Dh's wanking habits

[BummyMummy77]

Let me preface this with making it clear I have no repressed issues regarding dh having the odd hand shandy before I get an onslaught of martial advice insults.

So when I'm away with ds anywhere, I always come back to dh's soggy, crusty tissues, boxers, t shirts on his side of the bed. I thought it was kind of funny, kind of gross and kind of disrespectful but I'm sure I do plenty of irritating things too. Nobody is perfect. actually I don't and I am.

Coming back today from a night away with ds who's 2.5 and sleeps in the same room as us I am annoyed. And a bit disgusted. Next to ds's bed where dh clearly slept (it is a lot more comfortable than ours to be fair) is a LOT of crusty, spunky tissues.

Aibu to think this is pretty nasty as ds could, and did get hold of them before I noticed and because he did it in ds's bed?

Am I being silly being pissed off about it? It's pretty fucking rude to just leave it there too for me to pick up like Dobby the fucking jizz elf I'm thinking.

I don't think I'm particularly prudish but maybe I am!

[HuskyLover1]

Yes, it's grim. Very odd he would just leave that for you to find.

I think it's time to get the toddler out of your bedroom. That can't be helping with your sex life in general.

[2ManySweets]

This sounds extremely similar to the end of my marriage but thankfully we didn't have kids.

I truly wish you the best but he's certainly checked out for now. I hope that you can retrieve things. Good luck OP.

[CalleighDoodle]

If you cant and wont tolerate lies, then thats easier as decision made.

[BummyMummy77]

Right. I think he liked the thought of me not knowing and the actual lying part.

She's an ex model and married to a billionaire so I'd be very surprised if she were interested lol.

I don't know what to do. Lying is the one thing I can't and won't tolerate.

And he didn't feel guilty and own up, he got found out. So I'm betting there's other lies I haven't found out.

[HarryPottersMagicWand]

What a prick. He really seeks to have no respect for you at all OP. I have no time for liars, none at all. I cannot stand it.

Why would he lie? Unless it was because he was up to something.

[CalleighDoodle]

So he has absolutely
Zero respect for you. Whats your next move?

[BummyMummy77]

By that I mean we aren't speaking at all and I'm thinking of options.

He's lied before and it's really been a problem but lying in respect to a woman seems so much worse. Her kids were there too and her husband knew she was there so I really don't think anything happened but that's not the point. I think he got off on the secrecy or something.

[BummyMummy77]

Things have not got better I'm afraid.

Yesterday he lied about being out with his female boss all day.

As I'm several times he told me he was taking the kids he works for fishing and I asked him a few times who was going and he said "just me and xx".

When they were out all day he ignored my texts and calls which I though was odd and when he got home (I'd since been told he was actually out with his female boss who he has the hots for big time too) he again said just him and the kids.

Anyway long and short, I don't think he was actually up to anything but why the lying? We're not in a happy place right now. That and the wanking business and I'm struggling to like him very much.

[2ManySweets]

Let me make something clear, I'm not precious in any way, but when the spunk rags appeared for me to clear up that felt like the first knife going in.

The wanking away in bed beside me, with no care if I was awake and in an atmosphere of general hatred was the second and most painful. It really illustrated just how few shits he gave anymore about how it would make me feel.

Anyway, I digress. Hope you are ok, OP.

[ABloodyDifficultWoman]

Actually 2Many is right. I was possibly a little harsh before - although I still think what you did was disgusting - but you do come across as eloquent and funny. Are you sure this is the guy you want to spend the rest of your life with?

[heyday]

Buy a great big bin and put it on his side of the bed with a huge sign in capital letters stating exactly what needs to go in it.

[2ManySweets]

Ps: don't minimise your unhappiness by trying to be "down with things" or use your evident talent for humour to cloud the matter at heart.

I'm giving you an unmumsnetty hug.

[2ManySweets]

Serious question:

Does he actually respect you?

The only reason I ask is because my XH never left a spunky Andrex/sock out for me to find until 18months before our marriage folded.

That and opting out of all housework, using me as an emotional punchbag and the best one - wanking away in bed when he thought I may be sleeping.

All joking aside this could be indicative of an underlying issue. When the respect goes in a relationship it's serious.

I'm not even going to go into the "doing it in your child's bed" thing. No wonder you are genuinely upset. Jizz jokes aside, I don't blame you for wanting to cry. A lot.

[MammaTJ]

that's what's going to happen cock knocker.

OP, you have a lovely turn of phrase!

He is disrespectful, but you are hilarious!

[broadswordcallingdannyboy]

It seems we now need Dobbytheshittyelf...

[BummyMummy77]

I hadn't even thought of that to be honest. There's been so many other things going on the fertility problems are just a kind of constant background horrible thing.

So that's entirely possible.

It's also pretty much entirely assumed by everyone that I'm the problem due to being older and having had a couple of miscarriages so that probably doesn't help my outlook in that area.

I've finally got dh to agree to bein tested himself ( getting him to actually do it may take another few years) and it probably is me but still.

[PollyBanana]

Bummy I hope I'm not being insenstive -do you think your reasonable reaction to the spunky tissues was tipped over into unreasonable (shitty nappy) because of your fertility issues?
I found it difficult when DH and I were having investigations / treatment as I seemed to have all the unpleasant stuff- cameras through my navel, 18 inch needles up my chuff, and all he needed to do was wank on demand which is hardly a chore.

[BummyMummy77]

Breaking not breakin'.

[BummyMummy77]

And for those who said they find my humour strange, that's how I deal with things. We're all different. I joked my way through a miscarriage because it was the only way I'd get through it without utterly breakin down.

Don't be so quick to judge just because others don't act in the same way you do.

[BummyMummy77]

Ohwot- I've obviously apologised profusely for what I did and I think his apology for what he did is heartfelt.

It's all a very long story but the short of it is that off the back of some horrible events I'm with ds 24/7 as he's working 15+ hours seven days a week for a few months.

And I have no friends or family around as they're all far away.

So all of this is probably an explanation for both of ours behaviours if not an excuse. We're both stressed and exhausted and trying to keep up the cheerful front for ds and it's clearly taking it's toll.

I've told him we need to make some changes as I feel like I'm heading for some kind of breakdown. Short of upping sticks and moving I can't see what they'd be though.

[Purplebluebird]

Eww! He needs to be told off!

[AthletesFoot]

Not shy is he?!

[CustardCream1]

I didn't say it to make myself feel better but if that is what you want to believe them that's up to you.

[BummyMummy77]

I'm sorry you've had a bad time also. And if it makes you feel better to say nasty things to someone you know very little of on the internet then I'm glad you have a way of making yourself feel better.

[OhWotIsItThisTime]

It's ok Bummy, it sounds like you've been having a tough time. Looking forward, how are you going to work this out with your dh?