Shockingly bad year 10 report

[Fizzalltheway]

So I knew it was going to be bad- but shocked at just how bad it is ! Behaviour is ok but every subject is way below the year average (selective school) I mean every subject ! All say he’s not engaged, has the potential but is very disorganised. We met with headmaster before these reports came out as we were concerned and he has been asked to get up to speed over the summer including taking in revision notes and past papers to prove he’s done it. I can see the battle over the coming weeks ... how do you persuade someone that lip service is no longer going to cut it and real action by then is required without nagging and causing a negative energy for rest of the household.please tell me it’s possible to turn a grade 2 into a 6 in the next year ! I have been trying unsuccessfully since year 7 to get him to start trying - I feel like a failure but equally can’t see what else I can do

[IShouldReallyMindMyOwnBusiness]

Hi,

Just wanted to say, despite the school assessing your son for dyspraxia, you should have a think about this again. The school test is possibly the SENCO watching him work and asking him some questions whereas the referral to an Occupational Therapist includes actual timed activities (writing, fine motor skills, co-ordination etc). Depending on how used your school is to dealing with additional needs (and there is a super-selective near me which has surprisingly - to me- low numbers of students with SEN) there's a chance the assessment by the school just might not be very good. Have a look at what dyspraxia is and if you think it could apply, maybe see your GP instead?

The reason I am saying this is because my yr10 son has been recently diagnosed and a lot of what you are saying chimes with me. TBF, the SENCO conceded that it was something that the school hadn't picked up as he is well behaved and was doing fairly well - despite one of his reports having EVERY teacher say "doing ok, would do better if organisation/presentation improved" or "written work poor but clearly understands as responds well to verbal questions".

As a result of the testing by the Occupational Therapist, he was then referred to a paediatrician (sp?) for a formal diagnosis. Some of the test results were shocking - below first percentile for some and quite frankly, I am so proud of how he's managed with basically no support at all for the first 14 years of his life. The OT also picked up on some physical things too which mean even without dyspraxia, writing would be difficult for him (but I won't go into them as I've mentioned them a lot IRL and would sooner not identify myself or him). The paediatrician is also looking into another condition, which may explain his loss of focus (it's one I'd heard of but would NEVER have associated it with my son). Like your son, teachers often say he doesn't seem engaged - although some seem to think seeming engaged is thrusting your hand in the air shouting "me miss, me miss!" - it's something I have mentioned to the SENCO as I think kids with different needs engage differently but it doesn't mean they're not engaging!

While dyspraxia is not something you can "cure", there are things which now make sense and we can mitigate some things. He's using a laptop for some sessions as his handwriting is so poor and he'll be able to use this for exams too (as one teacher said "I can't mark what I can't read") - obviously there is a limit to how useful this will be for things like maths. The most important thing is that I have been able to gain an insight into how his brain works. I know that he is intelligent and can understand complex concepts. He's got an affinity for maths and the sciences. But he is ALWAYS going to struggle with organisation and presentation. I can encourage him to use the calendar on his phone, set reminders for himself, ask if he wants help creating a revision schedule etc. And when I think he's not working as hard as he could be, I remind myself that actually, he's working differently.

He doesn't struggle with understanding at all - but he does struggle getting his knowledge on to a paper where it can be matched to a marking scheme. He's probably not going to get 9s and 8s in his GCSEs, but hopefully will manage (with support) to gets 7s and 6s - which in some ways seems a shame given how intelligent he actually is (although don't get me wrong if he got those results I KNOW they would be a good set of results in any circumstances - I'm not doing a faux-humble brag) but actually, considering his barriers they would be a triumph.

Sorry for the long post - as mentioned there were some things where I truly related to what you were saying and wanted to give you my experience. We would never have asked for him to get tested for dyspraxia - we just thought he had to make more effort - until someone with experience (not related to the school) mentioned it.

[NewModelArmyMayhem18]

Agree with LenoVentura. Also think that for some not shining in a super academic school is a real shock. Not everyone thrives in such a competitive environment. Also with boys, they are sometimes late to mature and this can massively impact on their understanding of why one might need to work consistently throughout one's senior school years. It does seem to be more of a thing with boys.

[LenoVentura]

DS1 was similar. What motivated him in the end was that he decided which Uni he wanted and what course, worked out exactly what he had to do to get it (and no more ) and did that. A Level results day was the most stressful day of my life, but he had it in hand and got what he wanted, but my god he left it late.

