He won’t finish inside

[LMou]

I’m sorry if this is TMI but I’m at the end of my tether.

My DP will not finish inside me. I hate that he won’t. I’ve asked him to do it and rarely he does. Last night I asked him as he was about to finish and he said no.

I get that I can’t force him to do anything he doesn’t want to do but for me it takes away most of my feeling of being connected to him.

He always wants to finish in my mouth, so I can never relax into it, as I know I’m going to have to hurriedly change positions at the end.

When I try to talk to him about it, he tells me that he is ‘visual’ and likes to see it. Fine but my preferences are always totally ignored.

I am on a very reliable form of contraception and he says it wouldn’t be the end of the world if I got pregnant so I don’t know what the problem is with just occasionally indulging my preference for what I view as a more romantic ending.

Am I dealing with a lost cause here? Does anyone have any tips for how to approach this with him again?

Thanks for reading.

[Boopeedoop]

Lmou, I hope you are ok. You deserve better.

[LMou]

Thanks again everyone. I had a discussion with him earlier in the week and told him that I wanted a bit of a break.

[DrMorbius]

Op there is sex in a loving relationship. Where mutual pleasure and connection is foundation. Obviously at times in can be introverted or one sided but generally it's a mutual thing.
Then there is sex for one, using a female body. I wish I could underline the word "using", because that is what it is. The woman is just the tool to provide the pleasure. Even better if the pleasure for the man is at no/little pleasure for the woman. We (men) are all aware that 99.9% of women really don't get any pleasure from swallowing our jizz. Making you do this every time is all about him having the power over you. The power of sexual release, while you are having no pleasure in that particular aspect. It doesn't surprise that you say he would have BJ's only if he could. This is because he is deriving pleasure from "using" you for his sexual release while not reciprocating for you.

Same really can be said with the desire for anal. It is largely driven by a power thing. Although not for absolutely everyone.

The plain truth is that at point of orgasm - mouth, vagina or anus makes no difference. The only difference is mentally.

[ManOfKent]

Wow, even to me as a man this is shocking behaviour!
At first read there are some elements that I maybe understood: coming inside my other half can be less fulfilling than with her hand or mine, simply due to lack of friction/lubrication. Also my OH does love to see me come, and I love her seeing it.
BUT.... this guy is absolutely abusing you and needs a kick up the arse. He's thoughtless, disrespectful and uncaring. You don't like him, so there's no chance you love him, and he certainly doesn't love you - and he's not even caring to make YOU come!!!
Please get away from this control freak and find what YOU want in life.
Just out of interest: I've enjoyed relationships with 6 beautiful women, and only two even let/wanted me to come in their mouthes, so good luck to your mid 40's guy who thinks he can replace you overnight. He can't, Bin him.

[Otterhound]

He is selfish and perhaps over indulged. There is no way my partner would ever consider it and if i pushed her I’d get told to fuck off in no uncertain terms!

[TooTrueToBeGood]

I would find this very worrying and my concern would be that it's a warning sign you would be foolish to ignore.

First, as has been mentioned already, it sounds suspiciously like something inspired by porn. The problem with that is that porn has a strong tendency to be misogynistic and if he's getting this influence from it, without applying his own filters, what else does the future hold for you?

Second, it just smacks of him using you with no regard whatsoever for your feelings, wants or needs. He simply does not respect you. My wife and I both do oral pretty much all the time. I know she doesn't mind me coming in her mouth but I assume it is not something that in and of itself she enjoys for the pure pleasure of swallowing my cum. I always let her know when I'm at the crucial point and that gives her the opportunity to decide if she wants me to finish in her mouth or not. To me that is just basic respect for her.

Let's keep it simple though. If your partner persists in doing something sexually that that you don't like and that concerns you to the point of starting a thread it's probably a good indication he is not the one for you.

[Quartz2208]

Then surely that should be enough to reconsider it
Not only does it seem that he doesn’t meet your needs he has no desire to either
Do you have kids/live together

This is very much not part of a normal sexual relationship

[LMou]

@Quartz2208 I am sad to say that I don’t think he meets my needs.

