Dating etiquette, please help

[SuperBunny]

...but be gentle with me!

I have no idea how this works and what the rules are.

I am separated (and almost divorced but not quite)

1. I have been on a couple of dates with a seemingly nice guy I met online about 18 months ago. We chatted but didn't meet up til a few weeks ago. We will see each other again this weekend. We have slept together I don't know if he realises I am not yet divorced. I don't know if that matters yet. We have been for a drink, for dinner, a movie, the usual dating stuff. He knows I have a DS, we have a few things in common, similar sense of humour, make each other laugh but he is young, lives with 2 other guys, has no responsibilities, a sport car (mine is ancient and the bumper is falling off) and goes out with his friends several times a week - our lives are very different.
   
   
2. A friend that I see a couple of times a month at a group I am in has taken me for dinner, requested (and been given) my phone number and has asked to see me sometime. I don't know if this is just as friends or what. He seems nice, we have lots in common, he knows about my situation. We get on well, I enjoy his company and he goes out of his way to chat to me.
   
   
3. I am going on a date tomorrow with an online man who has kids. He does not know much about me other than I have a DS and am separated/ divorced. I was all up for meeting him until he suggested a really fancy, expensive place (that I cannot afford), known for it's wine. I was expecting to meet up for coffee. He is French so we are both expats, single parents, have teaching backgrounds but I am nervous and want to cancel.
   
   
4. Someone else has asked me out - he knows I have been seeing someone.
   
   I think this is too much! Yet I am single and bored and want to be out meeting people, socialising etc. But at what point am I playing the field and being unfair to someone? It's not like I'm sleeping with everyone and have made no commitments to anyone but, well, I am confused and my RL friends haven't dated in years and don't really know what to make of it. Actually, none of them know all of this.

[aseriouslyblondemoment]

play it by ear then superbunny
you obviously are enjoying things for now

[SuperBunny]

I'm happy with #1 being my BF for now, if that is how it works out. But I don't know what he wants from life or from me, if anything, so we'll see.

#2 is nice but I don't think I fancy him. Other than that, he sounds pretty good.

[aseriouslyblondemoment]

haha!! not worried lol!!
has he said or let you know what he wants?
apart from the obvious lol!!
so is this the man you want for your BF?

[ninah]

I like the loverly No 2 too ...

[SuperBunny]

Um, yes he is! Will def see him on Sat, don't worry

[aseriouslyblondemoment]

(#1) isn't that the younger shit hot in bed one?
and er helloo would def do an all day-er on sat with him
but thats seriouslyblonde's thoughts
what do you really want superbunny
as you're a lucky lucky girl right now with so many options..

[SuperBunny]

We split the cost on Fri so I don't need to thank him again. Will wait and see. Won't be devastated if he doesn't call.

Will see #2 on Sunday (but just as friends)

[BEAUTlFUL]

Don't text him! You thanked him for dinner at the time, didn't you? (Did he pay, btw?) If so you don't need to text him. if he hasn't called you, he probably just wants to be friends too.

Yay! on the dating. Go girl. I like the sound of #2, personally.

[SuperBunny]

Don't know about Fri Night man. Maybe he is busy? Or not interested? Or waiting for me to email him.

I want nothing from him but it would be nice if we could be friends- I don't know any other single parents or European expats.

Last night's man (#1) asked to see me again on the first date. And does every time I see him! In fact, he has requested my company all day next Saturday, rather than just an evening date, so I think that is good.

[aseriouslyblondemoment]

p.s. why no news from fri nite man?
did he seem like he wanted to see you again?
i sincerely hope that he isn't one of these sad pricks who believe in the so called 'three day rule'as if he is then I'd personally run.
thou wasn't expecting him to my BF asked to meet me again on our first date

[aseriouslyblondemoment]

hello superbunny..
its not a silly question actually
but not sure that it's one i can answer thou someone else probably can!!
what do you want from fri nite man?
just friendship or more maybe?
or still wanting to keep all options open lol!!
personally i would send a thank you text purely out of politeness but wouldnt mention the 'would like to be friends'
but then that's me and keeping all options open..!!
which of yourmen would you like to have as a boyfriend?
and back to your original question from my own experience i didnt renew my membership and my BF has'nt renewed his and thou we haven't specifically talked about it we are BF and GF as we're not actively looking for anybody else and well you just know don't you?

[SuperBunny]

Hello again...

I have a new (rather silly) question: at what point does someone become a boyfriend rather than someone you have been on a few dates with?

