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Holly02 · 17/04/2003 10:48
Does anyone else have a dh/dp who just conveniently forgets to tell them about arrangements they've made??!! Just need to have a rant... this has gotten to me many times in the past and he's done it again tonight. Things like, he'll make arrangements for someone to come over and then forget to tell me, or he'll arrange something (that concerns both of us) and then tell me about it at the last minute. He also omits to tell me when he's had a conversation with someone about something important, and then when I see that person, they'll say, "Didn't he tell you?" He holds down a very responsible job but I'm stuffed if I know how he does it. I think he just places a higher priority on details at work, but doesn't feel the need to fill me in on things. I've just had a go at him about it and he's acting a bit sheepish, so hopefully the message will get through. AARRGGHH! Is it just me?
Deborahf · 17/04/2003 11:03
Hi Holly - no suggestions, but maybe he has a brilliant assistant at work he reminds him of everything. Just like you do at home!!!
I can sympathise - my dh is wonderful, but I always tell him before I go to the hairdressers - that way I'm sure he'll notice when I come home!!
griffy · 17/04/2003 11:51
Holly - all sympathy here. My DP does this too and just foists things on me at the last moment, and even worse, he completely forgets all the arrangements that I make, even though I give him heaps of notice , put things on wall planners and remind him constantly about things.
When I'm relying on him for something important - like picking DS up from nursery (very rare) - that he's not allowed to mess up on , I feel have to phone him constantly during the hours preceding to make sure that he's not going to forget!!!! And that drives him mad too!!!
You're not alone! Perhaps you could instigate a wallplanner system (which doesn't work for me!) and tell him that unless a joint arrangement is on the planner, it WILL NOT happen.
Meanmum · 17/04/2003 13:19
Oh boy do I agree with all your comments here. I must admit my dh is really wonderful but completely hopeless all at the same time. How do they manage that?
Luckily for me he never arranges anything so I don't have that issue of him forgetting to tell me. However, on the other hand he is always telling me off for constantly reminding him of things so when I don't he naturally forgets.
My dh was very sheepish last night as he was due home to let in the Engineer we had coming around at 5.00 pm, go and get ds from the childminders and finish up with the Engineer. Completely possible as the childminder is only around the corner.
My meeting was due to go on so there was no way I was going to get home in time. I end up getting home at 5.30 as the meeting finishes early and can you believe I beat him home? I was furious. How is it possible to beat someone home when they should have been there at 5.00 anyway???? Boy was he sheepish. I was so mad I didn't even rant but left him (slamming the door naturally) saying I couldn't rely on him to wipe his own butt let alone do anything responsible for us as a family.
Mind you this is after the fact he was supposed to pick ds up from the child minders the last two days running and I still managed to get there before him. In fact the only reason I picked ds up when I wasn't supposed to be was because he was running so late and hadn't bothered to contact her or me to tell us. Poor ds would have slept the night there if he had anything to do with.
Frustration is not the half of it.
I know I could just leave him to get ds and see how he goes but I don't think it's fair on ds. Mind you ds loves the childminder more than me at the moment so he probably doesn't care at all.
Mo2 · 17/04/2003 13:51
Completely empathise - mine is the same, it's a husband thing - I'm resigned to it and now regularly engage in what dh calls "preventative nagging" i.e. I nag him in advance not to do something which I 'just know' he WILL do (or won't remember to do) if I didn't nag/remind him!
Recent examples (last 2 weeks) include:
I was due to drive north for 3 hours to go away overnight for business meeting. Had to leave at 4 pm so couldn't pick up kids from nursery - dh to do instead. Meanwhile DH has meeting 1 & a half hours drive away from nursery. I call him at 5 pm to check he is on road/ all OK to find he is STILL in meeting, and because he came in same car as another colleague can't leave til end of meeting. Result: I have to turn around, drive another hour home, pick up kids, wait til he gets home (7.30 pm!) and then leave again to drive for another 3 hours!! Boy, was I mad! When I asked him what he thought he was going to do, he just said 'dunno really - ring a few people I suppose...' AND he couldn't understand why I was so angry!!!
Last Fri: We were waiting for babysitter to arrive - she's late - dh suddenly looks all sheepish and disappears to make phone call muttering something about 'wrong night'. Turns out that when he spoke to her on the phone he told her the wrong night - Sat - and she can't make it right now. Result: I stomp off upstair to put DS2 to bed shouting 'it's your problem - you sort it out...'. Fortunately it was all OK on this occasion, and he managed to sell the baby-stting concept to a friend of his on the basis that we have a huge TV/surround sound and the footie was on/there was beer in the fridge. Phew!
They really can't help themselves bless them - they're hopeless and they know it....
Meanmum · 17/04/2003 14:06
I'm laughing at these responses as it is nice to know I'm not in this alone. The million dollar question is "What are they thinking???????"
More examples of a complete lack of foresight are - ds is 2 months old, I'm knackered and want a bath and 15 minutes to myself. I ask dh to look after ds while I have a soak and a glass of wine. I'm in the bath for all of 2 minutes when I hear ds crying. I think to myself I'll leave dh to it as he is competent and doesn't need me interfering and telling him every 2 seconds about how to do something. 10 minutes later ds is still crying. I think, surely he'll be OK and figure out what to do. Another 5 minutes later I get out of the bath as ds is still crying and dh hasn't even come to ask me what the problem is. I go into the lounge to find ds on his playmate with dh literally 1 inch away from him on the floor fast asleep. How the hell he slept through that racket I don't know. Boy did he wake up when I started yelling too. What I don't understand is that he can fall asleep at 6.00 in the evening but stay up until 4.00 in the morning playing on his play station (dh that is).
Angel78 · 17/04/2003 14:32
What a relief.I'm not the only one. What really winds me up at the moment is when dp comes in from work starving and wants his dinner. I really don't mind cooking as dp has been at work all day but all I ask is he look after the children. You can bet ds will normally be entertained by watching daddy on the playstation and dd who gets bored of this ends up screaming for attention and tugging on my legs. He's also brilliant at not telling me about arrangements and even if I ask him to do the smallest thing he forgets. Drives me mad just thinking about it.
ThomCat · 17/04/2003 17:14
So nice to read about other wonderful but totally useless partners! Mine is off work today and hasn't gone to ick up the prescription for Charlotte's eye infection as requested he said he thought he'd wait for me to get in from work!!
I also left him in charge of Lottie today and said 'right I'm off, I haven't organised anything for her lunch so I'll leave it to you'. The panic that ensued!!! 'Well like what? I don't know what you've got lying around the house'!!!!
I got out of there before what was 'lying around the house' got thrown at him!!!!
Tortington · 17/04/2003 22:25
no holly it isnt just you, my hubby made arrangements with his brother, brothers girlfriend three children to come down for a visit - i dont mind in fact its a nice change - but i happened to find out off his aunty who phoned and happened to mention the "nice visit" we were expecting - i said "what?!!"
this isnt unusual for him - his family recognises it - but he thinks I am the insane one
Holly02 · 18/04/2003 06:25
Thomcat I had to laugh at your dp not being able to figure out his own lunch. Unfortunately this is another of my dh's failings - he trained as a chef years ago, but cannot seem to work out how to get himself a meal unless it's toast or baked beans. Then again, if I'm not around to cook, he usually goes and gets take-away. Amazing how they just can't/don't want to fend for themselves.
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