DS2 on the other hand was Mr Perfect at school, but nowhere near as bright as his brother. Very mediocre GCSEs, in fact not really enough to stay on but the school wanted him for other reasons so let him stay. He wanted to stay because he didn't feel ready to leave school at 16. He got even more mediocre A levels, but you know what, he's just graduated with a First in Law. Late developer, tortoise and hare, call it what you want. It's likely he'll get there in the end - hold your nerve.

[probstimeforanewname]

The good thing is that because there's no coursework anymore, what he's done (or rather, not done) in year 10 doesn't matter that much. As long as he gets onto it now, he'll be ok.

And I agree that nagging doesn't work. Even if you take everything away and leave them at a desk with their notes, that doesn't mean they'll do anything other than stare into space. You are either motivated or you are not.

[BogglesGoggles]

If it’s any consolation I recently read my husband’s school reports. In some subjects he wasn’t even given a grade because he didn’t turn up . He has a PhD in a notoriously difficult specialism from what was at the time the best university for that subject. School reports are pretty meaningless.

[Lara53]

Has he had an Educational psychologist assessment done?

[Fizzalltheway]

Thanks everyone he was tested at school a couple of months ago and nothing wrong though they are trying to give him support on organising revision timetables etc. I appreciate it’s like taking a gcse a year early and nicks are in January - disappointing because I’m january exams he got 5s in the subjects he’s got 2s in. Today he has days he going to apply himself - hope it’s nog more lip service. School will want him to stay as it’s £19k a year ! But won’t takd him without 7s in subjects he wants to do and 6s in others - he’s taking 9 ad dropped to double science

[catndogslife]

It is possible that the "being disorganised" is a result of an undiagnosed condition such as dyspraxia. It can often be missed in high achievers.
Are the results real grade 2s based on GCSE grade boundaries and real GCSE papers or are the school using their own papers/ mark-schemes. Some high achieving schools have their own criteria for end of year Y10 exams.
Will there be any mock exams in the Autumn term as these are the ones for final GCSE entries? Usual progress from Y10 to Y11 would be 2 grades increase unless extenuating circumstances e.g. illness/bereavement.
Finally how many GCSEs is your ds taking? Better to have 8 or 9 higher grade GCSEs than 10 or 11 lower ones.
Fortunately the Y10 marks don't count towards the final results in Y11 in any way. But they may have to be declared on sixth form applications which won't look great and unlikely that current school sixth form will offer him a place.

[Mary19]

Has he been screened for Dyslexia, dyspraxia, executive function disorder etc?

[FreeFreesia]

I think up to GCSE you can support by putting a framework in place. Work at a table downstairs, no games screens until x amount done. Some friends DC have found Tassomai or Seneca helpful as a 'playing the game' motivation as progress/scores trackable.

[herculepoirot2]

But nagging can be counter productive. Encouraging and supporting are surely better?

Presumably those strategies have been tried? My kids won’t get GCSEs far below what they are capable of (given a little work!) without hearing about it from me.

[RedSkyLastNight]

Nagging is literally your job, you’re his parent

But nagging can be counter productive. Encouraging and supporting are surely better? And it's not just forcing your child to work that is necessarily the issue, it's making sure they work effectively So sanctions don't really work with school work IME .

(Case in point - my DS spent about 4 hours revising for his end of year 10 Economics exam and got a Grade 1. He is predicted (and should be capable of) a 6 at GCSE. Here it's not time, but quality of what he's doing.)

[Punxsutawney]

I can understand your worries. I also have a year 10 boy. My Ds is currently being assessed for autism. He is at a selective school. Ds is incredibly bright but because of his possible ASD he struggles to see the point in revision. He has already told us that his gcses are pointless as nobody would employ someone like him. Because he has low mood he has no motivation.

We do get frustrated as Ds would be capable of really top grades. Fortunately because he is bright he is still doing reasonably well academically. He won't reach his full potential but the last year has been such a difficult one that we have had a bit of a reality check. Gcses are very important but having seen our child pretty much fall apart, we won't put too much pressure on.

[herculepoirot2]

It’s so tricky isn’t it between letting them messing it up and nagging

Nagging is literally your job, you’re his parent.

[Fizzalltheway]

Thanks everyone
Really useful comments
I have tutor coming who school recommended that doesn’t have specific subject but who is there to inspire and help him organise himself and is only in early twenties so hopeful ds will relate. I’m not expecting all 7s 8s snd 9s but expect him to be able to get a decent bunch as he managed to get into a selective. It’s so tricky isn’t it between letting them messing it up and nagging !

