Dd:Good at sports not being picked for teams.

[teta]

Do I enquire why?
Or do I ignore it.Dh says I should write an e mail to the head of year,other family members that I should speak in person.
DD is in an Independent school .She is very driven,very bright,very competitive and good at virtually everything.This includes running.At the beginning of the year she was picked for the competitive races through the teacher doing the running club.She did pretty well in spite of battling with asthma.Several runners in her year went to an interschool competition where they had to stay overnight.She was the first one to reach the finish line out of her school.In spite of beating the others in that important race she hasn't been picked for the last two races in her school.The PE department ( several teachers) picked the team on these two occasions.
She also is a pretty good tennis player.The other classes are considered the sporty ones and have more or lessons.Hence the teams are virtually all full and her class was not even monitored for ability.
Dd2 is becoming highly frustrated and totally fed up.However she doesn't want me to say anything.
It's a shame that that she was picked for every team going in Juniors ( state) ,successfully competes in athletics competitions ( with club),successfully competes in her tennis club but is completely overlooked in school.
What would you do if you were me?

[teta]

And for your DD ealingwestmum .

[ealingwestmum]

Onwards and upwards teta. Thank you. Here's to a successful sporting term for your DD!

[GasLightShining]

My DS played tennis in Y11 for his state school. He wasn't a member of a tennis club or ever had lessons - these matches were for pupils who wanted to play tennis and had some ability but not for the next generation of potential Wimbledon players.

Op - I know your DD is above that standard but a suggestion for other parents.

I have no idea if the school still does it but my DS and his mates loved it.

[teta]

Ealingwestmum that just sounds like downright nasty behaviour.Alpha females or not.Yes,year 7 can be very difficult with lots of shifting of friendship groups.But calling someone names is a different thing entirely.
It does sound extremely traumatising for your daughter ( and you).

[teta]

Yes Leeds2 that's what I'm worried about!
Especially after the Daily Mail incident today ( other poster)

[ealingwestmum]

Good news re your DD teta!

I didn't think just because I have chosen a fee paying school, everything was going to be perfect, this was a bump that needed dealing with after 2 terms of ignoring/telling her to retaliate etc, and that fell on me to help her with ways to deal with it so no one loses face. She feared repercussion...from the group as well as authority so a lot of support went into overcoming that.

The good news is that she's come out being more assertive this term, probably helped by the flattery of the academy. Maybe also got sick of being called a fucking retard (I know) and to appreciate others have insecurities that come out in odd ways. Every cohort is different but hopefully changes a lot by Y9+! But, she needs to learn to be a team player with all characters, not just the easy ones...

[blearynweary]

There you go it takes time to get noticed!

[Leeds2]

Sounds like one of the PE teachers is on Mumsnet!

Well Done to your DD.

[teta]

Ealingwestmum it sounds as though your daughter has had an unfairly hard time.
I don't think that's the case here.DD is pretty much an Alpha girl herself.I think all the girls get on very well in the clubs and teams.They all believe they are the best .
I honestly don't believe parental pushiness is making a difference here.But maybe I'm being naive.
Anyhow rather surprisingly DD has been picked for another team today.A sport she is completely new to - the A/B team. [Shock].

[Bryt]

My DD's experience has been nothing like that. Sport/games/clubs/travel to fixtures has given them optimum chances to expand their friendships. There's none of that cliqueyness and the school do their best to be inclusive for all who want to do sports. I think Year 7 can be an adjustment period where there's unfortunate overlooking of true ability and disappointment. I only have my one experience to speak of though.

[ealingwestmum]

Not sure I said the alpha girls chose the teams (if you're part referring to me bleary) but they can play an influential part of the make up of teams in the early years. Hopefully as meritocracy takes over, the balance changes over the years. The OP had mentioned an inequality on the cohort accessing PE lessons which was a little odd. I know from our school the scouting of talent varies across pool, with the lower teams not being watched at all. If you have been placed in the wrong bucket from the start, this can be reversed if your school does not have the attitude of 'we don't want to change the original teams around too much now as we need it to bed in/gel'. Then it's a case of waiting for the following year's selection to get noticed.

I am just making reference to our situation, and therefore it is purely anecdotal. Quite often I feel like an idiot too...but normally for other reasons...

[blearynweary]

I think you are all overreacting. Ops dd is in year 7 and had had approx a week of athletics and actually had now made the team.

If I thought I was paying good money for a school that was so badly run that the 'alpha girls' chose the teams I'd feel like a complete idiot.

[ealingwestmum]

I really do sympathise with you teta, and can relate to your issue on how to overcome. Not only do some independent schools select from their own prep/other prep girls who have had exposure to club/county level, they are very cliquey so even if outsiders do make it to top squads, it can be made quite uncomfortable by the alpha girls because they would rather their mates make the A teams. I don't think the coaching staff are blind to this, but they do turn a blind eye, as they know these are the children from influential/pushy parents that have red inked as 'do not upset'. And a certain amount of attitude and presence is needed in competitive sport that can shadow the less aggressive sports children, in spite of their potential and past achievements.

