who will join me on cosleeping thread?

[bytheseaside]

Is there a general thread to chat and share cosleeping experiences? if not, anyone else want one? Im often trawling through looking for advice on this or that aspect. i have 8mo, cosleeping initially from necessity (needed some bloody sleep!) and now we mainly love it: feeding has been great and she seems so happy. I would like to move towards own bed / room though, just no faith this is achievable! having been a bit 'high needs' shall we say, dd hasn't ever been able to self settle or sleep alone (hence cosleeping) except in car or short daytime naps and i just can't face going to bed at 7 myself: i would never eat or see dp, so she naps /wakes downstairs with us until late then she and i usually sleep late (well she does anyway). not ideal, and impossible with visitors/going away. But we do generally all get relatively decent amount of sleep. hmmm. Would really like to hear other peoples experiences.

[wickedwithofthenorth]

Alpha, I'm in the same position as you. Dd is 7 months and up until two weeks ago has slept purely in her basket or cot. However in desperation (after hv advised us to cut down on her milk feeds)due to waking every 30 mins during the night and her sleeping very restlessly we brought her in with us.
We tried co sleeping once or twice when she was tiny but it just didn't work for us, I struggled to settle with her in bed and dh was sleeping under several layers in the winter.
I have been really worried about starting co sleeping when she has previously settled back to sleep after a feed in her cot. But with dh's love of uninterrupted sleep he has encouraged me to bring her in with us.
Now she's bigger I find I can sleep comfortably with her and love having her in with me for a good cuddle. I'm now finally getting a decent amount of sleep.
With our bed against the wall dh and I can comfortably share our standard double with her.
So nice to find this thread, before whatever wrecked her sleep (feeding advice, teething, developmental leap?) We were considering moving to her own room but she'll be staying put now!
Was worried I was in danger of breaking my baby but this is all very reassuring and we're going to go with the flow, bringing her in from first waking.

[TheYamiOfYawn]

Just read my earlier post. Oh, lord, the typo shame. Sorry.

[Dorisday13]

Thank you yami that's so reassuring

[gruber]

fflonkl I can count on my fingers the number of times DS has fallen asleep in his pram! He has slept in his cot once (1 hour nap never repeated!) Right now he's asleep in my arms. Usually all daytime sleeps in the sling or someone's arms... You are not alone!!

[bronzekitten]

Our little monkey (14 months next weekend) has always been quite a good sleeper, and has been happy in his cot in his own room. The last two weeks he has started waking between 3.30 and 5am, crying and distressed. I have taken him into the spare bed, and he has gone straight back to sleep, and I love it. I don't have to wake up properly and we both go straight back to sleep until he wakes around 8-9am. My OH and I had a huge row about this last week, he said our boy should be able to get himself back to sleep and we will make him clingy and not want to sleep on his own. (Although he does get up and do the same if I am working!) He goes to bed fine but just won't go back if he wakes, I guess I'm just after some reassurance really!!

[alikat724]

This from "Attachment Parenting International" (not sure if the link will work on phone!):
www.attachmentparenting.org/support/articles/artbenefitscosleep.php
Great article, the upshot of which is:
"Co-sleeping families tend not to see things in terms of habits that need to be broken, but as patterns that can be established, but that continually evolve and change. For co-sleeping families, laying the foundation for security and closeness takes precedence over early independence."

[alikat724]

Oops - post too soon! Basically it says that children who are supported and comforted as infants, be that because of cosleeping or other various nurturing behaviours, become more secure, affectionate, confident and happy individuals, and parents are more in tune with their children's needs. The causality isn't precise, but the results are undeniable.

[Dorisday13]

I know it's lovely and has great benefits but we keep waking our baby up accidentally! So maybe it's time for a move

[Dorisday13]

Hi cosleepers!
Just wondering if anyone was using a bed on the floor at the moment? I'm thinking about doing this soon due to lo becoming mobile!! Eek! If you do is your room baby proofed? And are plug sockets etc an issue if lo can get out of bed? Hope everyone's well and enjoying their night time snuggles x

[Dorisday13]

Can I also ask how you deal with people/friends/family who criticise you for cosleeping? I've had some odd and critical comments recently and been a bit upset by them

[bytheseaside]

hey Doris I'm thinking the same things re bed on floor - maybe, or LOADS of cushions / pillows (would that even be safe?), haven't even thought about childproofing yet.

