How to get baby to nap when you have a toddler

[fizzicles]

I have a 2.5yr old dd and 5 month old dd. Toddler has afternoon nap of approx 2 hours most afternoons.

Baby will tend to have 3 naps during the day, but most of the time I feed her to sleep, and I'd like to move on from this.

When eldest was a baby, we put a bit of effort into teaching dd to fall asleep in her cot - but it took a good chunk of time, patting her, singing to her etc. My questions is: How do you do this when you have a toddler to look after?

Some days there is someone else (DH or DM) around who could do this or look after toddler, and if she's napping it'd be ok, but then when it's just me, I can't figure out how I can help baby sleep, as I can't leave toddler on her own for 15/20mins or however long it would take.

I'm also aware, that I'm by no means the first parent to have two children, so you friendly folk must have some helpful advice! I'm not prepared to just leave baby to cry, but would love to hear other suggestions or what's worked for you.

Thanks!

[nottheOP]

Do you mean in a cot on her own?

[swanseacat]

Weighing in. Have a 5 year old and a 5 week old. Fortunately DD1 can entertain herself for a bit but I really want to get DS2 to nap at home. Is it too early for this?

[nottheOP]

It's not easy. My dniece was born with the ability to self soothe, so unusual!! Lucky sil doesn't appreciate it yet, first kid.

[FizzyBubbly]

nottheOP, you make it sound so simple! I'm in the same situation with my 13wo and am desperately trying to get her to self settle before the 4 month regression for the reasons you've stated. My 2.3yo will only occupy herself or watch Cbeebies for 10-15mins which is never enough time. I'm fed up of DD2 napping in the sling and her sleep is getting worse for it too now that she's more aware of her surroundings.

[PicnicPie]

Another here who used cbeebies/dvd/ i pad for quiet toddler time. Left toddler to watch something whilst I took baby upstairs when they were tired and ready for a nap. Placed in cot and left room. Waited around upstairs for a bit and did a bit of shush pat. But on the whole that did work. If she couldn't settle and if I'd tried for about 10 mins to settle but it wasn't working, then I'd bring her back down. This was to save both of us getting stressed. I'd let her play/cuddle again for 15-20 mins then try again. And it would work. I have an 18mo age gap.

[YouBastardSockBalls]

Sit older child in front of TV, save a special programme just for this time so they sit through it!

[nottheOP]

You tend to get the regression when the baby doesn't know how to self settle. Their sleep changes and they don't just go from one sleep phase to another. If they can settle themselves, they sometimes do it without any bother at all.

If they have help falling asleep, the parent can find themselves having to resettle every 30/45 minutes by dummy/rocking/feeding to sleep.

It's probably why controlled crying used to be done at 4 months rather than the 6 that's recommended now. It was also easier to moss when babies weren't in the same room like they are now.

[Needaninsight]

What this 4 month sleep regression??! Did i miss this!?

No sure. My daughter is 2. 9 and won't tolerate the 15month old in the slightest!

Sounds like you're doing great. From recollection, I think i put my baby back down about 8.30 in the morning for a sleep and I left 23month old watching cbeebies whilst I went upstairs. I just made sure the room was very very safe. Middle nap they both napped so i put her down first and then tended to the baby.

Afternoon nap, was probably another session of cbeebies!

[Lilipot15]

Thank you, I will carry on for now!

[nottheOP]

I didn't suffer anymore with the regression, it isn't guaranteed to happen! For some it's just a growth spurt.

[scratchandsniff]

Lilipot I also started at around 12 weeks. Entirely normal to feed to sleep until then. However be prepared for your hard work to be undone with the 4month sleep regression

[nottheOP]

Just to add that he did cry but cried less than if I was rocking, that just seemed to over stimulate him or something

[nottheOP]

I started at 12 weeks lilipot

[Lilipot15]

Those who say you just put the youngest down and they sleep, when do you start that at? My presently 7 week old is feeding to sleep at the mo, also falls asleep in car/pram/sling but I'm watching for tips. Have a 17 month old who naps after lunch.

[fizzicles]

Thanks for the suggestions.

CBeebies would probably work, I'd just have to get over my guilt at letting her watch too much!

SewButtons I'll try the quiet time practice. Toddler is quite an extrovert so would almost always prefer to be playing with someone than on her own, but I'm sure she can learn!

