Anyone's child/ren going on their year 7 induction day tomorrow?

[NotEnoughTime]

If so, how do they feel about it?

[JugglingFromHereToThere]

Hi tiger - yes, personally I'm thinking maybe making friends at start of secondary is quite a good thing to be a bit pro-active about. But also true that we can't do it all for them and they're going to need time to form their own friendships.
But a bit of effort from both them and us in the early weeks may be easier and more effective than trying to fix things if they feel a bit left out later on ? Hopefully other parents will be doing the same and a bit of enthusiastic appreciation of their efforts goes a long way too I find. Always surprising when some children don't go to parties or sleepovers they've been invited to. Go to everything in the first term !

I'm sure it will be fine and they'll all have some new good friends soon.

[mumofthemonsters808]

My feedback is a mixed bag...DD made friends with several nice girls in her form and decided to have lunch with them. Her Primary School friends then appeared and started screaming at her that she was going off with them and stormed off and left her with the new girls who were sat watching gobsmacked . At break the primary friends tracked her down and acted like nothing had happened. So it's going to be a long September.

[tigertwist]

Thanks juggling she came back sharing the little pieces of work they'd done, but then after a little while got a bit almost teary that she doesn't think she'll have any friends as they are already in their own little groups. She is friendly, chatty but possibly needs others to make the initiative to ask her to join in rather than her ask them if she can join in. Hopefully through sport etc and mutual interests that may form bonds too. She has taken going up to this particular secondary as the only one from primary very maturely - perhaps she now realises is going to take a little time and effort on her behalf to really feel she's made the right choice.

[JugglingFromHereToThere]

And to be honest am thinking of inviting a few friends/ boys in his new class over for a games session/ playdate during the summer hols. But maybe that's a bit keen ?!

[JugglingFromHereToThere]

Oh, meant to say don't panic though if no new best friends on first day !

[JugglingFromHereToThere]

How long do these friendships take to form ?

Well I think the first few weeks are quite important. DD was already talking about the same friends she talks about now (Y9) by Christmas.
I think we'll be making the most of DS birthday in October to have a few friends over for sure. DD was lucky and was included in a lovely friendship circle with no real effort from me. But now I see how good that's been for her I think I'm prepared to take more initiative in the hope of the same thing happening for DS. Certainly being friendly to those who are starting knowing no-one can do no harm can it ?

[tigertwist]

Grrrrr pressed to soon! ...

DD's a sociable person but not that confident enough to try and get in with an already established group. I hope these things just take a little time when they begin the new term. Ive reassured her, I was in the same boat many, many moons ago. I want her to make friends but not have to try too hard if that makes sense.

[tigertwist]

naturalnlonde Think mine felt the same as yours - only one in her new class who doesn't know anyone. Out of interest how to these friendships form - have visions of my pfb on at own at the dinner table. She's such a l

[MadeOfStarDust]

juggling - at least the recipient's hair will be glossy and easy to manage...

[JugglingFromHereToThere]

@ Lancelottie & glad the orange squash just missed ?

dd had a Roman party during her last Latin lesson recently where someone had brought along a bowl of olives - apparently bowl with much oil got accidently tipped over someone's head - lovely

[Lancelottie]

Yep, my bunch of friends at secondary called themselves 'the rejects team' as we'd originally bonded over being the last ones picked for team games every week.

(We were slightly horrified when one friend turned out to be quite a fast hurdler in the third year -- felt she was letting the side down a bit there.)

[JugglingFromHereToThere]

Ah, wondered after I posted if I'd misunderstood there - so glad to hear you moved DS and he's now happy with a great bunch of friends - eccentric is always good I think. At one point DD's friends called themselves the "Unpopulars" I think it was - as against a boring trad group known as "The populars" So, those of them not granted entry to this self-titled "elite" group just made their own gang. I'm sure it was at least as fun, and more tolerant - so cooler to my thinking ! Way to go dd !
I was so proud

[Lancelottie]

Juggling, I thought for one horrified moment yesterday that DD was going to start secondary known as 'the one who spilt orange squash over the Principal'...

Have they signed your young leapfrogger up for the athletics squad yet?

[Lancelottie]

Yes, I think her expectations were way too high! She was hoping apparently to find someone she'd 'just instantly know was going to be a good friend'.

