Expanding on the "unconditional love" theme, what traits are unacceptable in a partner?

[Twoddle]

I found my ex-partner's arrogance and selfishness difficult to handle from day one. And, silly me, tried to change them ... and it seemed that for about ten years it worked. They came back with a vengeance last autumn though, and it was too much.

I found his extreme unpunctuality infuriating too. I'm a bit of a late person - not good at being exactly on time, and usually 10 minutes or so late ... but he took it to a different stratosphere!

So come on, are these traits - and what other traits are - unworthy of loving acceptance?

[Twoddle]

Anyone?

[AbstractMouse]

I find Dp's extreme inability to discuss feelings or emotions totally disheartening. I have tried and tried, we have had the odd deep and meaningful when lubricated, but all returns to normal the next day. I fel like a freak for even having emotions, nevermind wanting to discuss them

[littlewoman]

Absolutely agree with that one AM. My xh could not hold a conversation. I worked this out years after we split up. He could tell jokes, spout facts, quote bits from films / TV, but a conversation, full of his own thoughts, let alone an emotion? He didn't have the first idea how to show any of himself to anyone - unless it was something negative, and then it would just explode out as rage, but you could hardly call that a conversation

[thumbwitch]

my xp had problems with me, apparently - I was too emotional and he couldn't understand why I would get frustrated/angry over anything and would always walk away from any 'discussion' that started to get heated. His ma was a bit of a cold fish though and he was looking for a ma-replacement (which he found and left me for, lucky for me!) So no unconditional love from him in that partnership - it was always his way or he'd sulk.

My DH has a much more similar temperament to mine - makes for a much more lively household but at least we understand each other! And we have conversations as well.
My ex just couldn't and wouldn't try. And that is unacceptable. My only regret is that I didn't realise that earlier.

[Cicatrice]

Anyone who won't compromise, and thinks its a good thing, is, in my opionion unacceptable. If you live life on the "my way or the high way" principle you shouldn't be surprised if you end up hitting the tarmac alone.

[expatinscotland]

gambling or substance abuse

violence or mental/emotional abuse.

cheating.

poor hygiene

personally, in any realtionship, i always had sex straightaway, because if they had a tiny dick or were bad in bed then that was a dealbreaker.

[TattooedGrrrl]

Violence

Racism / bigotry

Extreme stupidity

[JessJess3908]

Apart from the obvious, I always thought...

vegetarians

people who are allergic to cats

were deal breakers to me until i met DP... who is allergic to my cats

[OverMyDeadBody]

what expat said

[fullmoonfiend]

meanness (stinginess)

Really bad breath

smelly dick

Really bad table manners

No empathy at all.

[2rebecca]

Some of these are traits that would make you dump a bloke before it got to the "partner" level.
If I was thinking about things that would make me leave my husband if he suddenly started doing them they are
1.substance abuse and unwilling to get help/ won't stick to programme

1. Violence, probably should be no 1. Have never had a bloke hit me and would have low tolerance of violence
2. Swearing at me and shouting at me. Some couples love this sort of thing, I hate it and would run a mile.
3. Mistreating my son, should be higher up, prob number 1.
4. Saying he didn't love me any more or not appearing to love me. I have lived alone and would rather be alone than in a miserable relationship.
5. Belittling me, probably part of number 5.
6. Sounds selfish but I couldn't live with a chronic depressive, life's too short. If he became depressed I'd help him get help and encourage him through therapy etc but I really couldn't live with someone who is permanently pessamistic and negative. There is a point where it becomes a personality trait and not an illness. I had a state wedding so didn't promise til death us do part. If I turn into a miserable old bag my husband is welcome to leave me rather than martyr himself, may shake some sense into me.

[fullmoonfiend]

I know his sounds stupid but my father was emotionally abusive and I can spot the traits now a mile off.
Any sneeriness at any point would have me running for the hills as that's where it starts.

[Minum]

Any form of unkindness whatosver.

Also, meaness, grooming (beyond the odd shower), excessive domesticity, dullness, white wine drinker.

[chuggabopps]

accepting that you need professional help with depression/ susbstance abuse, but not accepting the professional help you need.

[2rebecca]

Being poor with money would probably be a no no as well although people don't usually develop this trait during a relationship and if a bloke was always in debt and spending money on stupid things I wouldn't choose to live with him. I've always been good with money and would be very unimpressed if the money kept vanishing on designer gear and plasma TVs.