Haven't heard from Friday Night date man and am not sure if I should email him or just wait. I want to say 'thank you, I had fun and would like to be friends'

[aseriouslyblondemoment]

Cat if you are happy to continue seeing him on a purely sexual basis then thats fine
However if you want more than just sex then carry on chatting to other men especially as you are aware of your previous history of serial shaggers..
I briefly saw another bloke at the beginning of seeing my current bf as I wasnt entirely sure where I stood with him and my friends actively encouraged me to go out with the other guy.
We got on brilliantly and how I wish that we could still be friends but the sexual attraction was just too strong and I think he realised that I wasn't actually out to have a proper relationship with him as he's actively looking for the 'one'who he can settle down with and have kids with.Whereas I've been there,done that..
I still think about him alot as the sex was particularly mind blowingand for purely selfish reasons wish that I could have met him at a different time.
But it does prove that men have feelings too and it is worth being mindful of I think

[SuperBunny]

Oh, Cat, be careful. I think one of the reasons I had fun tonight was because I had no hopes or expectations.

On dating websites, I have never made initial contact. I have thought about it but never done it.

Good luck

[CatOfOneTail]

SuperBunny - re internet dating sites, do you make first contact with guys or do you wait for them to contact you?

[NAB3lovelychildren]

It is bloody hard isn't it? Sex and emotions can be so intwined.

[CatOfOneTail]

I'm so glad you went and had a good time! You could easily not have gone out with this guy because you felt out of your comfort zone but you did and it went well.
I am catching myself being attracted to the same sort of man all over again without realising it immediately - yes, the emotionally unavailable shagger! I've already been hurt by several versions over the years yet still find the initial attraction is there and I don't spot that I've done it again till it's too late.
I think I will try to date guys who just seem nice. Perhaps I should view a lack of initial attraction as a positive thing as I seem to be attracted for all the wrong reasons! I am so pleased you went, I'll try come back and read this thread when I'm about to cancel a date because I'm feeling we have nothing in common.
NAB - 'shag away but don't get hurt' - you hit the nail on the head there, I think I am getting hurt but trying to pretend I'm not

[NAB3lovelychildren]

Brilliant!

[SuperBunny]

Update:

Tonight's date was surprisingly nice & I am glad I went. It does complicate things somewhat because I didn't actually want to enjoy his company but who knows, he may want nothing more to do with me. But he made me laugh, we talked for ages. If nothing comes of it then it will make my life simpler but it was a really nice night out. Hooray.

[SuperBunny]

Oh, am glad this was useful for other people - I was beginning to feel like a bit of a floozy. But it is quite good fun, and am careful. And this side of my life is entirely separate to the rest of my life so DS is in no way involved.

Catofonetail- I agree with what has already been said and think sleeping with one man and dating other people is ok until you have a conversation with someone about being exclusive. So, as Nab said, shag away, be careful and don't get hurt.

It is very strange to go from being with someone for 10+years to suddenly dating again, isn't it?

[NAB3lovelychildren]

shag away but don't get hurt.

[CatOfOneTail]

What a useful thread - I've been thinking about the same issue! Back on the dating scene after an 11 year relationship, the last two or three years of which were extremely negative so self confidence is not high.
I have started internet dating. I am seeing one guy who.....ah bugger it, if I don't tell you it honestly I'll never get any helpful advice. He's fabulous in bed!!!! It's great!!! I can't tell you how good it is!!!! Woohoo!!
However, he doesn't want real emotional involvement. Would it be so bad of me to continue to chat/date other guys at the same time until I meet one that I want to be exclusive with?
Here's hoping you all say go ahead, shag away.

[solidgoldsoddingjanuaryagain]

You can date - and have sex with - as many people as you like unless and until you have had a conversation with someone about wanting your relationship to be exclusive. People who assume that a relationship is or has become exclusive just because you have had sex are idiots who have only themselves to blame if they get hurt.
THough I do agree with those who say, hold off on introducing any dates to your DC except in passing (and all you need to do is say that it's a friend you're going out with if he comes to collect you from home or whatever, no details necessary).

[ratbunny]

I found this really useful too - I have a friend that may/many not end up as more, someone I really fancy but not sure if it will go anywhere and another guy online who wants to meet up.

I dont know our situations are 'playing the field', but actually, maybe we WANT to play the field first?

Go girl! date those men! Its not like you are committed to any of them, and once soemthing serious comes along, I'm sure you will stop seeing lots of men then.

[elastamum]

I found this thread really interesting as I am seperated and feel like i ought to start dating. go and have a good time!!