[Quartz2208]

what about your needs though OP - does he ever meet them. Sex should not be about one persons need trumping the other is should be about meeting the needs of both

[LMou]

@Quartz2208 I’m not 100% sure what he would do. I’ve never really refused quite forcefully. On Friday I just kind of said no quietly but didn’t turn around. So I’m not sure if he even realised that I had refused.

I’m going to start refusing loudly each and every time until he starts being more considerate. If he doesn’t get the message, I will reconsider the relationship.

Thanks again everyone

[Quartz2208]

This is really awful OP he doesnt care about your needs and it sexually abusive

What would happen if you refused?

[Al203]

Your sex life is toxic. When he cannot get from you what he wants anymore he will graduate to prostitutes to fulfil his porn- controlled version of reality.

[MrsMiggins37]

He sounds fucking awful. Ejaculating into the mouth is fine if mutually accepted but not being dictated to like this and his reasoning is frankly narcissistic.

[Msgiggles30]

I have the same issue but it comes from the pregnancy angle I think. However he will just finish wherever depending on position e.g. bum, belly etc so I dont mind too much as dont need to move. The mouth thing would really turn me off :(

[notenoughbottletonight]

My DP is the same, we haven't sex regularly for ages anyway - long story, but in two years of knowing him I'd say he's finished in me twice 🙄 he says he does prefer me to finish him with a bj but he has always been the same with others and it stems from his fear of getting someone pregnant. This is despite the fact I have an IUD, I think he's just conditioned himself to be like this now.

[nexttimeclock]

You know those Barbie makeup heads that you can practice makeup on! Maybe consider getting him one of those, because the way he's behaving is as childish as that.

What a passion killer, I can imaging how the conversation when and the amount of mantrum-ness that occured.

You're right every single time is a bit beyond the pale, he's lucky to find someone who will indulge, many would flatly say no.

It's the bit where he doesn't realise that there is sexual karma and that at some point he won't have anyone to indulge him.

[LMou]

@simonjt - thanks. We’ve been together for years and he has literally finished inside me no more than 10 times.

He unashamedly admits that he would do it in my mouth every single time and never get bored. He doesn’t listen to me when I try to make suggestions about how to improve things.

[SimonJT]

Yes, but it has to be at a frequency that works for you, and when it’s a no he shouldn’t be an arse about it. I like it too, but if he says no I wouldn’t dream of sulking or being unpleasant, thats a really horrible thing to do.

[LMou]

@simonjt I’m absolutely fine with indulging him given that he gets pleasure from the visual aspect of it. However, every single time is becoming too much.

My wants and preferences are completely ignored. To the point where he is arguing with me that he wants to come in my mouth mid shag when I’d asked him to do it inside me.

[SimonJT]

If he likes to see himself cum fair enough, but that doesn’t mean he needs to cum in your mouth, he should also dislike something that makes you feel uncomfortable. If it was about the visual finishing himself off would do.

I’m pro finishing inside, as is the person I am having sex with, if that wasn’t the case it would be something I insisted on, we would work something out that we both wanted.

[nexttimeclock]

So he likes to compare you to his previous partner, where you have no ability to confirm the truth of his statement.

Ummmm! That's not good

Of course we know the reaction if you were to tell him how much you enjoyed being flooded by your ex. Big moods and sulks all round

[LMou]

@arnoldthecat - He says it’s not fear of pregnancy. His excuse is that he likes to see himself come. He also has said that in the past he has become used to finishing in his partner’s mouth and a habit has formed.

However, I don’t want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t really want to connect with me.

[Arnoldthecat]

This just is not normal. I wonder if there is a lack of emotional connection? Most men i think would much prefer the closeness of orgasm inside their partner. I know you mentioned contraception but could it really be fear of pregnancy with a psychological link to commitment phobia??

[Fucksandflowers]

Gosh.
I think if he likes finishing in your mouth that is absolutely fine but it is really selfish I think to want that all all the time and even worse to actually refuse when asked.
Sex is meant to be a two way thing.

[disneyspendingmoney]

You've got no obligations to him, you don't live together, it's been getting worse, and you are bothered. The only thing left is to work out when you want to extricate yourself and find someone better to chillax with.