Did you insist on DCs school or did DC? What happened?

[WorriedDDhasmadewrongchoice]

we had 3 schools and 3 scholarships to choose from.

Without the scholarships we would have agreed with DD’s choice (that we all loved, that she studied for, aimed for and exceeded our and her expectations bu getting a place with an academic scholarship).

these days the scholarships are 5%, a few £100s a term - its an honour more than a financial reward. obviously not nothing and all adds up . As her preferred choice meant we turned down the 2 music places, it made me reconsider the other 2 schools - tried to persuade DD to take a music place. More her than extra academic work. We went back for an extra look at the one that felt the best fit and easiest to get to.

She was adamant where she wanted to be, the one that hadn’t given her music , plenty of music to do and even still chance for an interim music scholarship, also walking distance.

Both single sex, similar sizes. I know we and she are fortunate to have had a choice but I just feel I have let her down because I didn’t consider her being offered music at any school. She is capable on her instrument and enjoys playing it but hasn’t yet taken grade V so really and truly we thought we were just helping her get a place. The offer holders are not that helpful. Tried to speak to the teachers but there must be a certain pressure to encourage parents.

i know that if she isn’t happy she can change and it is important for them to go where they feel right - and i wouldnt want to be resented / blamed but can’t help how I feel. And september is so far away.

[Advent0range]

Omg go to the one in walking distance that she wants to! You were happy for it before scholarships.

DD not loving her school and blames me for moving her. It makes life harder for all of us.

[TeenDivided]

I think in those circumstances, let her choose.
There is a lot to be said for walking distance too!

[WandaWonder]

Our child decided they are the ones that have to attend each day not us

[KalaMush]

Definitely go for the one she loves that's within walking distance!

[Foxesandsquirrels]

If you have one she loves within walking distance than you'd be mad to turn that down unless you're moving.
DD didn't get a choice and she hated me for it in the beginning but it was the best school for her and she had a good 4 years there. I don't agree with letting your 11 year old choose their school at all and think it's a weird MN thing. I think a lot of parents let their kids choose just so they don't get the blame if their kid hates it. I would hate for my DD to start a school, hate it and blame herself. I really don't think an 11 year old has the capacity to understand the gravity of that choice.

[twistyizzy]

Normally I'm very much of the opinion that DC are too young to decide at 11 so parents should make the decision however in your case I would let her go to the school that she wants.

[TeenDivided]

@twistyizzy

Normally I'm very much of the opinion that DC are too young to decide at 11 so parents should make the decision however in your case I would let her go to the school that she wants.

Agree with this.
She is choosing between 3 schools you are happy with. That is very different from a free choice.

[shepherdsangeldelight]

I'd say there is something to be said for not having a music scholarship - what is the child decides in a year or two's time that they don't want to keep playing and wish to pursue different interests? Plus the scholarship would have tied her in to doing specific things at the school - what, for example, if she wanted to play in an orchestra other than the school one? Other than the money, I'm not sure there is a loss from turning down the scholarship.

[StressedMumOf2Girls]

We decided together. We were in between 2 schools really and DD was more than happy to go to both because they were both excellent. The school she's in now was our second preference but she's very happy to be there. And since she's happy, we're happy (and it is an excellent school as I said above so no complaints).

[WorriedDDhasmadewrongchoice]

@WandaWonder

Our child decided they are the ones that have to attend each day not us

Yes - she has said this loud and clear. They are v similar in fact the old deputy head at the one she has chosen is the head of the other one!

both the one she is going to AND the one with hindsight i think we should have chosen are walking distance. The one we have paid the deposit to is less than 10 mins extra. Both through regents park

[WorriedDDhasmadewrongchoice]

@Foxesandsquirrels

If you have one she loves within walking distance than you'd be mad to turn that down unless you're moving.
DD didn't get a choice and she hated me for it in the beginning but it was the best school for her and she had a good 4 years there. I don't agree with letting your 11 year old choose their school at all and think it's a weird MN thing. I think a lot of parents let their kids choose just so they don't get the blame if their kid hates it. I would hate for my DD to start a school, hate it and blame herself. I really don't think an 11 year old has the capacity to understand the gravity of that choice.

exactly this re her carrying the decision. She believes we all agreed on any of the 3 would have been fine - which is true and obviously walking distance 2 had that as an advantage. One is a more religious option as has the cross on the jumper but in practice (i went there!) it is church a few times a term.

i did point out that the academic scholarship, which we didn’t apply for, all are considered - is extra work and compulsory dance isn’t her. So the negatives have been highlighted! She had her reasons which are not all about colour of the uniform and the biscuits 🙄. Eg She is wary of the all the ducks and geese and poo in the park that she would have had to walk through!

[Tiswa]

I believe that within reason of sensible choice it is the 11 year old right to decide. You decided on the 3 reasonable sensible options it is her choice within that.

we had 3 schools nearby one single sex all mixed all within catchment. There were pros and cons to all, each has others going from his school and within thau it was his choice to make as the one he felt most comfortable with.

my daughter did the same - and she will do the same for sixth form between the choices we decided were sensible

[WorriedDDhasmadewrongchoice]

@shepherdsangeldelight

I'd say there is something to be said for not having a music scholarship - what is the child decides in a year or two's time that they don't want to keep playing and wish to pursue different interests? Plus the scholarship would have tied her in to doing specific things at the school - what, for example, if she wanted to play in an orchestra other than the school one? Other than the money, I'm not sure there is a loss from turning down the scholarship.

Yes there is this - compulsory choir instead of debating or whatever other club choir clashes with… i would hate for her to not want to play because she felt she had to. And her friend’s sister who is on a music place at selective state is in this position. It wasn’t the money. The academic is same 5% at the one she has chosen, it is just that if she could have chosen she woukd have chosen music at rhe one she is going to, however she may be awarded this as well - some do have both. The thing is the school she is going to is not, by reputation, as academic even though the GCSE results last year were exactly the same % for 7,8,9s.

and of course we didn’t make a decision based on the league tables as the key factors ie friendships and right teacher for your child you have no control over

[WorriedDDhasmadewrongchoice]

I suppose that some schools are better at the open days, offer holders , the head is particularly good at speaking, you have lovely kids showing around etc and whilst all this is helpful it isn’t the whole story… i disliked the music school because it felt so so crowded at the open day (when i was there had 2 forms , now 4) and the sixth form is off site - maybe good for them but shame for the younger girls that the older ones aren’t visibly part of the school). If DD stays on in a school setting she would probably want to be involved in the school.

i was focused on the school we choose but feel i wasn’t fair to the other one. This was me just trying to manage the situation. Had a headmaster didn’t like when we first went but now a newish head mistress who feels a much better fit.

she is at a state primary which we love , but perhaps a prep would have guided her and us to possibly the same decision!

anyway, i will come back update in the autumn. Thank you for responding.