Any advice re screen time fir year 11s and how to keep the noses of lazy but bright kids to the grindstone without making them stressed about GCSEs? [Edited by MNHQ at OP's request]

[OneHamm3r]

Just that really. Dreading this year and could go with some advice on how to handle it all.

[Comefromaway]

often he isn;t actually on social media etc in the evenings before bed, he is usually playing the piano or composing (though he does use a mac for that) But he won't go to bed without his phone.

[Drabarni]

If you haven't got a good common space you can still monitor what they are doing but it takes a lot of effort until you trust they will do it.

What helps me is to send them away to do a certain thing on their timetable, so if it's homework you see the actual questions. if revision you see the actual revision aids or apps, ask them to show you when they have finished that task.
If there are several tasks repeat the above.

In other words the more you become involved the more they have to and it sets a precedence of what you/teachers find acceptable.
Ditto to only allowing laptop when they need it, so if they do a Maths app they need to show you the results they achieve.

When they know they'll only get screen time/ any other leisure activity when they have done enough work, they soon knuckle down.

[Drabarni]

Forgot to explain, this is my 3rd time now, all needed directing because of outside influences. If it isn't screen time it will be something else.
Good luck.

[LoveGrowsWhere]

Comefrom that must have been distressing for all of you.

[Comefromaway]

The PDA makes it a bit more complicated. If I ask ds to do something he goes into a state of anxiety. If I tell him to do a particular question in a work book, he just sits staring at it, getting angrier and more anxious.

[MaidenMotherCrone]

Not smug at all. Surprised by the fact that 15 year olds are not expected to take some responsibility for what they hope to achieve.

How do you think he will get on at University when there isn't someone pushing him to do study?

Let him find out the hard way. It's a very valuable lesson.

[Drabarni]

Being a pain again but can someone link to the other support thread, I keep losing it, and I will "watch" it in future.

[TeenPlusTwenties]

Teen brains mature at different rates.
Teens have different personalities.

These two things merge so that in GCSE year you may have a mature, self regulating, hardworking teen who can be lest to get on with it, or you have a teen who needs more support and rules because they won't have 'caught up' for another year or 2.

There is no point talking about how someone will get on at university if you hand hold them age 15, if by not hand holding the screw up their GCSEs and lose the opportunity for A levels and university.

Whereas if you support (if needed) through GCSEs and then let go in the first year of 6th form, they have a year 'spare' where they can retake and restart, so the risk is imo much less.

[TeenPlusTwenties]

Drabarni www.mumsnet.com/Talk/secondary/3626184-Starting-Yr11-Gcses-2020-Support-Thread-Edited-at-OPs-request

[Drabarni]

Thank you very much, have saved it now.

Comefromaway

I can't imagine how difficult it must be for your family, my dd has a set of issues but not to the extent of your ds. It's scary when they do a runner though, we've been known to lock doors and windows when the running away was late at night.
With mine it's stress related but also Aspergers.
We have started the first week well, regular calls and hopefully some revision cards to show at the weekend. I'm not holding my breathe for the latter.
If you visit Salford Uni let me know if you have time and we can meet up.

[Comefromaway]

Teen brains mature at different rates.
Teens have different personalities.

Absolutely. Emotionally ds has always been around 2-3 years younger than his actual age. So it's like asking a 12/13 year old to go through the stress of GCSE's. He will catch up and academically he is very capable (especially in the subject area he hyper focuses on) but his fihjt or flight mechanism is strong.

[Darbs76]

Where do I find the year 11 thread?

[Darbs76]

I leave my ds to regulate himself, he wants 8’s and 9’s and is prepared to work to get them. He does play PS4 but not around exams

[TeenPlusTwenties]

Darbs About 5 posts up from this one.

[megletthesecond]

Marking my place. Mine is only year 8 but I can see him going exactly the same way. Glad I'm not alone.

[Darbs76]

@TeenPlusTwenties - thanks, found it now.

I’m lucky in that my DS will regulate himself - I was surprised so many are regulating their teens quite strictly. But then I fast forwarded my mind to 4yrs from now, my DD. I bet any money if I found this thread in 4yrs time and remembered what I said that I’d be imposing some kind of restriction and revision timetable on my daughter. I an fairly relaxed regarding screen time, I love my phone, and no problems in school. DS is very bright and predicted 8’s and 9’s and if he doesn’t get them it won’t be through lack of trying. He’s started already with revision cards.