[BarbariansMum]

Well you can't make him study. If he liked the 6th form college then I agree, concentrate on what he needs to get there. Make it clear what his choices are (being endlessly subsidised by you whilst he doses around not being one of them).

Increase his contribution to running the household - if hes not studying then he can more productive in other areas. Also get him thinking about part time jobs -make the expectation that he'll be supporting himself in a few short years really clear. Also gaining some work skills is a better use of his time than farting around, and some people do thrive in a work environment rather than a school one.

If he chooses to study , support him but make it clear it's his choice because it's for his benefit a d it will be his consequences if it doesn't pan out. Dont make this your problem to fix . But - and this is important - dont ruin your relationship over this.

[Namenic]

I’m with @herculepoirot2. No wireless access until work done. But maybe sit with him (if you are able) to do the work (as it can feel v hard if he feels he is the only one in the house ‘working’).

He might do better at btecs etc than a levels? What would he like to do in the long term? With fees as they are, I would be advising ds to only go to uni if he was committed to his subject and willing to work. He could always decide to go later

[RedSkyLastNight]

There also must be a middle ground between selective school that needs 7s for A levels and local sixth form college? DCs school requires 8 Level 4s with 5s in A level subjects (6s in maths and science) to take A levels, and has a great KS4 to KS5 progress value. Your DS might actually do better at a less academic school; is he demotivated because he thinks everyone around him is cleverer than he is?

[Scarydinosaurs]

I think you need to work out what his intrinsic motivation is and work on that. The future is too far away, but if you can build in ‘what do I want in six months time’ then work from there.

Eg
In six months I want to be able to apply for XYZ college to do ABC course, so I need ... grades.

And work out where his gaps in knowledge are- the problem with revision is everyone naturally revises what they’re good at. You need to get out past papers and work out what he doesn’t know- and this will be hard as he doesn’t know what he doesn’t know, as he doesn’t know it 🤣.

But apart from that, you need to let him be the driving force. Offering money as an incentive can actually demotivate children, as they interpret that as ‘you don’t think I can do it’ or ‘you think I’m too stupid to understand why the grades are important within themselves’. The reward is the door that open to the next stage.

And to help him picture that future, definitely take him along to university etc open days in September. If he can see where this is leading, that will help him see the point in what he’s doing now.

Do you have any older cousins/older children of your friends who perhaps used to go to his school and are now at university? Perhaps ask them to write/email him about what they’re doing now, and what grades they got, and how they’re enjoying their college/university course. This can be hugely motivating for someone who is struggling to see the point in working or revising for things that they don’t feel interested in.

Essentially, you want to set him off on a good trajectory right now, rather than allow this to spin him into a downward spiral.

[herculepoirot2]

God I missed that this is in a selective school. Honestly, OP, you need to be a bit tougher with him. 5s in English and Maths mean he could get reasonable passes in five subjects with far less effort than less intelligent children. His life is going to go in one of two directions here - don’t let him fuck it up!

[RedSkyLastNight]

Suggest you come and join the "going into yr11, gcse 2020 thread". There are a few of us on there with under achieving children who are not putting in the work!
With my DS we have askd him to think about what he wants to do post gcse, then write down the grades he is aiming at. Next we are working at devising a plan (that he must buy into) to make it happen. But ultimately, if he doesn't want to work, you can't make him, but he needs to understand that means his life plan will be different.

I'd also suggest not to compare him with a selective school average (surely half the dc are below average??) but look at him as an individual in terms of what he can and wants to achieve.

[Nameusernameuser]

It's definitely possible to turn it around. I got E's and U's in year 10, grew up over summer and realised I really had to crack on. In year 11 in my 2nd and 3rd papers I smashed it and got A's and A*s, came out with 6 B's and 5 C's overall. Something might click, if he's got a good understanding but just can't be bothered he can probably turn it around, but it's only him that can do that.

[herculepoirot2]

Me, I’m old fashioned. The grades improve or the privileges stop.

[Beesandtrees]

At least he liked the college course. I think that’s fortunate rather than unfortunate. Was it a particular course he liked? I would say build on that. Take him back to the college, find out more and concentrate on the grades he needs to do the college course if that is what interests him.

[BelindasGleeTeam]

Don't bribe with money for time revising.
Maybe for the end results.....

Boys can struggle to see the future as something tangible. To many, next week is an age away, never mind next year or five.

Noble is sensible. Get college prospectuses and start going through the courses he's interested in. That might be a reality check.

It's not too late but he really has got to work his arse off from now til next may.