How do you call the headmaster in email?

[gcsepanicmum]

I had to write an email to the headmaster. I wrote 'Dear Mr xxxx' and signed my full name. He replied to me 'Dear (my first name) and signed his first name. Should I take it as an invitation to call him by his first name or should I stick to the initial form I used which will be 'Mr xxxx'?

He didn't say, 'call me (his first name)' so I feel it's a bit too cheeky of me to jump into following his suit. I wouldn't like to sound too cold, but I would like to sound as polite as possible. We are discussing some issues at school.

I need to write a reply soon. Can anyone give me advice, please? I really appreciated it.

[Milomonster]

This is such a quagmire of an issue and I never get it correct. I’ve emailed the Head as Mr X and also his first name and then reverted. What irks me more is how I’m addressed. I never changed my surname, am divorced (informed school) and go by my professional title. I’ve had Mrs ex’s surname, Dr ex’s surname, Ms my surname, Mrs my surname, Dr my surname. It is the only context anyone refers to me as Mrs/Ms and I just want to be adreased as Milominster. And now I realize I’ve just emailed a teacher Miss new married surname, not realizing she was previously known by her maiden name until DS pointed it out. I think adults should address each other by their first names unless it’s inappropriate to do so.

[Sailingtelltales]

I always addressed my child’s junior school headmaster by his title and surname, even though we obviously know eachother as parent/teacher and I have volunteered in school. It’s just a respect thing, and I’m old fashioned with stuff like that!

He will always address me as Dear Sailingtelltales and sign off with his first name however.

When in doubt, always defer to tradition. You’ll be advised if the recipient thinks it’s too formal by how they address you in return.

[unmarkedbythat]

I generally start with Mr/ Ms XX and if they address me by first name and sign off by first name switch to that if I feel comfortable doing so. Continuing with Mr/ Ms XX is perfectly polite and fine though.

[Nicknamegoeshere]

*or not of

[Nicknamegoeshere]

I use Mr/Mrs of Miss (if I know that's the title they use) or Ms if I don't know.

I always sign off with my first and last name.

However, interestingly they often reply with Dear Mrs xxxxx despite knowing I am divorced and my last name is not the same as my son! I really don't like being called Mrs!! Mrs xxxxx is my mum!!

[gcsepanicmum]

Oh well, I've sent out already...

[2gorgeousboys]

I am Chair of Governors at DS2's school so use Mr/Mrs when emailing school as a parent and first names when as a governor. Helps to differentiate different hats!

[AndNoneForGretchenWieners]

I used to use Mr or Mrs when writing to a teacher and I can't quite put my finger on why. Mind you I find myself unable to call former teachers of my own anything other than eg Mrs Davies or Mrs H, despite being in my 40s and them finding it quite funny. I have a few former teachers on Facebook and it doesn't feel right to call them Sheila or Geraldine!

[Comefromaway]

I would use Dear Mr and sign myself off as Mrs. I find it quite dis-respectful that he has addressed you by your first name.

[gcsepanicmum]

I get what you mean. The content of the email is rather serious. I wouldn't like to come across I am complaining though. I would like him to interrupt it that I am looking for a solution together with the school. So calling him by his first name might add a balance and soften the overall tone in a positive way. I think.

[Streamingbannersofdawn]

It depends what your email was about.

If you are making a complaint or are writing about something serious using your first name could be a way to downplay what you are saying..."look we are all friends here"...

I think too much.

[gcsepanicmum]

MoriaNotRuby, aww, thanks. I wish I could disable my panic button.

I tend to feel awkward to call someone who I am supposed to show respect (so basically anyone in a teaching position) by their first name. However I call the other members of school staff by their first name, just because that's how we started under the previous leadership. It might be slightly odd to single him out by persistently calling him with his title. So I would go with his first name this time.

Thanks for the advice, everyone.

[MoiraNotRuby]

I would reply with Hello Dave, thanks bla bla bla

Good luck for your GCSE child, I panic on and off too

[pastandpresent]

I just go with whatever is comfortable to me. I don't feel comfortable addressing a teacher with their first name. Some people seems ok with it, but I am not. So even the message is addressed to my first name, I still use mrs/mr.

[SilkieRabbits]

I always used Mr whatever term he used which varied between full name, first name, first initial or his initial and some kisses one time (think he'ld been drinking). Just keeps it professional.

Though if he has signed off with his first name its up to you and either is fine.

[CeeceeBloomingdale]

The school default is to use titles for teachers and parents. I know the head teacher well as I'm on the PTA so we use first names in emails and conversation unless there are children around and we revert to titles and surnames.

[WitchesSpelleas]

If in doubt, I always go with the more formal option.

[Hardbackwriter]

@katy1213

It's rude and unprofessional of him to have called you by your first name without invitation. If it bothers you, pull him up on it. If it doesn't, you need have no compunction about calling him Dave.
Hate this fake palliness though.

If she signed off 'Jessica Jones' then I think that is invitation - if you want to be called 'Ms Jones' then that's how you should sign yourself. And I don't really understand why two adults would ever address each other using their titles - and in my experience it's increasingly rare that they do.

[teezletangler]

He signed off with his first name, of course you should use his first name. It would be weird not to. You're both adults for goodness' sake.

DH is a teacher and emails with parents every day. He quibbles over these things too, but he really dislikes it when people persist in being formal.

[Ericaequites]

I had graduated from high school twenty years ago, and ran into a former teacher at a Quaker convention. I called her Miss X. She replied, “I’m Mrs. Y now, but you should call me Connie.”
It’s sometimes hard to use first names with authority figures.
Use the head’s first name because that’s how he referred to himself.

[katy1213]

It's rude and unprofessional of him to have called you by your first name without invitation. If it bothers you, pull him up on it. If it doesn't, you need have no compunction about calling him Dave.
Hate this fake palliness though.

[Constance1]

Definitely use his first name - why wouldn't you when he is using yours and he has signed off with his first name. You are not one of his pupils, you can just correspond adult to adult surely?

[gcsepanicmum]

Sorry for the typo. 'Half of me feeling...'

[gcsepanicmum]

I would normally carry on Mr Surname. However, when my DC joined the school I was told they would call each other by first name with everyone. Apparently it's their way of showing everyone was equal. A problem is the leadership has changed twice since then and each time the system changed quite a bit so I am not sure if the thing is still there. I thought about it when I wrote my first email. But I felt a bit awkward to sound so friendly when I didn't know him very well. So I called him Mr Surname. But now he calls me by my first name and signed off with his first name. So half of me wanting to stick to my usual safer, more polite form, but half of feel it might come across rude not to follow his suit.

[Hardbackwriter]

I actually think it's slightly rude not to use the way someone has signed themselves, so I would follow his suit and use his first name. The only reason I wouldn't is if I wanted to make a point that I wanted to be called by my title and surname, in which case I'd use that for him and sign myself off in that way. But I think that would always come off as a deliberate snub, so I'd only do it if I intended it as such!