all sorts of things. I think what would have helped me would have been more unconditional positive regard from my parents - speaking from my own experience, my parents were very happy with me as long as I was pleasing them in whatever way, but could be quite rejecting if I wasn’t (hold a grudge/ stay annoyed for a long time/ say negative things about me rather than my behaviour/ mainly say positive things about what I achieved rather than who I was etc). I didn’t feel totally secure in their love/like of me. My parents weren’t doing anything wrong, they were pretty normal parents, but I was quite a sensitive child, as I’ve said (tough as old boots now though!). For some kids, this style of parenting suits them really well as they are naturally more resilient, but if you’ve got a naturally more anxious child, they can just need more reassurance, praise etc. I hope this doesn’t come across like I’m making any assumptions about your parenting - I’m really not - I just thought it might be worth mentioning!
On a more practical note, sitting down with her and thinking about the loneliness could be helpful. You could draw a person with her and help her map the feelings on her body - where does she feel the lonely feeling, what does it look like in her heart/stomach/mind/hands etc. That could help you to find out more about what might help. Building on this, you could then help her come up with her own ‘bedtime toolkit’ or something to help manage the uncomfortable feelings that she’s experiencing. Doing this would be likely to enable her to feel less powerless over her own feelings. What does she think would help with these feelings? She’s seven so I’m sure she has some ideas. It would also be helpful to have some suggestions yourself - essential oil pillow spray, a favourite cuddly toy, a nice bath bubble smell before bed, relaxing music, maybe a top that smells like you. I’d be thinking of bringing smell, touch, sound, even taste (maybe a warm drink before bed) into it so it’s more about physical feelings than stuff she needs to think about (and therefore stuff that might make her worry).
I’ve also heard really good things about the Moshi app - it’s an audiobook app for kids that plays really soothing, positive stories for children. The music and the content is really lovely and shouldn’t cause or add to any more worrying feelings for her.
Really hope at least some of this is helpful. I’ve just tried to think of what would have helped me as a child and what I’d do with a child I was working with (I do therapeutic work with children) if they were struggling like this.
Thanks so much for taking the time to write this. Full of really thoughtful advice - thanks so much.