Can anyone help? What to do with a Year 13 who won't work?

[AtWitsEndwith6thformer]

Hi there. Sorry that this is a long post but I'm hoping that some users may be able to give me some perspective and guidance. DS is my eldest and neither DH or I did 'A' levels so I feel out of my depth.

Background: DS has always been bright but unfocussed. Nice boy, teachers like him, knows his stuff when pushed but too chatty / not enough effort / rather be doing sport / can't be arsed. Eventually got 11GCSEs (3 A, 6 B, 2 C) in Year 11 through a combination of tutors, bribery, us putting our lives on hold and a bit of effort on his part.

Roll on Year 12... delighted he got in, teachers impressed with him... translated into no effort, bare minimum of work, hardly any revision for AS, resulting in D, D, D, E. Still met the requirement of 3 Ds for Year 13, but had to drop subject he really liked as only got E. He wasn't particularly bothered - just pleased that he got in to Year 13.

We are now 2 weeks in to Year 13.. he's already had detentions for being late - not handing in work or not handing in work that's hand enough effort etc. Its a very good school. Teachers are supportive and he's been put on a support / structure programme. I feel sorry for the school that they've got such a difficult pupil who is ignoring their efforts. I'm going in tomorrow to speak with them (at their request).

I have many questions, I suppose, but some are:


Is it possible to get reasonable A Level grades from 3 x D at AS? Is there any point in continuing if he can't?
Should I suggest he leaves school and does something else? College? Apprenticeship? Job?
Should I just leave him to fail (or thrive - small chance but who knows)

I know there's no magic answer but wondering if anyone could give me any guidance or suggestions... my instinct is to leave him to it, but it feels like too big a mistake to allow him to make :-(

Thanks for reading.

[AtWitsEndwith6thformer]

Quick update.. thanks for everyone's comments.

We went to see Head of 6th form today - really nice guy, plus also teaches DS in one subject. DS was at the meeting.

In a nutshell; we told the teacher that DS was not motivated, wasn't putting any work in, wasn't worried about being late to school etc. (No surprises to the teacher). We also said that we had pushed / pulled him through Year 11, had been unable to get him to understand that Year 12 was serious, and were not prepared to waste our breath for another year.

DS was pretty shocked to be honest. It felt terrible to sort of wash our hands of him, but we basically said to the teacher he has everything he needs (space, laptop, materials, sports coaching, great teachers, support at school etc.), he's old enough to take responsibility and it's now down to him.

The teacher was great. He knows DS really well.. the result of the meeting was DS volunteered of his own accord to make significant changes in the next two weeks.

So we'll see.. but he was shocked to see DH & I go in and say 'enough is enough.. if he fails, its down to him'... so maybe there's hope.

[BossWitch]

Well done! Hopefully the shock will give him the kick up the arse he needs. Good luck!

[AtWitsEndwith6thformer]

Thanks BossWitch. The penny has dropped with me (finally) that it's not helpful to be so facilitating in the face of abject disregard... so a different approach it is!

Thanks for good luck wishes - have a feeling am going to me them!

[pizzaparty11]

Would he consider getting a part time job he can do alongside college?
with all due respect, I think that's a terrible idea! The last thing he needs now is the distraction of a p/time job!
The trouble is, not only are A2s more difficult it is mathematically more difficult to pull up his grade without doing resits, which again would be a distraction from his A2s.

[Floralnomad]

I don't think a p/t job is a bad idea , my extremely lazy ds had a job through most of his A levels and all of university ( retail supervisor) , if anything it helped him because he knew if he wanted to go out at the weekend he had to do the school stuff on certain nights in the week because sat / sun he was at work . It helped that he really enjoyed his job but it certainly put an end to the 'oh I can do all that school work on a Sunday ' attitude that he had all through his GCSEs , which was then a nightmare on the Sunday . The only advantage mine had was he is very bright and never actuallly did much work . Good luck with it but I do think you have the right attitude .

[Leeds2]

I hope things go well for you, and DS, in the future. Hopefully today will have been the kick up the backside he needed.

[AtWitsEndwith6thformer]

Thanks again all.
I've no idea how things will progress; DS had a half day yesterday as school was closing early for an open evening... his attitude was different, in that he planned to do study in the afternoon..

DH & I were both at work so now idea if he actually did... got home to find he was going out and staying at friends, and still not back. So who knows? Not looking positive but we are sticking to our 'backing off' approach as he knows it's down to him.

At least DH and I are less tense... we were starting to bicker with the stress of it.. we seem more united now we've both agreed to let him sink or swim (at least for the next fortnight).

[noarguments]

We tried the "calm conversation" ourselves, it did work a bit, and he said the right things, including saying he'll look into higher apprenticeships / possibly university courses, but he still doesn't know what areas interest him, which is our main worry (business and science level 3 BTECs, hardly inspiring!!),. So far he's not done any of that research (and he too disappeared off to an overnight gathering before we got home). Ho hum.

[PeaceAndLove1]

My son has just started year 3 of A level. Need I say more! Sorry no advice, you aren't on your own though.
The gap year in Aus sounds good.