I can't do it anymore

[TychosNose]

Ds is 21 months and still wakes every 2 hours for a feed.

Tried not feeding - he just screamed for hours then slept for 10 mins then screamed again. For three nights. Then I gave up.

I have nothing left. I'm totally broken.
I get so cross with him. We're sitting in his room now both crying because he's refusing to nap. We spend a lot of time sitting in his room crying.

It's a living hell and I don't know what to do. I feel so bitter that I never ever get any proper sleep. It's such a miserable existence.

I'm feeling really sorry for myself and desperate today.

Don't expect anyone to have an answer just needed to have a whinge and I have no one in rl to complain to.

[Rinceoir]

OP I really feel for you. My DD was a nightmare to wean onto solids. Lea it's very hard to just decide to stop breastfeeding. People who have children who are easy to wean, happy to drink milk from a cup or generally are just not that bothered about breastfeeding don't necessarily understand how difficult it can be. My DD only started eating well a few weeks ago, and she's 19months now. She still loves to breastfeed however, and I do have to put gentle limits on it. I've taken ideas from all over. I would definitely suggest you start by night weaning. My DD just night weaned herself luckily but I had planned to do it over the next few weeks. I would start by distracting and extending time between feeds. Set a period of a few hours to start with. There will be tears but you'll still be with him. I planned to do a gentler form of Jay Gordon's technique. I would also suggest joining a closed Facebook extended breastfeeding/breastfeeding toddlers group- you may get some good gentle advice there, or at least people will be more receptive to you just having a moan!

[SleepForTheWeak]

We also used Ann Caird, the sleep consultant. I honestly doubted my DD would ever go longer than 2 hours between feeds at night but she's now sleeping 11/12 hours a night with no feeds. It was nowhere near as bad as I thought it was going to be, DH was heavily involved in this process, it must be hard if you are alone during the night

[Queendedede]

If he was starving he would eat food offered to him surely? I do completely see where you are coming from and do agree, I just don't think it was the angle OP was after. As she previously mentioned, she feels bad enough as it is and just needed a place to vent not to be given basic common sense or be lectured about parental responsibility.

Also, as previously mentioned, my 19mo wakes multiple times a night but definitely not due to hunger, so you can't presume that is all this boils down to....

[spondulix]

Poor thing, he must be starving. My dd is the same age, she's a dainty little thing and eats like a rugby player. I can't imagine her surviving on just milk.

I think you know what needs to be done. It's just a question of steeling yourself and doing it.

[LeaLeander]

It's distressing to think of a toddler so hungry he cannot sleep. Which is very likely the situation here. "Feed your kid!" Is a reminder of basic common sense, parental responsibility and human decency, not advise

[Queendedede]

The OP did mention in her original post that she wasn't wanting advice, just a moan as there isn't anyone she can moan to in RL.
So excuse her if she disregards the advice she didn't actually ask for. I'm sure she knows full well where things have gone wrong and what to do to sort things out. But this will be very hard work and maybe she isn't ready mentally to deal with the fallout right now.
If you can't post nice responses then don't post at all

[LeaLeander]

So in other words you are unwilling to take any suggestions for a possible solution. The self gratification of being your two year old child's only source of nutrition is more important than him getting the proper feed and sound, independent sleep habits. That's what it looks like from here anyway.

[TychosNose]

Thanks for your reply champignon
Dh can't take time off. He has in the past to try and help but no improvement.

[CharmingChampignon]

Can your DH take some time off or change his hours v temporarily? the only way we changed things was for DH to take over the settling. Once we did that, it didn't take long for sleep to improve drastically. I actually fed to 3.5 because I didn't resent it once I was getting some sleep.

[TychosNose]

Thank you queen your replies are very much appreciated.

nutcracker It's really hard isn't it?

artistic there's no peace in the current situation.

[Queendedede]

My 19mo eats three huge meals a day, plus snacks, plus 2 cups of milk, sleeps in his own bed, self settles at bedtime but still wakes multiple times at night. I don't disagree that cutting down on the breast feeding will help and is a good start but it might not be the complete solution..... I'm still looking for that!

[Artistic]

I agree with someone above who said to slow down on bf & allow solids to increase. Almost all bad sleepers show improvement as solids increase so your DS is possibly too hungry all the time and hence bf & not sleeping. Give up 48 hours of your current peace to get much more peace after that. When a child is hungry he will eat if he has nothing else!

[LeaLeander]

I just looked at HealthyChildren.org and it said by age two a child should be eating three meals a day plus one or two snacks.

Suggested foods include cheese, veggies, nuts, eggs, peanut butter, fruit, meat -- pretty much everything.
Op, why is your child not yet eating solids?

[LeaLeander]

Sorry if I seemed harsh but sitting around hand-wringing isn't going to change the situation. Of OP wants her life to change she is going to have to make changes.
Maybe the kid is up so often because he is hungry! I've seen 2 year olds put away a lot of chow!
Why on earth is this one "barely eating solids"? If that's all he were offered I assure you he would eat and probably enjoy it. Maybe a full tummy and his own bed would help him get some rest.
What does your husband say about this situation?