Re criticism, this happens a lot for me too - people assuming I cosleep because I am daft / have no parenting skills / making rod for back etc etc. I try to explain why we do it politely (saving sanity / helps us all get much more sleep / attachmenty parenting) then fume in later, and privately judge them for letting their own kids CIO Why on earth do people think its their business, or that their particular brand of sleep training is the only/right way? Or that my baby is like their baby? can you tell this annoys me a bit?

Sorry for absence - I start this thread, then can't keep up as I cosleep and have no evenings with hands free to type ... going to try to catch up with reading thread later.

[NutsinMay]

Yes still part co-sleeping with DD2 after 2 years. Co slept with first DD for about a year, then when she moved to a bed she came in part way through the night.

I'm pretty tired now as my sleep has been interupted for more than 5 years and I've not shared a bed with DH for about 3 years.

[Andcake]

The only people I get criticism from is my parents. Mil and my friends think its fine and in some cases lovely. Recently my mum told me that she was worried ds would be too attached to me become one of those strange loners who become a killer!!!

At the time I just quoted an article which said that co-sleeping cultures have lower rates of suicide and depression. My dad then said what was the relevance of that to which I responded that I didn't want ds to commit suicide (bare in mind he is currently only 10 months old) luckily my brother stepped in and said 'well you can't argue with that'' just bizarre the whole conversation!
I think I felt I had to answer with a big picture thing as the 'we all get more sleep argument seemed trivial to her comment'.

The whole too attached to me thing is also crazy - he is small, a much longed for child and also my DP is a stay at home dad whilst I work. Ahhhhh bloody interfering. But now I can't get my mums comment out my head, of course.

[Dorisday13]

Wow I haven't had that comment yet! I had a ''she'll get attached to you'' to which I replied 'I want her to be attached to me!!' Followed by a 'you'll be one of those parents who send them to school with a dummy and a bottle like a baby' ok WTF! Firstly she's never had a bottle (ok once) and never ever had a dummy and she's only 7mo!! Bizarre!

I was a bit raw by then when someone else said 'how's your marriage?!'

[Andcake]

Yes he loaded 'relationship/ marriage' question. I had something similar from a woman at a baby group about what I'd my DP think. So loaded to how do you have sex. I just smiled and said rather bluntly 'great- all you need is a little imagination' shut her up. I admit its not easy but If you can talk about it as a couple you can find a way - they seem to think only men worry about that side of things

[somewherebecomingrain]

Really interesting. My sis was first of our generation to have a baby and she coslept. I was quite disapproving! I now regret that.

Children become serial killers through predisposition coupled with violent sadistic abuse. Cosleeping probably prevents a few serial killers!

Those parents are confusing it with something sexual, which obviously would be terrible. I've had therapy and even some therapists hold this view - or that it is symbolically blocking the marital relationship. It's certainly not sexual - anymore than sleeping with a mega cute puppy or kitten would be sexual. Or, hey, breastfeeding - shall we stop that?And exhaustion is far worse for the sex life than the logistical challenge of sleeping in seperate beds.

I've got a bed bumper for 10 quid from amazon even tho baby only 11weeks. It's made of foam and sort of locks itself into place under the sheet. Hope this will do when dd gets mobile. It's about 10 cm high.

[bytheseaside]

Interesting perspective - I hadn't thought about the public service we are performing - 'cosleep - stop crime'! andcake do you have a link to that article

somewhere I didn't consider that some of the negative responses could be about people feeling that babies shouldn't be in a marital bed, i.e. a sexual space. hmm. I imagine most marital beds in households with babies are mainly about desperately trying to get some sleep. That's quite creepy and offensive. Oh, Mr Freud has a lot to answer for. Mind you, before I bf, I think I felt it might be somehow weird, without really thinking through why I thought this. Turns out it isn't, its just really instinctive, like cuddling up with sleeping baby so they stay asleep. Of course, lots of people are feel directly threatened just by parenting choices different to their own - I know I'm guilty of this too - ok, I'm choosing attachment, confidence, security for my baby, but what if I put her future independence at risk etc etc.