Needaninsight in so many ways the baby is very chilled out, happy to sit in bouncy chair or watch mobile while I'm playing with toddler. She used to be an amazing sleeper at night, although 4 month regression has hit us hard! And she did used to sometimes just fall asleep when we put her down, but doesn't seem able to any more. I'm not sure I think it's reasonable to expect 2yo to understand baby's needs to be honest. I think that level of empathy/rationality might be a little way off! She is generally great with her sister, but still adjusting to not being the sole focus of or attention! If she's tired/hungry/in a bad mood she's not so keen to accommodate her baby sister (much like every other toddler I presume).

[broomchickabroomchick]

I have a thread asking the same question! 3 year old DS and 4 month old DD. Tv doesn't work for us

[nottheOP]

I'd put the baby down in their bedroom at the nap times, checking back in for a few seconds every few minutes. Honestly, it'll take no time for the baby to catch on.

I used to do the last nap in the pram as it's handy to have that skill in your bag of tricks.

[scratchandsniff]

I wouldn't skip a nap as an overtired baby is even harder to settle. Sleep promotes sleep in babies IMO.

I make sure there is something on TV that DS1 really likes and have also resorted to some raisins etc in a bowl to keep him occupied. I end up quite often having to leave DS2 to cry and go in back in several times until he falls asleep. With DS2 I've actively encouraged him to have a comforter at nap and bedtimes and give it to him to hold/rub against his face. I also resort to the dummy if needed. A dummy was a godsend with DS1 as he was a terrible napper until he was around 1.

[2littlefishes]

Initially I'd put baby in the pram an give it a rock, then I'd do less of the rocking an after a few weeks doing less and less could just dump him in and he'd fall asleep after chattering to himself for a bit. I'd leave toddler playing in the next room an just shush her if she wandered in.

He napped like this for a good few months an then he was ill and fighting going down so I decided if he was getting worked up anyway it might as well have been in the cot!! Took two or three days of him resisting and a bit of gradual retreat/shush pat but he's napped in his cot ever since!

Just under 17months between mine so initially there was no way she'd be left alone while I tried to settled him in the cot, but when transitioning him from the pram to cot, she was older an would play quietly on her own for a little bit.

[Needaninsight]

Ahh sorry ha. Just re-read your baby is already 5months! Thought you had a newborn. Hmm. Not sure then. Your daughter is a good bit older so able to understand that the baby has needs.

[SewButtons]

I practice quiet time with children around that age (I'm a nanny) , so maybe try at different times of the day telling her "mummy has to do xyz, can you play quietly for 5minutes"
See how good she is at it, she might be perfectly content to sit and look at a picture book for 10mins, it depends entirely on your daughter, I've have 2yr olds tell me to go away because they are playing.
Depending how that goes (try it over the weekend at first so that your dh can step in if necessary) you can stretch it out while you settle the baby, maybe get your toddler to play quietly outside the bedroom door.
I usually start off by just trying to be allowed go to the toilet on my own, and then work up to a cup of tea or time to hang out a load of washing.

Alternatively if that doesn't work as is entirely possible, some kids just can't play on their own, then cbeebies does work.

[Needaninsight]

we put a bit of effort into teaching dd to fall asleep in her cot - but it took a good chunk of time, patting her, singing to her etc. My questions is: How do you do this when you have a toddler to look after?

You don't. And you will reap the rewards. A baby that just goes to sleep!

Put baby down, stroke head, leave room. Seriously. If they've never been pandered to, they don't need it ;)

In all seriousness, you will spend a lot of time telling the baby they will have to wait. The toddler's needs come first. As such, you end up with a much less needy baby than you had first time round (as is my experience, and 3 of my friend's experiences, all with small age gaps)

My daughter was 17.5months when no2 arrived.

[Piazzapiola]

if you figure it out, let me know. I just put DS2 in the sling from day one, and now he's almost 9mo and will still only nap on me or in the sling. DS1 had already dropped his nap when DS2 was born so I never had any chance to only focus on DS2's napping.

DP and I just discussing a sleep consultant as DS2 wakes several times in the evening and sleeps in our bed and every one is getting a bit fed up :(

[tippytappywriter]

Oh and he is 8 now and sleeps 7-7 in his own bed...not in the buggy!

[QuiteLikely5]

In your shoes I would skip the babies first nap of the day so that he or she was extra tired. Then when she is tired put her upstairs to sleep in her cot. This way she will be very sleepy and less inclined to fight her new sleeping arrangement.

Possibly feed her in the room where the cot is too so she is not stimulated by any sounds etc