[NutCrackerSlacker]

Poor you. My first child dint stop waking regularly in the night until he was 2.5 yrs old. It was awful and really affected all of our lives.

What worked? i just stopped feeding. Total cold turkey. It was hellish, but it worked. A week of him screaming his head off, and then he just got it. The milk shop is shut, sorry mate .

Good luck. its a hard thing to crack, and you have my sympathies.

[MoriartyIsMyAngel]

Sorry, I agree with LeaLeander - especially after reading 'Just one of my many many failings as a mother I guess.' And 'The guilt I feel for ruining the lives of my dh and dc is unbearable.'

Stop breastfeeding!! You've done more than enough!

Why struggle on when there is no reason to? You're not a cow, you can't produce vast quantities of milk on command. He's old enough that I can't see there would be any particular benefits now, and look at what this situation is producing - the OP exhausted, not enjoying her child, and eating up with guilt for simply trying to do her best. Your child will benefit MOST from having a happy mother, that's the bottom line.

[TychosNose]

Thanks for your reply queen it's really rotten trapped in my own private nightmare so it's helpful to share with someone who understands. Hope you have a better night tonight.

Sadly no one else can do bedtime as dh often isn't home in time and I need to protect my poor dd's sleep so I can't have a hysterical toddler charging round the house while she's trying to sleep, which I'm pretty sure it what would happen if I didn't feed him to sleep.

The feeding so much is because he demands it and I give in. Just one of my many many failings as a mother I guess. Believe me, this is not part of a grand plan and I do not congratulate myself for having got into this mess. The guilt I feel for ruining the lives of my dh and dc is unbearable.

[Queendedede]

LeaLeander, nicely put.....

[Queendedede]

Also, hats off for breastfeeding so much for so long... I'm going to attempt to cut out the one and only feed mine has at bedtime tonight. Don't think it will go down well but I'm over breastfeeding a toddler who only wants it as he knows it as his routine, rather than needing it for nutrition.

[LeaLeander]

Just stop the bf for god's sake. I am sure a nearly two years old child has enough self preservation instinct to eat when he gets hungry enough. Put him down with a bottle of water or a dummy/pacifier.
The screaming and crying and stress and sleep deprivation of both of you is extremely unhealthy and negates entirely whatever benefits you think there are to bf at this late stage.

[Queendedede]

I really feel for you! I'm having a bad day after DS waking every 1.5 - 2hrs last night, all he wanted was tucking in and reassurance I was still in the house....! It's sparked off my pnd and feelings of failing as a parent again though. I thought by this age he might be slightly better than he is and despite trying to do everything 'right' e.g he goes in his cot awake at bedtime and is left alone to fall asleep, which he does brilliantly, but he still wakes up multiple times for reassurance?!

One saving grace is that he naps well and without resistance and always in his cot. He usually has 2hrs 11.30 until 1.30. I have a 6yo who I feel gets neglected/snapped at a lot because of how rubbish I feel.

My husband just reminded me that they all leave home eventually..... Not sure I will survive long enough to see that day! But for you, as you do seem to have it worse. I hope someone comes along soon and gives us that light we so need to see!

[DelphiniumBlue]

If you stop, or drastically reduce bf, he will eat, and may sleep for longer.
He needs to be able to sleep without suckling. For this reason, the first bf I dropped was the bedtime one.
Could you go out and have someone else do bedtime for 3 or 4 days? Otherwise it can be quite hard. Maybe bf him then start bedtime routine. You have to do something, this is not fair on you or your older child.
Can I ask why are you bf for 10 hours a day at 19 months? That is quite unusual, and no wonder you are tired! You must be producing enormous quantities of milk to completely sustain a child of that size.

[TychosNose]

Could be cmpi I suppose. Or reflux as he used to spit up a lot when he was smaller. Hv and gp rubbish. No help whatsoever. Haven't noticed a pattern except no sleep! I was dairy free for his first few months then slowly introduced dairy and didn't notice things getting worse, but they've always been so bad. Even as a newborn he never really slept.

Don't have the energy to sleep train. If that would even work and I have my doubts.

No success with nap today and a shit night means I haven't had more tha 10 minutes in the last two days without ds in my arms, either feeding or fighting me.

I'm bf and would like to continue but just would prefer it to not be all the time. Problem with stopping is that i have no other way of getting him to sleep and he's feeding for probably 10 hours a day and hardly eating solids or drinking cows milk so not sure what would happen if I stopped bf.

Another day of living hell today with a grumpy overtired toddler and a 5yo who needs some attention at some point and no light at the end of the tunnel.

[LetThereBeCupcakes]

Queen I've PMd you.

[Queendedede]

Thanks! How long did you do dairy free for before introducing it again and what were his nights like prior? As in he obviously woke up a lot but what was his behaviour like? (Sorry for all the questions, just trying to pinpoint if it is a possibility here!)