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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

had enough of DH's moods

35 replies

sparklymieow · 13/07/2005 23:46

I know he is feeling all the crap with our neighbours more, as they keep threatening him, but I have had enough of his moods, he doesn't help me with the kids in the mornings, I run around doing everything, I am doing all the school runs, all the washing, when I ask him to cook he says 'i cooked yesterday' but I am doing all the running about, I do the dishwasher about 2-3 times a day, he is in a contant mood, and when I ask whats up he says nothing, he also asked me all the time about 'us' but I am trying to keep things normal, its him that isn't.
He shouts at the kids all the time, and gets stroppy with them if they wake up in the night, and if they try to sleep during the day.
He snatches things away from my desk in a strop and drops them, where he doesn't have proper hold of them because he has snatched. He wants my attention all the time, I get up every morning at 6-7am and have a nap in the morning, housework after that its school runs, dinner, showers, bedtime for the kids, then we slob out on the sofa, then on here for a while, but he wants more. I can't give much more. I have just had enough of his moods
I try to have convertions with him and he ignores me, then says I am pushing him away.........

OP posts:

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sparklymieow · 15/07/2005 00:19

BTW teh new house is near the Galleria, I know you like to come down to it, maybe we could all meet up when we are in the new place??

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sparklymieow · 14/07/2005 23:58

Thanks LousH, I hope that when we get the house things will be ok, I did all the pushing to get the new place and I think he feels that its too long away to make a difference IYKWIM.

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lousH · 14/07/2005 23:43

The poor guy sounds like he feels powerlessness in the face of the neighbours ( amongst other things) powerless obviously makes a person feel like they are losing control this then leads to anger , insecurity etc, etc.

It probably doesn't help if he feels your efforts are what got you the new house, he might be feeling like he failed the family in some way.

I hope when you both get your new house a surge of positive energy will infect your hub, he sounds like he needs something to kick start him into a positive cycle.

If I lived closer I'd take him out for a chat/drink.

As you Know me and Lou have a child with Cp, we had nightmare neighbours and we have been stuck in ruts too.

all the best

Gomez · 14/07/2005 00:33

take care - you and dh.

sparklymieow · 14/07/2005 00:33

true, have to go now, dd2 is awake and I need sleep. Will chat tomorrow.
Night

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Gomez · 14/07/2005 00:32

Might be chicken and egg thou' - if he can get his depression under control again then what is happening next door might not have such an impact on him...

sparklymieow · 14/07/2005 00:31

yes, I think he would, but until we move he isn't going to get better. he is dreading the move because they will be outside.

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Gomez · 14/07/2005 00:29

So do you think he would start treatment again?

sparklymieow · 14/07/2005 00:28

no thats related to the neighbours. He will be ok when we move.

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Gomez · 14/07/2005 00:27

Sounds like he needs to start active treatment of his depression again. Would he be willing to do that?

Is the not going out related to your neighbours? Or was that happening before?

sparklymieow · 14/07/2005 00:25

he ws on AD's but he stopped taking them becuase he was doing so well. Also he won't leave the house.

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Gomez · 14/07/2005 00:24

Sorry SM - dd1 aged 5 just announced that she had wet the bed so unlike her.

What treatment does your DH have for his depression? Does he have a practioner he could call for help? Could you draw up a rota for house-stuff - so he will know what exactly needs done but you won't need to 'nag' about it?

sparklymieow · 14/07/2005 00:14

I said that to him the other day, he can't expect us to talk 24/7 as we have nothing to talk about, we dissuss the kids, the new house (well thats me) and school, we like to watch DVDs together, which we have done tonight, but because neither of us work we have no outside info.

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Blossomhill · 14/07/2005 00:12

I just know that when I am around dh for a week when he is off drives me crazy!!!!

sparklymieow · 14/07/2005 00:10

he won't talk about the new house, as he refuses to get excited about it.

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sparklymieow · 14/07/2005 00:10

no, we are both carers.

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hunkermunker · 14/07/2005 00:10

Go and give him a big cuddle, SM. And talk to him about how good it will be when you are in the new house (Nov?). Plans and hope will get him out of this rut.

Blossomhill · 14/07/2005 00:09

I hope you don't mind me asking sm but does dh work?

sparklymieow · 14/07/2005 00:08

DH had depression last year, he had a bad upbringing and selfharms. He has bad reactions to things, and doesn't come out of the black hole easily. He was doing very well and doing school runs, and cleaning all the time, then this has knocked him down big time. I just don't know what to do.

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hunkermunker · 14/07/2005 00:08

Ask him for a backrub. Go on!

sparklymieow · 14/07/2005 00:06

he doesn't see what I do though, he thinks its just a few school runs, I put washing on as soon as I get up, try and do the dishwasher in the morning too. school run and shops, I then come home and have a nap, and then its lunchtime and then to dd2's preschool to drop her off, back again, tidy up, but he generally doesn't want to do anything so we sit down, and then I get annoyed with the mess, so start tidying up. If I go upstairs to tidy up, he comes and asks what I am doing, and says 'come and sit down' I am getting fed up with sitting about and then doing so much housework all at the same time IYKWIM.

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Gomez · 14/07/2005 00:04

SM do you really thing it is the neighbour thing. I remember thinking at the time that his reaction didn't seem what you would expect so could what ever the problem is pre-date that??

Hunker - I know what you mean but I am firmly in the b*tch wife category and take no prisoners. So sure don't let him ignore what is needing done I just wouldn't sweeten the pill at all .

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hunkermunker · 14/07/2005 00:01

Can you say "Sweetheart, I am really tired. You have seen how busy I've been today and I really would love it if you rubbed my feet/gave me a neck massage, etc"?

Don't do a long list of the jobs you've done - that will overwhelm him (as it does you).

sparklymieow · 14/07/2005 00:01

he is a great dad and hubby normally, but he just doesn't see taht I am trying to keep things normal

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hunkermunker · 14/07/2005 00:00

No, not sending him to bed, etc - but SM is having trouble with doing all the chores, so not giving him the choice to slob out and ignore the fact they need doing might help?

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