I know I am sounding a cynic, but over 2 terms of it has made me a little bitter (and disappointed in my DD's school's handling) that resulted in some really unpleasant behaviour from the favoured girls. So, having put a constructive email together, I received nothing back, except a mark down on her end of term report a few weeks later (after 3 consecutive 'outstanding' report marks). With feedback that she needed to up her eye to hand co-ordination. This actually made me laugh it was so off.

She is, this term playing cricket for her local club in at academy level, knowing (and me acknowledging to school) that if this were to result in her non-slection for rounders squad, then so be it. And she would therefore not be attending any after school training. Because she was good, and would feel more valued amongst her external peers than school peers.

We took a punt because though she loves all sports, especially the contact ones, this one (and rounders) were sports she was intuitively good at. But we were prepared to face the consequences of non-selection due to our stand slight petulance from being fed up. She got selected for A team, strangely enough, even with them knowing out of school cricket was going to come first!

Long rant but your DD sounds like exactly the type of person (for all round sportsmanship) that should be included, and can get overlooked for the wrong reasons if you don't start putting her credits in front of the school. Gently find out why she doesn't want you to say anything. We had lots of work to do on self esteem/confidence as after 6 months these girls had sucked it all out of ours. But she's slowly getting it back now...

Sport, for those that love it is so incredibly important as part of school life, so very good luck in resolving!

[bojorojo]

Where my DDs went to school, sports day teams were a case of putting yourself forward to represent the House. They always wanted as many as possible to do this. Heats were run if necessary and the sports captains picked the teams. No one any good was left out as they needed the points! Sports Day was held before the inter-school competitions. If someone they did not know about did well and was picked for lots of events, they would probably be included in the school's athletics team. However it depends if it is under 13, under 14 or whatever because y7s may well not be good enough because they may not be able to compete against older children. . The same could apply to any school team unless there is an under 12 competition. She has got 6 more years to be in teams!

[Bryt]

My DD started the school as the shortest and had a growth spurt last Autumn. I definitely think presenting with a tall, athletic physique gives some girls an advantage initially.

Yes to commitment waning from some of the former prep school pupils. That's already happening here.

[teta]

The problem is she attended a massively sporty state juniors.They used to win virtually everything.She played sport every lunchtime and after school plus running,athletics,dancing.She has always been massively competitive.She is competitive as regards school work,plays two instruments,orchestra etc.It's just the way she is.That's why she's finding it so hard.
Yes Bryt, I think you're right.It is a major advantage coming from the Prep school where you are properly taught how to play various sports.Another really good point is that DD is very small - one of the smallest in her year.No growth spurt as of yet!

[blearynweary]

yes absolutely

and tbh the sporty prep girls quite often bow out in years 9 and 10 as they are sick of it

that's when the primary school grafters really start to shine!

[Bryt]

Hopefully this will be a non issue as she goes into Year 8. If she is good, she won't fly under the radar for long.

My DD joined her school from a non-sporty state primary. Year 8 has seen some leveling of ability amongst those like my DD who has shown commitment and developed her skills. My feeling is the sporty prep school pupils, sports scholars and taller girls were often picked by default, even for events not in their main sports. There's less of that this year at my DDs school.

[blearynweary]

Sounds like she's doing a lot! And I've just read she's been picked for the team so hopefully everything will work out fine.

[teta]

Bleary as I've stated earlier she is not aiming to be a sports scholar.
Repeating myself : she only has issues with asthma in long distance competitive races - particularly in cold weather.It is nothing whatsoever to do with fitness .It is exercise-induced Asthma.For the last two years she has probably done at least 2 hours exercise a day.On Saturday she did an hour and half of athletics,one doubles match for 2.5 hours ( she won),one singles match for 1.5 hours ( she lost).
She's bloody fit!

[blearynweary]

How much competition at her club? Dd3 represented her club at the counties and there were only three in her age group! I am not trying to rain on your parade but I sometimes hear things like this from parents (I coach an amateur team) and often their child is just not ready.

[blearynweary]

Sports day too late they'll all have forgotten about it by next season. I imagine it's the asthma. If she struggles running and she has no hockey or netball experience I have to say in the nicest possible way, she is not a sports scholar. A girl who needed her inhaler to run a middle distance race would not be picked for the athletics team at dds (very sporty) school.

Fwiw, dd2 had asthma when she joined her prep from primary school. It improved immeasurably as she got fitter and now she never needs it.

[bojorojo]

County level and not in a school team - very odd. I think you should ask how the athletics teams are picked. Of course, doing well at sports day is the key here. That gives her the chance to show what she can do in front of everyone. Go for it! Ditto in any school based tennis competition. ( Queenswood School in Herts used to have tennis scholarships - if she is really good, have a look at them). Boarding available.

[teta]

She did apply and didn't get one.Due we were told to her complete inexperience in Netball and Hockey.She is extremely fit.The only thing the Asthma inhibits is long distance running.It's purely exercise-induced.
2 years of athletics competitions representing her club means she's good.I don't think she's is going to be an Olympic athlete.But she represented the county last year.

[LIZS]

Are you sure she is that good? Often the ability range changes from one school to another, exceptional can become just good. Did she apply for a sports scholarship, as those tend to get the most early opportunities and attention. Have others progressed from the junior school where they were already established in teams. Does she do well in stamina tests like the bleep test or is she inhibited by asthma. It is still early in the Athletics and tennis season , do maybe her time will come, perhaps through interhouse events.