Advice on completing PhD with new baby

[afternoonbiscuit]

Hello!

My DS is 3 months old and so far it has been a struggle to just shower and eat normally, let alone work on my PhD thesis! I plan to remain a STAHM but would like to combine it with research and translation (done from home) - though that feels far down the road at the moment…

Last night I had a very sleepless night with DS and found myself thinking about and writing notes on my phone about my thesis. It put me in such a good mood to use my brain again and think about something other than my baby, as much as I adore him. Now I’m wondering if I could in fact try to finish my thesis sooner than I thought, rather than waiting until he’s older.

Has anyone got any tips for combining a baby and PhD/work in the first year?

[daisyjgrey]

I'm in the 4th year of a humanities PhD with a 12 year old and I work 30 hours a week. I'm going to buy an extension year as I didn't cover enough research ground last year, and I don't feel I've read anywhere near enough.

I think in hindsight I wish I'd opted for a part time PhD (or no PhD at all...🫠) and been more realistic about it. It's easy to simplify it when you're in the zone but realistically it is a lot of work, and it's not something you can do while multitasking other things.

Turns out it's quite hard, who knew! 😂

[Sucessinthenewyear]

Realistically you can’t look after a baby and work. It will only work if you have childcare. DH got very little done on his part time PhD during DD2 first year while even though he had a dedicate day a week for it and only had to deal with our 3 yr old over night rarely woke.

[Nimbostratus100]

you need a childcare arrangement of some description, paid or unpaid, like your partner maybe giving you two days a week, or something.

[JenniferBarkley]

How much do you have to do? Is it a case of writing up by pulling together three papers that have been published? Or do you still have a lot to do?

Working with a baby won't really work, and research isn't the type of thing you can pick up and put down. I'd be very wary of taking something on, especially if it affects your funding by going back too soon.

[SuperLoudPoppingAction]

There's a mumsnet section for academics where you might get some more insights.

Are you funded? Full time or part time? What stage are you at in your PhD?
Mine definitely feels like a full time job (and contractually it is) and I struggle to do much when my much older children are around.
I think though that if it's on your mind and making notes you should go with it!

[JofraArchersFastestBall]

I had to finish off writing up my PhD thesis during my DS's first year, and to be honest I found it extremely difficult. I'd imagined doing an hour here and there as he napped and after he went to bed - but he never really napped for more than 45 minutes and I really struggled to get my head into gear before he woke up.
I ended up having to stay with parents and in laws for weeks at a time to just get some uninterrupted work done, and even then it was really hard.

It ruined a lot of the enjoyment of my tiny baby and of my work.

What I'm saying is that, even with support from my lovely family, it was a slog!

[afternoonbiscuit]

Thanks for the input! Looks like I’ll have to set very realistic (tiny) goals.

In my case I have completed all the research and have a partially completed thesis (half of 2/4 chapters), so it feels like it could be more manageable as I’m at the writing up stage. Still a massive amount of work though!

Perhaps I could find some sort of part-time childcare in a few months once he’s older, and a few hours on the weekend when DH can watch him? I also thought I could plan 2-week trips to my parents abroad every few months and use that time to work intensively while they look after DS - they would certainly love that!

It’s nothing compared to what can be done when you’re full-time, but baby steps? Right now I thought I’d try and start by using his nap times to see if I can get back into it while he sleeps (which he always does on me, so I can’t get anything else done anyway!).

I worry that if I don’t start now I will never get it done, and I’ve already had to put it on hold for a number of years.

[SuperLoudPoppingAction]

It might help to find accountability buddies.
I think there is at least one fb group for parents working on their PhD.
Your department might have a WhatsApp, discord, teams group for people working on their thesis.
I am in a research network that has monthly writing retreats online.
Someone I know has a 24 hour a day zoom room that people can drop into.
Just being able to say 'I revised half a page today and I feel fab about it' to someone who knows that took hard graft can be helpful.

[afternoonbiscuit]

My funding years have finished so I would be able to write at my own pace without any external deadlines.

@JofraArchersFastestBall Thanks for this. I see what you mean. But did it feel
worth it to get it done in the end?

@SuperLoudPoppingAction I had no idea there was an academics section. I’ll be off to find that now, thanks! I have tried to find an accountability buddy in the past but failed, though I didn’t have a baby then so maybe that opens up a new set of groups to search for. I’ll take a look.

[Greenraincoat12]

I did it and if I can anyone can! I relied on waking up early before DD did. Everything was stop start and in spurts. My mum would do a day a week so I could try do a bigger session. I got there in the end. I don't regret it but it was tough. I had a lot of corrections it seemed but it was fine in the end. My DH would take DD on Saturdays too. I feel like it ruined that age she was at but it wasn't forever. Good luck x

[JofraArchersFastestBall]

@afternoonbiscuit Yes, I was very glad to get it finished! I shouldn't have been so negative - I'm very proud that I got it done, and although I wouldn't have planned having to finish writing up whilst looking after a small baby, it was all ok in the end.

Sounds like you're at a similar point to where I was, but with a more positive attitude! I wish you luck.

[afternoonbiscuit]

Thank you everyone for all the tips and encouragement :)

[SuperLoudPoppingAction]

www.mumsnet.com/talk/academics_corner

There's also a section for mature students linked in the top thread (currently) on that board which might be useful for things like finding other mums trying to work while babies are sleeping on them!

[Teaandcrochet]

There is a good Facebook group 'PhD and early career researcher parents' which I would recommend joining if you aren't already a member - loads of brilliant advice from people in similar situations there. I had a baby half way through my PhD. I struggled to do the PhD whilst looking after him full time so instead returned to the PhD part time and got a RA job 4 days a week. This ebabled us to afford childcare so I wasnt too tired in evenings and could study once baby was in bed and also meant I had a full day a week to work on the PhD. Towards the end of the PhD my partner also took our son away for a full weekend once a month to enable me to study. Getting our son into a good bed time routine and him being in bed by 6.30pm was key though to allow me time to study in evenings!! Good luck

[Roseau18]

I did as well. I had finished the research and just (?!?) needed to write. I forced myself to write something every time I put her down for a nap.
I wouldn't want to do it again but the positive side was it meant I had to let go of the idea of writing the "perfect" thesis, which as anyone who is a perfectionist knows, can be a real handicap to finishing things. It needed no corrections and led to a permanent job in academia so I have no regrets.