Have you bought the revision guides / York notes etc? I found some good prices for all on eBay, used but good condition, £2 /£3 each. At least if they have all the material to help that’s a good start. I think it’s good to start revision from now. DS did one GCSE in year 10 and did so much revision. He lost his grandad in the middle, 2 days before his final GCSE he was burying his grandad. Just 5 months after losing the other (my dad). So been tough.
I think you need to strike a balance - let them have some fun / screen time but also let them set themselves some study / revision timetable

[OneHamm3r]

Great so ds made a list of the subjects he needed to work on and said he was going up to work. An hour and a half later I found him in bed “ working”on his laptop doing the subject he enjoys and gets 90% effortlessly which doesn’t need any attention. Didn’t do any of the other subjects he said he was going to.

Told him he is banned from “working” in bed, that I want a revision timetable completed by Sunday and I want to see notes and what he has done after each session. Same old same old. It seems like a shed load of effort for me and making the whole thing even more pressured.

Not sure I can stand a year of this.

[Comefromaway]

No work from ds tonight but he did make home made soup. Food Tech is currently his worst subject and he’s been down no badly at the practicals at his current school (which is odd as it was one of his best subjects at his old school) so the more practice the better.

[sendsummer]

Onehamm3R what about paper revision guides and later printed exam papers?
Suggest 30 mins at a time working on these (revision timetable set-up each week for number of 30 minute slots and which chapters etc). He can then leave computers and phones downstairs. He can even work on his bed if he wants. . I did most of my revision on my bed from memory.

Then screentime for 10 minutes or so downstairs to relax before another 30 minutes. If you have time you could help by a quiz on the chapter he has done. Or a quiz session with food during the weekend.
Your DS sounds amenable to suggestion which is a real positive even if he finds it difficult to follow-up.

Comefromaway is there something else that your DS enjoys and relaxes him that can be gradually substituted from time spent on his addiction to screens?

[Comefromaway]

Playing the piano and composing music. He’s spent hours on it tonight.

[Drabarni]

OP, you are doing great, at least he was working.
Just be constant the message will soon get through. Just a thought but can you help him identify his weaknesses and sit with him whilst he attempts something he can't do. If you can both manage this just a few times he'll have a bit more confidence to tackle the hard stuff.

[OneHamm3r]

Some really helpful suggestions, many thanks. Don’t feel like I’m doing great as I may have shouted.😬

Might start a thread asking teachers for help re constructing a timetable for revision up to the mocks in Nov and then the real things. I’ve no idea what a revision plan should look like like or modern day techniques.

He came home from school and admitted he got a few 6s in the end of year exams. Was interesting as he said yesterday he didn’t do as well as he should have and it was his fault as due to lack of revision. This kind of made his laissez faire attitude after even more annoying. Anyhow he has to pull up 2 grades in some.< eek> I have given him so many lectures re effort having more of an impact than intelligence.

Ordered two books at £23 a pop. 😩

[sendsummer]

Comefromaway that’s amazing. Has he got a keyboard in his room that he could use if he feels anxious or agitated?

OneHamm laissez faire may just be a front. The further behind I feel the more the tendency to procrastinate and I don’t think I am alone.
The school may be able to give some revision booklets as well as templates for a timetable. £23 is a lot so make sure any new ones are the ones the teacher recommends for the syllabus.
Re where to start with a revision timetable I agree with PP about asking which subjects he finds the hardest and dividing those revision books into time slots. The end of week slots could be spent reviewing the previous week’s material. If it were me, food treats for the end of week quiz would be an incentive
Also agree that initially providing more of a framework could be helpful, quizzing him after a 30 minutes slot on what he has read and establishing what he has found difficult. If you can’t help with his queries get him to write a list to go over with the teacher.

[Fatshedra]

Visiting unis is great imv. Make sure they see any great sports facilities and the clubs available. I think they get a feel for a place and know more if they would fit in.

[lovelyupnorth]

Ours self regulated. GCSEs are just a stepping stone and not really that important as long as you get what you need.

Ours came out with good results. And also realised they could have done better and did push on harder for A levels.

Happy child far more important than exams and piled on stress. Ours didn’t do revision timetables till after Christmas.