I really love the idea that cosleeping can help when mums go back to work. I have this looming and would do anything to minimise dd's distress (and mine) and also maintain our bond, it made me feel a lot better to read that. Its also helped me to read your stories of how cosleeping can naturally come to an end when LO is ready - I'm conflicted really, as I really would like our bed back at some stage!

[Tooawesomeforausername]

I'll join if that's ok?

I have co-slept with all 3 DC's, currently with DT (2) I have tried to settle them all in a cot, as I have been criticised from pretty much all friends and family, but the kids are happy, and I got more sleep in the early days.

DT has asked to sleep in her own bed a few times, but worry about her getting up continually and waking her DB in the night, should I just follow her lead and let her? What ages have your DC's relocated to there own beds?
My DD1 was co sleeping untill she was 6, and was told of by a teacher for it

[somewherebecomingrain]

Hi yes my ds now sleeps all night in his own bed aged4.5. The tipping point was grandma bought him a new duvet and new funky dinosaur bed linen.

[Andcake]

Hi all hoe everyone is sleeping well.
I think some of my comments have been misconstrued or mixed up. But at be I'm wrong. I'm French typing/reading whist doing ther things.
1, My mums mad comment about me turning ds into a mummy's boy who grows up a murderous loner had no sexual Connotations it was more about over attachment. Ill dig out the article i used as a come back about the reduction in suicide rates/depression in cosleeping cultures. I'm sure it was on the guardian but I can't find it now

2, I think the sexual thing is that Having a baby in your bed stops the parents having sex- which can damage your relationship. Or piss a DP off. And I think a few of us have had comments from people suggesting well ruin our relationships by doing this. I must admit the lack of opportunity for sex is the only downside I can see with cosleeping. But my ds is now 10 mo. but like all things in a relationship this should be discussed. But with a creative thinking you can still have a sex life. Eg last weekend after ds had fallen asleep in his buggy wheeled him back home parked him in earshot and jumped into bed it also means night is reserved for sleep but one has at least now quickie a week.

[FreeButtonBee]

Another with twins about to properly go down the co-sleeping route.

Babies were sleeping quite well in their cots up to about 16 weeks then everything went to hell. After 4 weeks of very little sleep for all 4 of us, DH slept in the spare room last night and I had babies in with me. Apart from a brief hour at 2am when both woke, I pretty much slept most of the night! For the first time in ages!

Other twinsmums, how do you work logistics? I would be a bit gutted if DH is kicked out for long but can't see how I can have all of in the bed/not have one baby in the middle.

[Munxx]

Gosh I could have written this OP!

I am co sleeping with my 9.5mo DS. He slept with 3-4 wake ups in his Moses basket until 4 months and then has never done it since.

I have ordered a bed rail as he is wriggling around a lot now.

The bit I struggle with is 7-10pm. My daughter goes to bed at 7 and DS requires a very long feed and then sleeps on me until I go to bed. So I'm trapped! Any advice? I don't believe in CC (personal choice, not a judgement on anyone else's style).

[bytheseaside]

andcake the sexual connotations was something somewhere mentioned she had come across from therapists (btw somewhere - I meant that the idea was creepy and offensive not that you were! )

freebuttonbee hmmm a tough one - I'm not sure how I would do that - DH in spare room most likely like you, or bring an extra bed in our room maybe. I imagine the benefits of more sleep are even more imperative with twins

munxx if you find a solution, please tell me ...

DD has a cold, so lots of loud snuffling and constant nighttime dream-feeding for me - won't even do the semi-independent daytime napping like she usually does - darn it. days like this cosleeping certainly doesn't seem easier.

[Dorisday13]

Munxx we either put dd down at 7 (feed or rock to sleep) on a mattress on nursery floor or put her in the sling until we go to bed.

I read on here someone with twins had an armsreach bassinet and would rotate the babies in and out, 1 in bed and 1 in the bassinet then swap them over to make it fair...

X

[Andcake]

THats ok bytheseaside
The 7-10 bit is tricky. But we sidecar our cot so their is a rail at the side top and bottom of ds iykwim- but typically he only ever moves one way! So we put lots of pillows around and keep the monitor up high. He hasn't fallen out yet.