How much time with your baby/toddler does your partner spend?

[snowman212]

I'm a SAHM, partner works from home full time, but it's very flexible apart from meetings, and he gets to do a lot of his own thing during work hours (on most days 4-5 hours to do his own thing).
I appreciate everyone's work Laod is different. In ideal world I would think four hours with baby is fair. Because you're each doing 8 hours. And divide the rest of the time in the day in halves.

[snowman212]

@Swandaisyswan

On a week day DH spends about 1.5 hrs with Dtwins. I look after them the rest of the day, he is WFH. We share night wake ups. At the weekend we generally have a half day off each to do our own thing independently and the rest of the time together as a family.

Sounds fair, thanks for sharing

[Swandaisyswan]

On a week day DH spends about 1.5 hrs with Dtwins. I look after them the rest of the day, he is WFH. We share night wake ups. At the weekend we generally have a half day off each to do our own thing independently and the rest of the time together as a family.

[snowman212]

Thanks all for you're replies 🙌

[breadbinbaby]

Yeah we don’t keep track but I’d be able to do my own thing whenever I wanted (outside of the work day) really, as would he, we just ask each other if we want to do something or other.

[orangejuicer]

My DP is the DAHP and I (currently) WFH fulltime. I probably get an hour to do my own thing. I could have more but it would eat into my work time. We make sure we both get breaks so I do the first shift (6-9) while he goes back to bed. Sometimes I spend time downstairs if meetings allow so he has a break then. We both get a break before doing bedtime. I think we have a good balance because we alternate the childcare (not talking about other household duties there of course!)

[FTEngineerM]

He takes DC from 7-9am then 6-8pm.
From 5-6 we make dinner and chat and walk the dog maybe. So it’s teamwork.

I do 9-5 when he’s not in nursery (2days/W).
Weekends it’s teamwork so most days 50/50 unless I have an assignment due and then he takes DC out for the afternoon/day so I crack on,

[BertieBotts]

I think you're right, it's about equal leisure time. It's hard to exactly divide it out like that though isn't it? Because four hours sounds like a lot, but it's not like babies actively need engaging every minute of every day. They do nap and if you're lucky you get one that's happy to chill out in a bouncer or on a playmat or whatever for some of the time.

I think it can be useful to do as a kind of thought experiment - designate one person each to be "on duty" even though the other person is actually there and work out what events they are responsible for during this time (meals, outfit changes, naptime/bedtime routine etc). As otherwise often what tends to happen is that Mum ends up in this role and becomes "default parent" being in charge of everything.

It also assumes your baby sleeps during the same 8 hour stretch you want to, which is not always a given!

[RyvitaBrevis]

Probably 1 hour, or less than 2 hours, on a work day, since you're asking? My husband works full time outside the home and the sleep deprived newborn stage is a distant memory now. But if you need that time, then you need that time .... only you know what you can manage.

[FeminismIsForFemales]

It doesn't matter what anyone else does. If you aren't feeling you are getting enough support or alone time from your partner, then there's a problem and you need to address it. You are allowed to have needs. Talk to him.

[snowman212]

@LolaNova

I don’t keep track. He’s just there. If he was working from home I wouldn’t expect him to do any childcare during his work day. He’s furloughed though so we just hang out as a family pretty much all the time. We both give each other an hour or two to do something else (exercise usually) in the day.

I guess that's what I'm asking - how much time do you get to do your own thing

[LolaNova]

I don’t keep track. He’s just there. If he was working from home I wouldn’t expect him to do any childcare during his work day. He’s furloughed though so we just hang out as a family pretty much all the time. We both give each other an hour or two to do something else (exercise usually) in the day.