Just to clarify -- DS isn't a new starter, he's been there a couple of years now. He originally went to a different secondary with his primary friends, but was dropped by them almost immediately, as he became a target for bullying and I think they dissociated themselves from him as a liability. Reading around the boards, I've come to the conclusion that this isn't as rare as we'd thought. it's as if they suddenly grow out of each other.

After a year of utter misery we moved him to this school instead, where he's flourished (and has a vast, noisy, eccentric peer group who move around in packs, playing ukeleles. DD should be in their year, she'd love it)!

[JugglingFromHereToThere]

I don't know Lancelottie, I think going for a visit day is good, and wished we'd had one in my day. But perhaps everyone has too high expectations of what can be achieved in a day or two .... getting a bit familiar with the place, the children in your class, and your form tutor is probably about enough ... I'm sure choosing which clubs to be in can easily wait til September !
And just because some of DS's friends were interested to meet some of the other children (new to them) doesn't mean they won't be DS's friend when they all settle down ?

[Lancelottie]

NaturalBlonde -- god, it's hard, isn't it? Was the wine for you or for her?

DD has to watch most of her current friends going off to their induction today, discussing who they'll be with in their forms.

DS started secondary with all his primary friends though, and their instant desertion of him was pretty heartrending.

DD looked just bewildered by everything, even when she was asked about clubs she might like. Lots of wailing about 'I didn't know Film Club meant acting in films! I said no because I thought it was learning about cameras!'

Sometimes I think just dropping them into it at the start of September without all the run-up would be easier.

[JugglingFromHereToThere]

indeed - in fact the form tutor even said he was impressed with DS leap-frogging over such high bollards in the quad, but not to jump over anymore if he would be so kind !

[BackforGood]

- that's very impressive Juggling.

[JugglingFromHereToThere]

I rather fear my DS made his mark too - as the stories of the day unfolded it became apparent he'd got into some trouble on 3 occasions with 2 teachers. Not bad for your first day.
I was able to talk it over with his lovely (but very young) form tutor at the evening "do" for parents though, and plead over excitement on DS's behalf.
Hopefully he's forgiven. But possibly has his card marked !
Hopefully DD's good behaviour may stand him in some good stead - but don't count on it forever DS !

[AChickenCalledKorma]

NaturalBlonde - it's hard isn't it. DD1 didn't enjoy hers much, despite the fact she is going with several friends. She felt very small (to be honest, she is very small!) and lots of her school friends immediately made new friends and left her languishing on her own . I know she'll get there and it will all be fine in the end, but it's feeling like it's going to be a long summer holiday when she'll not feel much like looking forward to the start of term.

On the bright side, her form tutor is a nice, respectable-looking middle aged lady - no 12 year olds in sight .

And the PTA fundraising appeal was made by a very professional-looking 50 year old man in a suit, which makes a refreshing change from the rather chaotic goings-on at her junior school.

[grants1000]

Mine goes off on a 2 day 1 night residential next week to meet new classmates, he will be will quite a few of his primary mates too. Plus a full day the week after.

The school is one street away and I am worried out him walking up the road alone and serioulsy need to get a grip.

[NaturalBlondeYeahRight]

Oh dear, didn't go very well for my plb. She is the only one going from primary too and came home upset again- I was really hoping induction would get her excited. Now what do I do? All I can think off is positive vibes and 'it will be fine' chats.

[BackforGood]

Well my dd managed to make her mark - had a nosebleed and had to go out of class...... HofY knows who she is now, when I spoke to form tutor at the evening meeting, she immediately knew who dd is.....

[Lancelottie]

Stardust, that's so cute!

DD is rather subdued about it all as she doesn't know anyone in her year yet. DS is already there, though (moved schools in yr 8), and having said he was never going to admit to anyone that he even had a sister, apparently pointed excitedly through the window and told his entire geography class that 'that was his little sister in that queue there' and half of them went 'Aaaaaaawwwwww'.

Given that DD at 11 is bigger than most of DS's friends at 14, she was a bit surprised to be thought of as small and sweet!

[MadeOfStarDust]

my youngest is at hers today - it was so funny - the look on her face when she was dropped at the gate with her friend and some Y9s who are there as guides asked:

"Do you little ones know where you are going?"

hahahahahaha - made them realise they are back to being "little ones" instead of the big Y6es